(the morning) After the Final Rose

Do you ever wake up in the morning with a sense that all is right and just in this world?  Today, I did.  Despite sitting here in front of my computer screen for a good ten minutes, I cannot come up with one mean thing to say about last night's finale of The Bachelor.  All of the things I wished would happen did and everyone went on to live their lives happily ever after.  The end.

Now hindsight is 20/20 and, believe you me, I was faaaaa-reaking out during the entire finale episode.  I was so sure how all of this would end but watching Ben and the girls live through the decision making process was so stressful.  At one point, two of my girlfriends and I were just sending each other selfies of our scared faces.  One of us may or may not have been crying through the whole episode... I blame hormones.

Ben's opening monologue was the ultimate "What have I done?!" realization.  Now he's worried he'll make a mistake and propose to the wrong girl?!  ...  uhhhhh...  You know you told both of them you're in love and there's an entire camera crew with you and both girls will see this right!?  There's no undoing that.  It is literally archived for the rest of time.  At that point, he was in for a world of hurt regardless of who he ended up with.



How much do we love Ben's parents?!  They are so wonderful.  They have a gentle nature but aren't shy about expressing concerns while respecting that this is Ben's decision.  And check out Ben's dad's full head of hair!  That's a great sign of things to come for future generations.

Mom was not buying this "in love with two girls" thing.  That being said, both parents seemed very open to getting to know the ladies and gave Lauren and JoJo each a really fair shot.


Lauren is certainly the more polished and composed of the two women.  Her chat with Ben's Mom impressed me.  It is not easy for most to go to their future mother-in-law for relationship advice.  She earned some serious points with me when she asked Mom about how she could help Ben through hard times.  If I had a family member going as The Bachelor/ette or a contestant, I would be so concerned that the couple only gets to see the best in each other.  Their relationships have been so short and the experience is intensified by outlandish dates, a production crew and the nature of competition.  Being in a marriage or any kind of long term relationship is really hard work and learning how to get through the tough stuff is the most challenging, although rewarding, part.

When JoJo arrived at the Higgins' little vacation home, she handed Ben's mom an awkward little bouquet in a conch shell.  "Let me just put these flowers next to the massive bouquet Lauren brought for us..."  JoJo is a really nice girl and undoubtedly head over heels for Ben.  The main factor for me swaying toward Lauren is that JoJo seems to be more wrapped up in the glamour of love.  She talks about being with Ben like it's a fairy tale and this is her perfect love story.  Lauren comes across as more of a giver and JoJo is all about how Ben makes her feel and what he gives to her.

After JoJo's visit, I really felt for Ben's poor poor mom.  It took everything in her not to reach across the couch and shake him.  She was trying so hard to keep it together and let Ben be a big boy and make his own decisions but I mean... she burst out laughing when Lauren said that Ben seems perfect...  She knows Ben better than anyone and she remained so open and positive.  You could just tell in her interview after the visits that she was really hurting for Ben.

I'm never mad at Chris Harrison but it was really annoying that, right before every commercial break, he tried to make it seem like Ben was going to get married right then and there on After the Final Rose.  Ben's hometown pastor was really into that Bible...



Has anyone noticed that JoJo's parents could play Dr. Phil and his wife Robin on SNL?  Twitter was going crazy with speculation when Lauren's entire family was shown but only JoJo's parents- no brothers.  Personally, I assumed that it was really meaningful for Ben to have them as groomsmen since they hit it off so well at hometowns...  not.  Ben never wants to see those dudes again





As Ben tried to make up his mind as to who to propose to, one of his arguments for JoJo was that they had gone through really hard things together and withstood true relationship tests.  Ummm...  no- you really haven't.  The most serious hardship they had to face was knowing what to do after a table fell over when a helicopter, which was there to fly them around Vegas, landed too close to them on a rooftop.  That is not a hardship...

If I was Lauren during her last one-on-one date, I'd be panicking BIG time.  Ben was so off and giving her nothing.  He kissed her on the forehead about twenty times which is sweet if you're sitting around watching TV but not when you're a day away from getting either proposed to or dumped.  When a guy starts a sentence by saying "No matter what happens...", it's a terrible terrible sign.

At this point in the episode, I was stress eating popcorn by the handful.  I literally had more than ten pieces of it sitting in my tank top when I went to change for bed.

Didn't Ben and JoJo have that exact date already?  Waterfall, smooching, sitting on a grimy rock without a towel...  Both of them likely came down with bacterial infections after that chat.  At least JoJo picked a much more practical bathing suit this time.  Ben had such a heavy heart through both of those dates and wasn't able to relax at all.  JoJo must have had horrible thoughts running through her mind as to what Ben was thinking.  When she asked Ben to open up to her, he told her "It's exactly what you probably think".  Imagine if something is as bad and horrific as you have in your head?!

Ben was obviously putting his foot in his mouth BIG time.  Now he's keeping quiet and not saying anything?!  Last week he was confessing his love to any pretty girl that walked by and now he wants to worry about breaking hearts?!

Ben ended up completely friendzoning JoJo.  I feel bad for her because there is no way I would want any guy to see me crying on a bathroom floor unless I was going to marry them.  Some things are sacred and only for your girlfriends to see.  If a man can make you feel better when you're blubbering with your forehead on a public toilet seat and then speak to you again, marry him.  Trust me.







I hesitate to say that any massive diamond ring is ugly but Ben picked the worrrrrst one.  I'm a bit of a purist when it comes to jewelry.  I love my princess cut solitaire and wouldn't trade it for another piece of bling.  The one he chose reminded me of a big college football ring.  Both Lauren and JoJo are so girly that I wish he had something more dainty and pretty than big and in your face.  All of that being said, Neil Lane seems like a really stand up guy!





The moments leading up to the first helicopter are excruciatingly thrilling to watch.  I worry about Chris Harrison's hearing as he doesn't appear to have any protection for his ears and those helicopters come close!  I could not look away from the television and, although I was so positive Lauren would be "the one", there was a moment when I believed that JoJo could pull through.






As JoJo approached, I knew from the look in his eye that he was about to let her go.  After he gave his speech, I honestly wish, on JoJo's behalf, that a trap door opened up below her and just made her disappear.  #devastation  I can't imagine standing there across from the man you are in love with and hear the dreaded "...but...".  She really kept it together and, although clearly devastated, she made an incredibly graceful, though tearful, exit.  Look at her though- she looked stun-ning!




I LOVE BEN FOR CALLING LAUREN'S DAD!  *squealllllllll* I can't quit him.  I really don't have the capacity to think of him in a negative light.  Do I agree with every decision he's made?  No.  Do I love him and think he's the least douchey Bachelor yet?  Absolutely!    Lauren is the best match for Ben and I happen to have high hopes for their relationship.  They are more on the same page as far as career, lifestyle and family than most Bachelor/ette couples we've seen.  They both seem pretty normal other than the spotlight that will follow them around for a bit.  As long as they agree to a few Instagram sponsorships and have a cute dog, they will live happily ever after just like Sean and Catherine.




So that's it!  Season is over,  Lauren and Ben will get married and stay that way forever and JoJo is The Bachelorette!  Everyone wins.  Will you be watching JoJo find love in the Fall?  What are your thoughts on Ben's final pick?  Thanks for following along and keep your eye out for non-Bachelor posts between now and JoJo's season!

Telling someone their life is like Teen Mom is kind of an insult...

The past two weeks of The Bachelor have me completely on edge.  I couldn't even write a summary last week because I've been utterly rattled.

Last week, the girls packed their bags and headed to Vegas. Don't get me wrong- Vegas is amazing.  My husband and I went to Vegas  right before our wedding to run away from our lives and not deal with anything having to do with being an adult.  It is not a place I would go to fall in love.  Yes- people get married there but no one goes thinking they're going to meet their soul mate if they haven't already.  The best thing about Vegas is the dry heat.  I have thick curly hair and it looked incredible the whole time I was there.

Weeks four and five are when things start getting real.  During the first few weeks, the one-on-one dates are to weed out the girls he doesn't know very well.  Now Ben is choosing the girls he really likes.  They haven't gotten dates earlier because he was confident he liked them.

Jojo was an totally expected and incredibly obvious choice for a one-on-one date.  She has been a fan favorite since the beginning and now we finally get to learn more about her.  Isn't she so gorgeous?  There has to be something wrong with her...  Does she pick her nose?  Does she look awful when her make up wears off?  Does she swear like a sailor? 

The date itself was a bit of a yawn although Jojo opened up to Ben with a super tragic story about her dating a guy for a year and a half and then he was douchey so she dumped him.  Wait- that's not tragic or dramatic.  When you don't like the person you're dating, you should dump them and then look for someone who won't cheat on you.

I couldn't believe that production was letting the twin thing go on for so long.  Could Ben even tell them apart?  They didn't have any kind of shtick like "I have a center part, she has a sweeping bang" or  "I wear pink everyday".

For the group date, Ben took the girls to spend time with a ventriloquist.  How the hell do 1200 people pay money to see a weirdo make a puppet talk every night?  Is it mean to assume there had to have been some degree of childhood trauma going on there?

Olivia is on this show for one reason and one reason only- to get a better job than she has.  She's always way too "on" during her interviews and playing to the camera even when they're trying to get something candid.  Ben couldn't even look at her while she was during her painful painful showgirl routine at the talent show.  It seems like she has a really scripted way of doing things and when things go off script, everything falls apart.

The most refreshing thing about Ben as the Bachelor (especially in contrast to Chris) is that he listens and asks questions.  When girls tell him about being nervous or insecure, he asks them why instead of just telling them they shouldn't.  He's perfect.

I was so happy to see Becca get the second one-on-one.  I'm a big fan of hers and think she's a great gal.  I just wish she would have booked an appointment to get her roots touched up.  The date idea of marrying couples was a bit odd but they both seemed sincere and into it.  Ben has a really lovely speaking voice although he could work on his reading aloud. 


Sucks to be Chris Soules watching this knowing Becca pretty much hated everything that happened between them on his season.  Ben cannot be more different than Chris.  He's so sweet and thoughtful and incredibly present in all of the dates and conversations.


Can we talk about the twin thing again??  Don't lie...  you wanted production to pull off the two-on-one date when you found out Vegas was their hometown...  Come onnnnn...  But seriously- as if Ben asked Haley and Other Twin's mom for advice and then dumped Haley in front of sister and mom...  Every guy thinks it would be amazing to date twins but it would be a nightmare.

I loved seeing the Rose Ceremony on a huge glass surface over a pool which was apparently impossible to walk on in heels.  I'm sure they edited out at least five face-plants.  I wasn't surprised to see Rachel and Amber scoot on out of there.

This week, without all that much squealing and jumping around, the sideshow headed across the border to Mexico.  Ben decided to wear incredibly tight pants and wake the girls up at 3am.  I'm generally not a fan of Lauren H. but she is pretty entertaining.  All the girls were so mortified for Ben to see them sans make up and avec bedhead.  She rocked her retainer and had no shame in her middle-of-the-night-wake-up game.

Amanda was picked for the first one-on-one date which she must have been getting ready for in her sleep because she popped up out of bed with perfectly curled hair, flawless make up and no hint of morning voice whatsoever.  I hate her!  I actually like Amanda a lot but Ben is so young and I'm not sure that he's ready to take on two kids and the lifestyle change that would bring.  It's not that he's scared to take on those responsibilities but it may not be what he's looking for at this point in his life.  I feel for Amanda because she's done a lot of living at such a young age.  She told her story of getting married young and admitted it wasn't a great marriage but she has some really mature insight and, at no point made herself out to be a victim.

Other than the awkward love language lesson at the beginning, I loved the cooking group date.  It would be so fun to run around a Mexican market and find ingredients to put together an authentic meal.  I'm not sure why Ben wasn't a judge.  You would think, in a competition setting, he should be at least tasting the food to see what these ladies are made of.  Now don't go thinking that I believe a wife should be stuck in the kitchen every night cooking for her man but having high quality dining experiences at home is a really big part of my marriage no matter who is doing the cooking.  Food brings people together!

Poor Jubilee.  She is simply not cut out for this process.  She has such a hard time being comfortable in her own skin around the other girls.  I hated to see Ben get heated about her inability to warm up to him but she needed to hear how that makes him feel.  If I was a contestant on The Bachelor, I would be a less fit, slightly less sulky Jubilee.  I could not deal with watching other girls being all over the guy I was trying to date.  I'd be the girl sleeping on the couch during the cocktail party and Ben would friendzone me by week two (if not sooner).

Why why why why why why why why why did Ben give Olivia the group date rose?  Why?  Tell me...  please someone explain this to me.  Ben and Lauren B. spent some really quality time together just strolling and making out and then Olivia gets the rose?  Stop.  Just stop.

Lauren H.'s one-on-one at Mexican Fashion Week was cool but she and Ben didn't seem to be able to spend all that much time together.  Can I please take a moment to say how incredibly smoking hot Ben looked on the catwalk!?  Dying.

Lauren really did hold her own and, despite being surrounded by gorgeous professional models, she was an incredibly good sport about the whole thing.

I have no recollection of what they chatted about at dinner or even if she received a rose but I don't remember running mascara or heaving tears so I assume all ended in Lauren's favour.

Things really hit the fan during the cocktail party when Olivia flat out told Amanda that her life was like an episode of Teen Mom.  Now, I love Teen Mom and, coincidentally, it is on right after The Bachelor.  I know the Teen Mom girls' (but mostly the dad's...) lives are or have been total train-wreaks but I can't get enough.

If someone compared my life to that of one of the Teen Moms, I'd have to take a reeeeeeeal good look at myself or at that person.  Olivia was                                                                                                         so far off base by saying that and                                                                                                               other contestants did not like it at                                                                                                             all.  Like... at all at all.

We were left hanging off the edge of our couches when, just before the start of the rose ceremony, Ben asked if he could speak to Olivia in private.  And then...

Son of a.... !!!!

  

Broken vows- The Bachelor is back

The first Monday in January always brings out a special je-ne-sais-quoi in me.  If you don't know me very well, you may think things like "Wow- look at that girl and her 'New Year, New You' attitude.  Check out the pep in her step.  She's so revitalized from the holiday break!"  Those who do know me will understand that I am just counting down the hours until Chris Harrison starts hosing down the Bachelor mansion driveway and dreaming of eating handfuls of Smartfood on my couch for two hours while judging every woman I see on my TV screen.

After Chris' season, I took a solemn vow that I would never watch The Bachelor/ette again.  I absolutely hated when Kaitlyn and Britt "competed" to be The Bachelorette and, in response, I put my foot down.  I was done.  Finito.  I didn't watch The Bachelorette, I didn't talk about The Bachelorette and I certainly didn't write about The Bachelorette.  As the new year approached, I could feel a pull...  I tried to deny it.  "Don't feed the hunger!", I told myself.  "You're stronger than this!", I told myself in the mirror.

I cracked.  Monday night, at 8pm, with the remote control clasped in my shaking hands, raw instincts took over.  Before I knew it, I was being lulled by Chris Harrison's voice and I couldn't take my eyes off of the television.  You guys know I can't resist Chris Harrison...  I mean...  did you see his pic in GQ??

Considering I had boycotted Kaitlyn's season, I knew absolutely nothing about this Ben character.  First impression?  Ah-dorbs!!  He is sooooooo cuuuuuuute.  He comes across as a pretty normal dude.  His energy reminds me a bit of Sean but less virgin-y.  He has a confidence about him but in a way that will likely put the girls at ease.  My only complaint (so far) is that he was only shown with his shirt off once and it was for less than 15 seconds.  

The girls' intro videos are always pretty entertaining but only really show you a glimpse at the total nutbars and the ones with sad stories.  So far, this season has fewer tragedies than usual and seemingly more nutbars.  I'm sure the waterworks and drunken confessions will come out soon.

When it comes to any reality TV show, I loathe "twin twists".  Twins?!?  That's just cruel. First of all, no one (but mostly not Ben) will be able to tell them apart and keep them straight.  They'll have to come up with some sort of "I wear blue" or "My braid is always on the left" gimic.  One will always be crying and the other will always be telling her to get over it.  The crying one will try to be all noble and walk off the show because her sister "deserves" to win only to find out that Ben liked the crying one better and he won't give the mean one a rose.  I bet the producers sit around drinking and think of ways they can mess with everyone's emotions. I would.

You know what I dislike as much, if not more, than twin twists?!  I'll tell you.  I haaaaaate when past contestants are brought back. (who's Amber?!) I loved Becca and think she's a total sweetheart but it causes so much tension in the house.  The only good thing that can come from bringing back past contestants is me using the "who is she" pic of Elyse which I do at least 6 times a season and occasionally in my personal life.

I actually have that picture on the desktop of my computer so I can break it out at any and every opportunity.  If you didn't watch Ben Flajnik's season if The Bachelor, here is all you need to know:

Although we viewers didn't get to see all of the girls in action last night, here are some of my (judgey) first impressions:

Caila made a great first impression in her intro video. She has a fun and easygoing energy.  She seems a bit goofy but it could be nerves.  I wish she wouldn't have run out of the limo and leaped into his arms but he'll probably remember her for it.



Samantha reminds me of Becca in her gentle nature.  I worry that, sometimes, the more introverted nice girls don't get the attention they should in the beginning.  I couldn't even find a picture of Sam by googling "Samantha bachelor Ben".  Hopefully Ben will forget about her (along with the rest of the viewers) for a while but then have an amazing date and everyone will be like "Who the heck is Sam?" and you'll know...  you'll know.



Jubilee = terrifying. She is one bad ass lady!  She's a military vet and could kick my a$$ is about 10 seconds flat.  She certainly has her eye on the prize and said "There may be some casualties but all is fair in love and war" during her intro.  Assertive and tough girls don't tend to go far on The Bachelor.  I hope she is able to show him a bit of a softer side and let her guard down a bit.  I admire her strength and drive but it would be great to see her in a relaxed or playful setting so that Ben can get to know her better.


The Bachelor loves giving dentists a bad name.  Since Ashley Hebert, there are always crazy dentists or dental hygienists. Mandi is no exception. A friend once told me that you can never trust a girl with close-set eyes.  Case and point.








Amanda was my absolute front-runner for the first impression rose.  She is cute cute cute cute and her little daughters are cuter cuter cuter.  Being divorced with two kids at age 25 has got to be rough.  I find that the mom's on The Bachelor are typically a bit more mature and ready for a serious relationship than others their age.  They've put up with a ton of crap from past relationships and have so much at stake throughout the process.  Amanda's helium voice does make me twitch a tiny bit but I predict that Ben will be drawn to her quickly.


Have we learned nothing from casting Tierra/Tiara's?  If you didn't watch Sean's season of The Bachelor, you really should.  Even if it's just Episode 5 where the ladies pack their bags and head to Jasper/Banff, Alberta,  I won't ruin the whole season but Tierra turns out to be a crazy crazy person and looks like this after spending about 5 minutes in the cold:   ....  I digress.  This season's Tiara is a self-proclaimed chicken enthusiast and, although she seems quite
sweet and normal, we'll never know if there is a crazy bird lady in there just
waiting to fly the coop.



JoJo is one of the most beautiful girls in the house.  Unfortunately, she was wearing a totally weird unicorn head when she came out of the limo.  I predict JoJo will go far.  Is it too early to call a Final 3??  If I looked like that, I would never wear a unicorn head.



 

I had incredibly high hopes for Laura.  She was definitely out of her element and may have lacked the confidence to really stand out against all of the other girls.  I thought she would get a rose for sure.  T even picked her as the winner (amateur...).








Lace, Lace, Lace.  I was going to use her headshot but you probably wouldn't recognize her when she's smiling.  Her face looked like this most of the night.  I've heard horror stories of how late these tapings go and how the girls are provided with minimal food and unlimited booze.  That is a recipe for disaster for most women.  The vino may be bringing out Lace's true colors but I do look forward to seeing her manipulate Ben into liking her and have all the other girls warn him behind her back.


I was so surprised to see Jessica leave without a rose.  She immediately put Ben at ease and he seemed so into her.









Jackie is so sweet!  If she can stand out against all of the crazies and establish a close relationship with Ben quickly, I can see her as a Top 5 gal.










Olivia is stunnnnnning. She makes Ben so nervous but in a good way. He couldn't take his eyes off of her and, gave her the first impression rose.  Wouldn't she look amazing with a Cameron Diaz-esque short bob?  (yes she would).  Also- I hope she wears her hair curly in the coming weeks.


Overall, I'm excited about this season.  I love being judgey and rolling my eyes at everything ever but let's be real- I wouldn't last 30 seconds in that house.  I'd be completely drunk napping in the corner by myself.  These ladies obviously have guts and tons of confidence and I look forward to witnessing their social and romantic demise as the weeks go by.  Comments?  Predictions?  Leave me a note below or tweet me @midtowndiaries.

Chris' Final Rose- the least dramatic finale yet!

Well... it's over.  Finito.  Fini.  Chris has handed out his final rose. After that who's-the-next-Bachelorette announcement, it might be the final time I ever watch this stupid show.

I digress...

No one wasted any time getting right in to the action last night.  From the very first scene in the show, Chris was absolutely gushing over Whitney's qualities and how amazing she he.  He then went on to say how slowly things were progressing with Becca and how unsure he was about her feelings for him.

The finale is usually tense and filled with questions and emotion.  The girls get to spend time with the Bachelor's family and this never goes smoothly.  There is always an over-protective mom, a crazy big sister or a brother who wants to show off his gun collection.  Chris brought the girls back to Iowa which provided a major home court advantage for the Soules.  They are friggin' awesome.  Everyone not only adores, but completely trusts, Chris.  They are protective but open and truly want what's best for Chris.

Whitney showed up for her visit with the Soules in the shortest shirt-dress I have every seen.  It was snowing out and the girl had the nerve to come running out of that SUV in sheer tights!  Not even leggings!  She was very  out going and a bit too in-your-face for initially meeting a group of people but, that being said, her ability to be open and sincere is what drew everyone to her.  Watching Whitney interact with Chris' mom and sisters proved that she's a total girl's girl and can really roll with all of the Soules ladies.  She was able to express how much she, not only loves Chris, but longs to be a part of a family again since losing her parents.  Blending in was easy and natural for her.

Becca was at a huge disadvantage since Whitney had already won over the entire Soules family.  They all knew that Chris was in a really different place with Becca and, if those Soule sistas had a few seconds with Chris Harrison, they probably would have arranged the proposal with Whitney themselves.  You really can't compare Becca and Whitney.  Becca brings completely different things to the table.  She has a much calmer presence and puts people at ease by using humour.  She had Chris' mom cracking up.  She's light but also serious.  She's more "simple" than Whitney but I think that's what Chris really liked about her.  She has different sides to her where Whitney is peppy and "on" all the time.  I don't think Whitney is at all fake but Chris saw more range in Becca's personality and got to experience a bit more with her.

Chris' mom was tough on Becca but in a really loving way.  She clearly saw what Chris loved about her but needed to push a bit.  I have mad respect for Becca being, perhaps the only girl in Bachelor history, so true to herself and not falling victim to Bachelor Fever.  So many times, we've seen guys and girls get caught up in the glitz and glam and not be completely sure.  Brooks got completely raked over the coals for leaving Des' season but thank goodness for Andi setting a new standard for the ladies when she dumped Juan Pablo (on his season!) but let's be serious...

Becca was so honest despite the pressure she must have been feeling from all directions.  She's one strong chica and I love that she kept it real all season.  She wasn't as open and willing to take a risk as Whitney was but she stayed incredibly strong and kept looking out for #1- herself.

When Chris went to visit Becca in her hotel, they sat down for a real talk and Chris asks "Why don't you feel like you're in love with me?"  Ummm...  Maybe because you've been dating 24 girls on a TV show for only a couple of months...  I'm happy for Whitney that she's all in and will up and move and get married and have babies but, you can't blame Becca for questioning what she would even do in Arlington.  I'm a firm believer that you have to be really solid with yourself before you can be solid in a relationship.  It bothers me that Chris kept alluding to the fact that, if Becca doesn't fall in love with him, he'll have to pick Whitney.  If he wants to be with Becca and is falling for her, he shouldn't have to default to another girl.

Chris brought Whitney to the farm and let her see a real day in the life.  He's obviously an incredibly passionate guy but, as much pride as he has in what he does, there is still a lot of insecurity around his lifestyle.  He seemed really nervous to show Whitney his house even though it's a great pad!  Sure- it needs a bit of a woman's touch but it's a promising starting point.  When I met my husband, his dining room table had one purpose- beer pong.  The more time Whitney spent with Chris, the more sure she was that she wants this.  She admitted she's scared and doesn't know exactly what she's getting herself into but, unlike Becca, she's willing to give it a shot and take the risk with an open heart.

It came time for the big day and Becca and Whitney got summoned to the Soules family barn where Chris "raised his very first pig".  Touching.  The barn was actually unreal gorgeous with chandeliers, stained glass windows and candles (fire hazard much?!).

Becca's outfit was total foreshadowing for how things would turn out for her- horrible.  What was that, velour!?  Who wore it best?!  P-Diddy or Becca?  

I know that pickings are probably slim at the consignment shop in Arlington but come on...  Becca is drop-dead gorgeous (did you see her at after the final rose?!) and that dress did nothing for her.  Anywhoo...  That was probably one of the most shocking break-ups in Bachelor history simply because, although sad, Becca seemed relieved.  She clearly felt very strongly for Chris and things probably would have worked out for them but they just ran out of time.  Becca wasn't willing to "go there" so quickly and I think she was ready for the whole thing to be over one way or the other.  No running make up, no ugly crying, not even a "Why doesn't he love me?!".  All class, Becca.

As Whitney pulled up to the barn, she gasped "Holy cow".  I will stifle my commentary...  She was shaking like a leaf with nerves.  Once she and Chris were together she couldn't shut up and wouldn't let the poor guy get a word in.  She's probably gotten used to him "not being allowed" to tell her his feelings but, what Whitney doesn't know, is he's actually just incredibly inarticulate and out of touch with his feelings.  I didn't foresee a ring box coming out of Chris' pocket.  I thought Whitney would get the rose but he would ask her to give him some more time.  What do I know though?!

Chris really couldn't lose with either one of these girls.  Becca was a bigger risk but perhaps a greater reward as well?  

After the Final Rose was tame and without tears.  I would comment on the upcoming season of The Bachelorette but I can't even go there yet.  Britt!?  What?!  Really?!  Two Bachelorettes and the guys get to pick who they want to date??  Um...  nope.  I may, legit, never watch again.  So brutal.

What are your thoughts on Chris and Whitney as well as on the new Bachelorette spin?  Leave your comments below and don't forget to "Like" Midtown Diaries' Facebook page to stay up to date on all the news!  

Women Tell... each other off... And other thoughts on The Bachelor

My sincere apologies for being completely M.I.A lately.  I've been so caught up in things going on at home and at work and Justin Bieber's birthday falling on a Sunday this year really threw me off.

Luckily, I snapped out of my birthday cake induced coma just in time to spend an evening with 20 or so of my closest eliminated Bachelor contestants.

I always get a good laugh out of the "Crash the party" segments where Chris Harrison (swoon) and the Bachelor show up at viewing parties.  I know there must be some sort of pre-plan and the parties know that production or someone is showing up but it is legit hilar.  I don't even care who the Bachelor is.  If Chris Harrison came to my house any day, I'd die.  I've been keeping a journal of things I need advice about just in case I meet him one day.  He is the best.  I really want to find the house full of drunk girls at the end of the segment and invite them to my birthday party.  Seriously though... Chris Harrison is amazing.

There is a villain during every season of The Bachelor/ette but there seemed to be a lot of legit hurt feelings and distrust between this group of girls.  Of course, the first gal up in the hot seat was Britt who truly thought Carly was her friend.  The proof?  Britt: "I was sitting on your bed crying!  I put cucumbers on my eyes from my salad!!".  Obviously Britt has never heard of a frenemy.

It's tragic that Britt believes she would still be with Chris if it hadn't been for Carly.  Britt clearly isn't a mean spirited person and I don't think she's trying to be fake.  I do believe that she got a bit wrapped up in the show and in the glamour of it all.  She has a very intense personality and I don't know if Chris would have been able to keep up with her.  Britt was quick to blame production and Carly for tainting her love story.  I think Carly is hilarious and I admire her quick wit.  That being said, she did get busted a few times last night for saying funny but hurtful things about several of the girls.  She may have learned to be more gentle and kind with her humour last night.  

Can I just say one more thing about Chris Harrison?  How adorbs was it when he was sitting on the couch making sure Britt was okay during the commercial break?  There she was crying all over the place and he just sat there and listened.  I mean...

Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey...  what is left to say about Kelsey?  One compliment I will give is that girl can rock a jewel tone!  Her new bangs kept falling in her face which drove me friggin' nuts.  If Kelsey was my kid's guidance counsellor, I would find another school district.  Even the tiniest tad of humility could serve her really well.  Kelsey appeared to be a front-runner in the beginning.  She seemed sweet, sincere and did have a touching story about losing her husband at such a young age.  That being said, her "greater than thou" attitude rubbed everyone the wrong way, including Chris.  

Kelsey was sniffling and snuffling through her whole interview but was missing one key ingredient in crying- tears.  When Chris Harrison (yum) asked Kelsey why she thought that girls don't like her, her answer was "I hear they don't like me because I'm condescending and I use big words."  She somehow found a way to be condescending while trying to tell us she's not condescending.  Uggg.  She is clearly misunderstood and, although she was given lots of chances to explain and clear things up, she really just dug herself deeper holes with all of the girls.  Who cares what KardAshley thinks really because she was just as mean, if not more so, to and about Kelsey.  But it's safe to say Kelsey won't be appearing in many Instagram after-party selfies this morning.

We finally get a chance to catch up with Ashley S. and she has gone back on her meds after her health insurance must have run out when she came to L.A.  Holy moly...

There's no denying that Ashley is batshit cray odd but she did show (a bit) more of a "normal" side to her last night.  She told Chris that she found it difficult to take the process seriously with all of the cameras and drama.  She enjoys riding bikes and being silly so it was her natural reaction to block out out of bit of the crazy with... well... crazy!  I think she was really out of her element but also probably messing with us all too.  I will likely tune in to the premiere of Bachelor in Paradise just to see what goes down.  Way to try and boost ratings, ABC!

Being dumped right after hometown visits is the ultimate diss.  If I was Jade, I would go on a rampage with my family being like "What did you say to him?!" "Why did you show him the picture of me with a mullet in grade 5?!" To be fair, the girl with the normal house and lower to middle class family rarely makes it to the fantasy suite.  Vienna was the rare exception in Jake's season.  She lived on a friggin' alligator farm (which later appeared on an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians).  There's always a sibling to blame and Jade's brother referring to her as a "wild mustang" was a pink flag if not full out red.  It was just so opposite to what Chris had seen in her personality (or lack thereof).  

People can absolutely grow and change but Jade is 28 and likely in that "been there done that" stage when it comes to partying and posing nude for Playboy...  That being said, Chris probably realized that maybe he didn't know her well at all and he saw a more deep rooted connection with Becca, Kaitlyn and Whitney.

Kaitlyn was the last girl eliminated before the Final Rose ceremony.  She really does seem awesome.  She's smart, funny and has a great spirit.  I didn't love her abrupt style of humour at first but she grew on me as the season went on.  I love her confidence and can see her as the next Bachelorette.  She reminds me of both Andi and Ali.  She's fun-loving and confident, nice but sassy.  I also want her and Jillian Harris to team up on a design show, mostly because they're both from Canada.

Finally, the man of the hour, Chris Soules comes out to face all of the women he's dumped in our living rooms over the past few months.  He was so nervous that his facial muscles were twitching.  He is seriously the worst communicator ever.  I know it's a lot to be confronted by all of these girls with the cameras on your and a live studio audience but this guy makes a French Canadian hockey player sound like Shakespeare!  Chris dodges questions and uses cliche lines that are more offensive than helpful.  When Kaitlyn asked what happened and why she was sent home, he told her, at that point it was like "throwing darts in the dark".  I guess she got the bullseye.  Brutal.  

I don't have high hopes for Chris' relationship with Whitney or Becca.  He is a nice enough guy but he's a bit of a snoozefest and doesn't seem all that tuned in to women's emotional needs.  I was much more of a fan when he was on The Bachelorette.  He's just not willing to move or compromise.  His greatest asset is the dowry of farm animals his parents could offer up.  The women, in this season, are expected to give up so much more than Chris is and, to top it all off, they had to suffer through really shitty trips and dates.  The Badlands- America's Romance Capital.  Come on now...

My best bet is that Chris will pick Whitney in the finale but he should pick Becca.  I don't foresee an engagement as this back-to-Iowa-to-meet-the-Soules will bring out every insecurity Chris has about Arlington and making the right decision.

The Women Tell All ended on a real Dr. Philism as Chris Harrison promoted his new romance novel coming to a bookstore near you in May.  

Looking forward to watching the finale and hearing what you all have to say along the way.  Please leave your predictions below or follow along on Twitter @midtowndiaries.

These girls be cray!! The Bachelor Recap- Week 2

Remember a week ago when I said that this is probably the most beautiful and normal group of girls to ever grace the Bachelor Mansion.  I retract my comment.  These girls are gorgeous but way cray!

After leaving us with the Kimberly cliffhanger last week, I'm disappointed that the women of America have learned nothing from past contestants.  Can we take a moment to remember Kacie B showing up in Switzerland to try to get Ben back?  We all know how that ended- with Kacie lying on the hotel lobby floor (with her face touching the carpet) crying.

Before:

After:  

There was also that fateful day when Shawntel from Brad's season tried to muscle her way in to Ben's heart during a cocktail party?  That went well...

A move like that will, not only put a massive target on your back with the other girls but it never- and I mean never- ends well.  Let's all agree to just move on when a guy dumps us for 23 other women ok?

Thank goodness our favorite confidant Chris Harrison was around to give Chris S. some solid advice and remind him that this is life we're talking about; not just a game.  He should (say it with me now) follow... his... heart.

Quick question...  Does Chris have an indoor shower or just a little hut in his yard with a tap?  Does he use sulfate free soap because I didn't see a lather...  

During the first group date, "Show Me Your Country" (I refuse to comment...), Megan and Jillian are stuck at home so they do what anyone would do- get day drunk and break into Chris' house!  To be fair, if I was at home while my boyfriend was out dating a bunch of other girls, I'd drink a box of wine, put on a helmet and hit my head against a few hard surfaces too.  I've been day drunk for way less worthy reasons but I've always been wearing pants while doing so... unlike Jillian.  

Chris was really sweet to give Kimberly some one-on-one time during the pool party but I knew things were going downhill when the producers were interviewing her outside... at a bustop in LA... while she was wearing only a bikini...  She really should have just hailed down the first limo she saw and headed back to Long Island.

I was a bit surprised that Chris singled out MacKenzie to hang with after the group date.  I assume he is trying to get a feel for whether or not to keep her around.  It's pure gold listening to the girls try to justify why there weren't picked for one-on-one time.  "He's just such a great guy that he's trying to be really fair to everyone."  Then, as they are walking back to their limos, they get more and more bitter about it.

MacKenzie is young (a 12 year difference between them) and I think that maturity gap is going to become an issue.  She was obviously really nervous and maybe a bit drunk but the girl is 21.  I remember my first time at a bar.  Just a suggestion but maybe she could have omitted the chat about aliens.  Or when your date says "Have you seen aliens?", don't reply with "... I dunno..."

I wish MacKenzie would have told Chris about her son Kale with a bit more confidence and pride instead of making it seem like she had a bit scary secret to share.

It was a bit surprising to see Megan get the one-on-one date but she seems like a nice enough girl.  Has she ever watched The Bachelor though because how can you not understand a date card?  She thought it was just a love note??  Really?!
FINALLY!  I've been waiting two episodes for a helicopter but who was prepared for a private jet and a helicopter?!

Wow- look at that Hoover Dam...  stunning...  Was the Grand Canyon closed to tourists that day because there were zero people around.  Maybe the date was at 5am or something.  My girl @Britt_Landry brings up a good point- where does that pilot go during the date?

Super sad about Megan's dad passing away right before filming.  Good for her for sticking through and seeming to have a positive attitude about things.  Also kudos for not saying "My dad would have wanted me to stay."  Because no girl's dad wants them to date a guy who has 23 other gfs on TV for the entire world to see.

Group date to the Zombie Hunting warehouse- I would die.  I hate hate hate being scared.  I can't go through the least scary level of a haunted house in Niagara Falls.  My husband loves zombies and would kill (no pun intended) to go on this date with Chris.  I, on the other hand, would hunt Chris if he put me on this date.  It is actually my real life personal nightmare.  Big ups to the girl doing Fireball shots before getting out of the limo.

What is wrong with Ashley S?  Seriously though.  Wtf is going on?  Chris is so incredibly nice to her but kind of in the way I'm nice to a junior kindergartner when they are trying to show me their ladybug boots but get distracted by a sparkly scarf.  Although the girls acknowledge she's bat shit cray, they're actually pretty patient with her and don't partake in the bullying behaviour that we've seen on past seasons.

I thought that Britt might be falling to the sidelines a bit but that Free Kiss note was (corny- yes) but also really thoughtful and he knew it would be the perfect gift for her.  Someone should really pull her aside and advise her to "trust the process".

The cocktail hour was a bit of a gong show as emotions are running high and wine is pouring freely.

Fertility Girl (Whitney) still has a crazy voice but she seems to be more comfortable with Chris and more herself.  Her mini date by the fire was really cute and a good way to stand out a bit from the crowd.

Ashley Kardashian I. is pushing this virgin thing a bit too much.  I don't think it's something she has to come out and confess to Chris.  The info might be more relevant if she was saving it until marriage or for religious reasons but he doesn't need to know that now.  I wish I could take back seeing her "Make three wishes on my bellybutton ring.  Rub it first" routine.

Arabian niiiiiiiiiiiights...  

Jordan...  Jordan, Jordan, Jordan...  When you're talking to a guy about how much you want to kiss him and his reaction is nervous laughter, you should just walk yourself out to the front door and wait for your ride.  To be honest- Jordan's really not that crazy.  She is that hammered but seems like a fun gal.  I would love to hit the town with her and am available for drinks whenever she gets out of rehab.  

Lots of drama at the Rose Ceremony.  The highlights?  Chris says "Juelia" and Jillian starts walking toward him.  She slips on the floor almost taking a massive spills but makes an incredible recovery only to find out that Chris called the girl behind her.

                       
Ashley S. gets a rose.  The only thing that will make this ok is if Chris pulls a Brad and the Ashleys become best friends and Chris makes them go on a 2-on-1 and only one will remain.

Kimberly without a rose twice?!  Ouch.  Lesson learned, ladies of America.

Tara's exit speech = awesome.  "I'm never anyone's #1.  You'd think I'd be used to all the rejection by now.  That will haunt me for the rest of my life"

A couple of closing notes:
- 9:15pm:  The first time I have ever seen a girl eat food on any season.  Jillian took a bit of pita bread.
- Where did Tandra come from?!

- Chris has no upper lip when he smiles.  This was pointed out by my husband who was walking through the room between periods of the hockey game he was watching (just trying to justify his manhood).  

What surprised you about last night's episode?  Would you like to be a contributor to next week's blog?  Follow me on Twitter @midtowndiaries or Like my Facebook page.  A big thank you to all my contributors this week with a special shout out to @Britt_Landry, @MegCams and @sarahcatherinef for all your tweets and texts.  It's always a joy to watch "with" you despite being four provinces away!

See you next week, Bachelor Nation!