These girls be cray!! The Bachelor Recap- Week 2

Remember a week ago when I said that this is probably the most beautiful and normal group of girls to ever grace the Bachelor Mansion.  I retract my comment.  These girls are gorgeous but way cray!

After leaving us with the Kimberly cliffhanger last week, I'm disappointed that the women of America have learned nothing from past contestants.  Can we take a moment to remember Kacie B showing up in Switzerland to try to get Ben back?  We all know how that ended- with Kacie lying on the hotel lobby floor (with her face touching the carpet) crying.

Before:

After:  

There was also that fateful day when Shawntel from Brad's season tried to muscle her way in to Ben's heart during a cocktail party?  That went well...

A move like that will, not only put a massive target on your back with the other girls but it never- and I mean never- ends well.  Let's all agree to just move on when a guy dumps us for 23 other women ok?

Thank goodness our favorite confidant Chris Harrison was around to give Chris S. some solid advice and remind him that this is life we're talking about; not just a game.  He should (say it with me now) follow... his... heart.

Quick question...  Does Chris have an indoor shower or just a little hut in his yard with a tap?  Does he use sulfate free soap because I didn't see a lather...  

During the first group date, "Show Me Your Country" (I refuse to comment...), Megan and Jillian are stuck at home so they do what anyone would do- get day drunk and break into Chris' house!  To be fair, if I was at home while my boyfriend was out dating a bunch of other girls, I'd drink a box of wine, put on a helmet and hit my head against a few hard surfaces too.  I've been day drunk for way less worthy reasons but I've always been wearing pants while doing so... unlike Jillian.  

Chris was really sweet to give Kimberly some one-on-one time during the pool party but I knew things were going downhill when the producers were interviewing her outside... at a bustop in LA... while she was wearing only a bikini...  She really should have just hailed down the first limo she saw and headed back to Long Island.

I was a bit surprised that Chris singled out MacKenzie to hang with after the group date.  I assume he is trying to get a feel for whether or not to keep her around.  It's pure gold listening to the girls try to justify why there weren't picked for one-on-one time.  "He's just such a great guy that he's trying to be really fair to everyone."  Then, as they are walking back to their limos, they get more and more bitter about it.

MacKenzie is young (a 12 year difference between them) and I think that maturity gap is going to become an issue.  She was obviously really nervous and maybe a bit drunk but the girl is 21.  I remember my first time at a bar.  Just a suggestion but maybe she could have omitted the chat about aliens.  Or when your date says "Have you seen aliens?", don't reply with "... I dunno..."

I wish MacKenzie would have told Chris about her son Kale with a bit more confidence and pride instead of making it seem like she had a bit scary secret to share.

It was a bit surprising to see Megan get the one-on-one date but she seems like a nice enough girl.  Has she ever watched The Bachelor though because how can you not understand a date card?  She thought it was just a love note??  Really?!
FINALLY!  I've been waiting two episodes for a helicopter but who was prepared for a private jet and a helicopter?!

Wow- look at that Hoover Dam...  stunning...  Was the Grand Canyon closed to tourists that day because there were zero people around.  Maybe the date was at 5am or something.  My girl @Britt_Landry brings up a good point- where does that pilot go during the date?

Super sad about Megan's dad passing away right before filming.  Good for her for sticking through and seeming to have a positive attitude about things.  Also kudos for not saying "My dad would have wanted me to stay."  Because no girl's dad wants them to date a guy who has 23 other gfs on TV for the entire world to see.

Group date to the Zombie Hunting warehouse- I would die.  I hate hate hate being scared.  I can't go through the least scary level of a haunted house in Niagara Falls.  My husband loves zombies and would kill (no pun intended) to go on this date with Chris.  I, on the other hand, would hunt Chris if he put me on this date.  It is actually my real life personal nightmare.  Big ups to the girl doing Fireball shots before getting out of the limo.

What is wrong with Ashley S?  Seriously though.  Wtf is going on?  Chris is so incredibly nice to her but kind of in the way I'm nice to a junior kindergartner when they are trying to show me their ladybug boots but get distracted by a sparkly scarf.  Although the girls acknowledge she's bat shit cray, they're actually pretty patient with her and don't partake in the bullying behaviour that we've seen on past seasons.

I thought that Britt might be falling to the sidelines a bit but that Free Kiss note was (corny- yes) but also really thoughtful and he knew it would be the perfect gift for her.  Someone should really pull her aside and advise her to "trust the process".

The cocktail hour was a bit of a gong show as emotions are running high and wine is pouring freely.

Fertility Girl (Whitney) still has a crazy voice but she seems to be more comfortable with Chris and more herself.  Her mini date by the fire was really cute and a good way to stand out a bit from the crowd.

Ashley Kardashian I. is pushing this virgin thing a bit too much.  I don't think it's something she has to come out and confess to Chris.  The info might be more relevant if she was saving it until marriage or for religious reasons but he doesn't need to know that now.  I wish I could take back seeing her "Make three wishes on my bellybutton ring.  Rub it first" routine.

Arabian niiiiiiiiiiiights...  

Jordan...  Jordan, Jordan, Jordan...  When you're talking to a guy about how much you want to kiss him and his reaction is nervous laughter, you should just walk yourself out to the front door and wait for your ride.  To be honest- Jordan's really not that crazy.  She is that hammered but seems like a fun gal.  I would love to hit the town with her and am available for drinks whenever she gets out of rehab.  

Lots of drama at the Rose Ceremony.  The highlights?  Chris says "Juelia" and Jillian starts walking toward him.  She slips on the floor almost taking a massive spills but makes an incredible recovery only to find out that Chris called the girl behind her.

                       
Ashley S. gets a rose.  The only thing that will make this ok is if Chris pulls a Brad and the Ashleys become best friends and Chris makes them go on a 2-on-1 and only one will remain.

Kimberly without a rose twice?!  Ouch.  Lesson learned, ladies of America.

Tara's exit speech = awesome.  "I'm never anyone's #1.  You'd think I'd be used to all the rejection by now.  That will haunt me for the rest of my life"

A couple of closing notes:
- 9:15pm:  The first time I have ever seen a girl eat food on any season.  Jillian took a bit of pita bread.
- Where did Tandra come from?!

- Chris has no upper lip when he smiles.  This was pointed out by my husband who was walking through the room between periods of the hockey game he was watching (just trying to justify his manhood).  

What surprised you about last night's episode?  Would you like to be a contributor to next week's blog?  Follow me on Twitter @midtowndiaries or Like my Facebook page.  A big thank you to all my contributors this week with a special shout out to @Britt_Landry, @MegCams and @sarahcatherinef for all your tweets and texts.  It's always a joy to watch "with" you despite being four provinces away!

See you next week, Bachelor Nation!