Picks and Hoes- The Bachelor premiere in review

While everyone around me gears up for NFL playoff season, World Juniors and the upcoming Cher concert, I am feeling back to my old self with the return of The Bachelor.  The past two seasons (Juan Paoblo and Andi) have lost me a bit but, with Prince Farming in the spotlight, I'm back, baby.

Chris seems sweet but fun, smart but modest and charming without laying it on too thick.  I'm glad he didn't get picked last season as I think he and Andi would be a serious mismatch.  It's refreshing to see a Bachelor who loves his home, his work and his current life.  He's not looking to self-promote or spread the Good word.  The dude just wants to find himself a little lady to love... or at least make out with for a bit.

A few thoughts about the first hour of red carpet/annoying interviews:

1.  I love Chris Harrison.  When he was interviewing Nikki about her douchbag ex (I won't even say his name), he was pretty much screaming "I TOLD YOU SO!  WE ALL TOLD YOU SO!" but was so nice and supportive.  That guy's a dreamboat.  Not even kidding...  one of my besties addresses my mail to "Darby Harrison".  My husband loves it.  Here's proof:

2.  Juan Pablo (damnit- I said his name) is a massive douche... which we all knew already...  So really no loss.  Ess okay.

3.  Brooks is awesome.  I thought he was the man even as he was dumping Des on her own season.  Did you see him in the background of a red carpet interview holing up an "I <3 chris="" f="" he="" nbsp="" p="" s="" sign="" single="" still="" why="" yes="">

4.  Lacey and Marcus are cute and everything but she doesn't seem like the brightest bulb on the makeup mirror.  When asked about wedding dates, her response to Chris Harrison was "We're 80/40 on the date right now".  What... does... that... mean?

5.  Michelle Money is still really mean and says nasty things about people thinking it's funny.  Her comment about Britt not showering was lame and totally unnecessary.  Keep dating rejected past contestants, Michelle.  See how that works out for you.

Now on to the episode.  First things first- it took 59 minutes to see Chris with his shirt off.  He was fully dressed during his 2-mins-in farming scene and then down to a cut-off and shorts while training with Cody (hilarious) at 8:05.  Hell- Cody wasn't even wearing a shirt!  

Chris was talking about missing his first harvest like he's a Manning missing the Superbowl.  Although, by the looks of his drinking buddies in Iowa, they may need some young blood around there to get the job done.  

Although I appreciated the "love is like farming speech", I was really expecting more souls/Soules references.  

Apparently ABC's transportation budget got cut a bit this year as Chris got a motorcycle instead of a sports car.  I know it's part of his rugged persona but give the good ol'boy an F150 or something!

I think Chris has a really challenging season ahead of him.  From first impressions only, this is probably the most beautiful and seeming normal group of girls in recent history.  Oh- and there are 30 of them.  There are always some early red flags which Chris won't see until week 7 when he's sent amazing girls home and then he's stuck with two crazies and a virgin but that's the whole fun of being a viewer right?!  

I toyed with calling this next part "Hits and Misses", "Red Light, Green Light" and "Pros and Cons" but, in light of Prince Farming, I will refer to a few of the stand out ladies as "Picks and Hoes".

Picks:

Mackenzie

Her son's name is Kale.  Boom.  My concern?  She's only 21 and between having a young child and being so young herself, I'm scared she might get eaten up a bit by the other ladies.  

Kelsey

Her story of being a widow is super sad but I don't think she's going to be dwelling on it the whole time as part of her identity (ehem... Emily).  I love her bright spirit and she is gorgeous.

Carly

I love that this girl made her entrance with a bright pink karaoke machine.  She's cute and fun but doesn't seem crazy.  That's (apparently) hard to find.

Bo

Although Bo's role was small last night and her stay in the house was short-lived, I thought it was awesome that production showed her conversation with Chris about pork.  "I want to try some of that pork.  As a plus sized model, I have to keep these curves!".  Now that's a woman.

Hoes (disclaimer:  I am in no way referring to these women as hoes in the derogatory way.  It's just a clever play on Chris being a farmer!)

Whitney

 Her voice is a red flag.  As is her question "Do ya'll inseminate hogs?".

Amanda

Producer:  Why haven't you found love yet?

Amanda:  Because I'm crazy?!

She gone.  No actually- she didn't get a rose.

Kaitlyn

Does she have a lazy eye?  Her opening line to Chris was that she doesn't know much about him except that he's a farmer.  That was followed up with her saying she wants him to "plow the f** out of my field".

Brittany

I sat on my couch for at least 15h over the holidays watching "Total Divas"- a reality show about the WWE female wrestlers and their lives.  Guuuuurl, don't be coming over here cross-pollinating all over my reality shows.  You stay over there with the Bella Twins and Eva Marie and leave The Bachelor to the girls who have no shot of ever being scene again (outside of Bachelor Pad or Bachelor in Paradise).

Juelia

You spelled your name wrong.

A few other notables:

- does Chris' house have an indoor shower?

- there really was an abundance of figure skating outfits at the cocktail party

- "former cheerleader" is not a job.  "Former" anything is not a job.

- if you are not happy about 3 limos full of new girls coming onto your territory, just yell "block her out!" and have two 100 lb girls guard the door. 

- do the girls get a bathroom break before the rose ceremony?  I know how I get when I've already broken the seal

- everyone's reaction when Chris picked Tara (for the record, I applaud him giving her a second chance)

- did the cocktail party/rose ceremony go all night?  It was light out during the girls' exit interviews

All in all, I think this season will be a good one.  It looks like drama drama drama and kissing kissing kissing so we have that to look forward to.  I would love to hear your comments and judgements. Join the conversation on Twitter @midtowndiaries and don't forget to catch all of my updates by liking www.facebook.com/midtowndiaries.

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