There's no town like Hometowns!!

Hometown visits are the "do or die" of The Bachelor/ette.  We have seen the unthinkable happen inside contestants' homes.  We all know from our own dating experiences that going to meet Mom and Dad or introducing your bf/gf to your family is so so stressful.  Imagine involving a production crew with lights, cameras and microphones?  My family would not be down and I can't imagine the days of planning that go into setting up these hometown visits.

Amanda definitely had the most to gain or lose out of her hometown visit.  Unfortunately, she lost half of her top right before filming.  Least practical shirt ever.  I don't even understand the mechanics behind it.  How does it stay up?  Apparently not very well as she was pulling on it the entire time.

Ben finally got to meet Amanda's little girls and they are adorbs (although they caught their mother's impractical outfit gene because those sandals were not beach appropriate).  He didn't seem freaked out right off the bat. Ben is obviously really comfortable around kids and he really honors that they're a huge part of Amanda. He knows that he will have to be the one to change and adapt to their lives if he is to continue a relationship with her.  I'm pretty sure he was crying when Amanda ran up the beach to greet them.  It could have been sand in his eye or allergies but I'm fairly certain they were real tears.

I don't think Amanda will be at the end of this but it's an important process for her to go through. It's opening her eyes to the importance of dating and finding a loving adult to connect with.

Ben is so incredible at talking. That's potentially a ridiculous thing to say but he is so confident and open.  He never stumbles on his words or sounds like he's b-s'ing.  Amanda's parents obviously had some serious concerns about Ben coming into the lives of these two little ones but Ben was really honest and didn't just tell them what they wanted to hear.

Knowing what Ben knows already about the limelight and the aftermath of being on a show like The Bachelor, he must consider how Amanda would be able to deal and cope with that.  Sometimes I look back on Emily Maynard being a contestant and then The Bachelorette and wonder how she juggled being a single mom with being such a public figure.  Amanda is also so so so young and has so much going on that I don't think she even wants to put herself through all of this.

Ben then traveled to Portland OR to visit Lauren and her family. That place seems completely up Ben's alley. Heck- Portland is completely up my alley!  They seem the most relaxed and normal together out of all the couples. They just look at each other and their eyes sparkle and talk.  He likes her so so so much.  He's crying again just thinking about his love for her.

Even Lauren's family is pretty low on the crazy family scale. I liked how protective but open her sister and dad were. They expressed their concerns but also trusted that Lauren really is falling in love and that she wants this.
The worst thing that happened was her dad calling her "LoLo".  That's lamelame.

Lauren is the most ready for all of this.  Her family is supportive, she has it together but not in a "I have to leave my 6-figure career for you and move to a remote farm where no one has all of their teeth way.  She just likes him.  And he likes her.  And what more can you want in a relationship!?

As time goes on, I am liking Caila less and less.  She has this weird ability to be too cutesy but also really intense. Every conversation is really deep and filled with big words but also a bit innocent and immature.

Her date with Ben pretty much showcased exactly that.  I guess it's cool that your dad owns a toy factory but we never see a grown up or really serious side of Caila.  Everything seems to be butterflies and rainbows and Ben isn't looking for that.  Even though he is only 27, he has maturity and grounded qualities that are lacking in Caila.

It freaks me out when adults call their parents Mommy and Daddy.  Caila's Daddy also freaks me out.  I see where Caila gets her intense eye contact and inappropriately large vocabulary.  You know when people use big words and lengthy analogies all the time just because they can?  Or when you go to someone's house for dinner and the hosts try to engage you in really detailed conversation about Syrian politics?

Long story short, despite Ben being really attracted to Caila, he has so much more real chemistry with the other girls.  There is so much more interest and variety in the personalities of Amanda, Lauren and JoJo.  Speaking of JoJo...

I watch a lot of reality TV.  I mean a.... lot.  I've watched horrendous shows that I am not proud of.  I like to think The Bachelor is one of the "top tier" programs.  It's in its twentieth season, it has millions of viewers, etc.  That whole flowers-and-letter-from-JoJo's-ex was too much.  What was the point of all of that?!  She seemed legit pissed and couldn't believe that was happening.  I would like to think that, if I was on a show like The Bachelor, every guy I've ever batted an eyelash at would be super jealous and want me for themselves but don't put it on air!  What a lamesauce move by production.  I hated that.

JoJo's brothers were obviously taking whiskey shots before filming began.  They were so over the top when JoJo came in. If you don't know the background behind her brother Ben, check out this site immediately- http://www.bustle.com/articles/144886-videos-of-jojos-brother-ben-patton-on-ready-for-love-make-him-look-like-a-hypocrite.  What a doucher.

Overprotective older brothers make me so mad.  They put Ben in such an uncomfortable position and it's the first time that we see him shut down.  He was really flat and vague when talking to them. All of that being said, I think the brothers are right when they tell JoJo that Ben doesn't seem as invested as she is. How amazing was their mom when she was just drinking champ straight out of the bottle while the brothers were ranting in the kitchen?!

Being sent home immediately after hometowns is the ultimate diss. I would absolutely disown my family if a guy dumped me the night after meeting them.  That being said, Amanda can't possibly be too crushed about Ben sending her home.  She has an entire family waiting for her and she knew all along that Ben might not be into the whole "come be a stepdad!" life.

My prediction is that JoJo and Lauren will be final two.  Other than Caila's perfect physical appearance, she won't be able to stand out against them.  I'm so looking forward to seeing how this season will play out!!

Yeah....Leah and I are in a serious fight...

You know that cardinal rule to never go to bed angry?  Well last night, I could barely stop pacing my bedroom and I'm still furious today.  I fought for Leah.  Every week that she got a rose, I knew her time would come.  I knew Ben would give her a chance and that he saw something in her.  It turns out none of us knew her at all.  Leah is sneaky and petty and just plain old mean.  We're in a fight.

I digress...

From this point on in any season of The Bachelor/ettte, you can count on one thing- a whoooooole lotta crying.  Feelings are growing, emotions are running high and everyone is just drop dead confused and insecure about where they stand with the person they're dating who happens to be dating many other women.  #roughlife

Last week's episode ended with Ben asking to talk to Olivia right before the rose ceremony and then a big ol' "To be continued" across the screen.  We all knew Olivia would somehow talk in circles around Ben and he wouldn't want to take the rose from her and she would walk back into that rose ceremony and all of the other girls would make bitchy faces.  Am I right or am I right?

Olivia believes she's super smart and incredibly exceptional.  To prove her intellectual depth, she told Ben, "I want to talk smart things." She's so deep that tears don't even come out of her eyes when she's crying.  She just whimpers and dabs at her eyes.  It's like air crying.  Olivia is obnoxious, self-centered and incredibly annoying.  She does say some offside things but I don't believe she is a malicious person.




Can I take a moment to address the horrific half up top knot issue going on in the house?  Last week it was Becca and now Lauren B. is walking around town with a stupid clump on the top of her noggin.  If you couldn't tell, I hate hate hate this look.  I love a top knot but the half up kills me.  If you are thinking about trying this hairstyle- don't.  Just don't.  See how sad this model looks??






Caila was the first girl this season to get a second 1-on-1 date.  This obvious made some girls nervous and it made Leah downright irate.  Caila is smokin' hot. Her body is insanely perfect.  She seems sweet but Ben hasn't really seen the relaxed, laid back side of Calia.  He was digging a bit during their dinner date to learn more.  Calia told Ben she was falling in love with him but quickly switched gears and said she's afraid to hurt him.  Her speech was really confusing.  I thought she was about to walk out of there but then turned it around with a "I'm ready for this". She'll be the one dumped after hometowns.  Also- have you ever seen the commercials for the game Paradise Bay?  Calia looks a lot like the character!

The group dates are getting tense!  Numbers are dwindling and the girls are getting a look at Ben's relationships with everyone else.  If I was Leah, I would be at my wits' end too.  He has spent zero time with her and it's hard to understand why he's kept her around for so long. We also found out that lives 10 mins from Ben.  That's pure torture.  They're bound to see each other again and it is going to be awk-ward.

I've been to the Bahamas a bunch of times and I'm so pissed that I didn't know about those swimming pigs.  Who thought of this date?  In a way, it's incredible.  In another way, it's so weird.  At one point, Leah was trying to have a conversation with Ben and a giant pig was just oinking at their ankles.

I was so happy to see the girls' hair looking horrible.  When I'm in the Caribbean, my curly hair is a mess the whole time and I'm thrilled to know this happens to gorgeous girls traveling with a TV crew too.

Has Becca's annunciation improved since Chris' season?  She's still fairly mumbley but much easier to understand.  I hope she promotes her speech therapist on Instagram soon.

Ladies, ladies ladies...  If you are planning to go on The Bachelor, you need to know one thing. The absolute kiss of death is when you spend your one-on-one time talking crap about others. If there's one thing a guy doesn't want to hear, it's a girl complaining about another girl; especially if that other person is someone he really likes. Even if the guy asks, just be vague and air on the kind side.  You have a whole house full of girls you can bitch to.

I cannot believe that Leah really said those things about Lauren B.  Really?!  Lauren B.?!?!  Does she know this is being filmed?  Lauren B. seems really close with pretty much all of the girls.  When Becca asked Leah if she said anything, she didn't even try to make something up.  She flat out did the "No!  I would never!!!"  Why did you do that, Leah.  Why?!  She deserved to get sent packing.  Maybe she was getting desperate or bitter but good on Ben for seeing through her nastiness and not making her sit around the house any longer.  I'm worried that, because of their close proximity at home, she's going to make his life a living hell after all of this.  I predict a restraining order in Leah's near future.

The 2-on-1 dates have really been evolving over the past few seasons.  I look back at Jake's season when he took best friends Ashley S. and Ashley H.  He really liked them both and they were equally great girls.  Jake just needed to figure out which one he liked more.  Oh my god... do you remember Ali's season when she left Kasey standing on a mountain while she and Justin flew away in a helicopter?!  And that was after Kasey showed her the tattoo he got to prove his devotion...  Now, the 2-on-1's are more good vs. evil and the girls are often rivals.

The weather during the 2-on-1 is a production team's dream to foreshadow the stormy seas ahead for either Emily or Olivia.  Could they have modified the location just a bit?  At least have something a bit more interactive than sitting on a beach in the freezing cold.  Ben always has a sweater or a coat while the girls are stuck in bathing suits and sheer cover-ups.  I'll cut to the chase and just start rejoicing that we no longer have to listen to Olivia talk about how much better she is than everybody else.  Emily is definitely genuine and really funny.   I like her so much more since her twin Hailey was dumped in front of her whole family in their living room.  I don't think there are romantic vibes between Emily and Ben but she's a great girl.  The twins are gimmes for Paradise Island.


How do the producers come up with these post-dump scenes?!  They are so incredible.  I don't know how they're not up for some sort of artistic Emmy.

Olivia was left on this little strip of rocks and sand in nothing short of a hurricane as Ben and Emily took a boat back to who-knows-where.  Olivia didn't really seem that torn up about getting dumped.  She was more surprised that she wasn't "winning" and that Ben wasn't falling for her act.







Ben decided he didn't need a cocktail party before the rose ceremony.  Chris Harrison told the girls it was because he had his mind made up but I think it's because the Coast Guard was trying to fish him out of the ocean after the ridiculous scene of him standing on a cliff... in his suit... in hurricane force winds and rain... #unsafe




I wasn't shocked to see Lauren H. pack her crayons and head back to her kindergarten class.  She's a really nice girl but her connection with Ben was lacking in wattage for sure.  Can we call Lauren B. just Lauren now?  Screw you, Leah.

What are your hometown visit predictions?  I'm thinking Emily is gonzo next week.  I'm calling Lauren (B. of course!), JoJo, Amanda and Caila.  Becca will get dumped right before hometowns. Share your thoughts and comments below!!

Telling someone their life is like Teen Mom is kind of an insult...

The past two weeks of The Bachelor have me completely on edge.  I couldn't even write a summary last week because I've been utterly rattled.

Last week, the girls packed their bags and headed to Vegas. Don't get me wrong- Vegas is amazing.  My husband and I went to Vegas  right before our wedding to run away from our lives and not deal with anything having to do with being an adult.  It is not a place I would go to fall in love.  Yes- people get married there but no one goes thinking they're going to meet their soul mate if they haven't already.  The best thing about Vegas is the dry heat.  I have thick curly hair and it looked incredible the whole time I was there.

Weeks four and five are when things start getting real.  During the first few weeks, the one-on-one dates are to weed out the girls he doesn't know very well.  Now Ben is choosing the girls he really likes.  They haven't gotten dates earlier because he was confident he liked them.

Jojo was an totally expected and incredibly obvious choice for a one-on-one date.  She has been a fan favorite since the beginning and now we finally get to learn more about her.  Isn't she so gorgeous?  There has to be something wrong with her...  Does she pick her nose?  Does she look awful when her make up wears off?  Does she swear like a sailor? 

The date itself was a bit of a yawn although Jojo opened up to Ben with a super tragic story about her dating a guy for a year and a half and then he was douchey so she dumped him.  Wait- that's not tragic or dramatic.  When you don't like the person you're dating, you should dump them and then look for someone who won't cheat on you.

I couldn't believe that production was letting the twin thing go on for so long.  Could Ben even tell them apart?  They didn't have any kind of shtick like "I have a center part, she has a sweeping bang" or  "I wear pink everyday".

For the group date, Ben took the girls to spend time with a ventriloquist.  How the hell do 1200 people pay money to see a weirdo make a puppet talk every night?  Is it mean to assume there had to have been some degree of childhood trauma going on there?

Olivia is on this show for one reason and one reason only- to get a better job than she has.  She's always way too "on" during her interviews and playing to the camera even when they're trying to get something candid.  Ben couldn't even look at her while she was during her painful painful showgirl routine at the talent show.  It seems like she has a really scripted way of doing things and when things go off script, everything falls apart.

The most refreshing thing about Ben as the Bachelor (especially in contrast to Chris) is that he listens and asks questions.  When girls tell him about being nervous or insecure, he asks them why instead of just telling them they shouldn't.  He's perfect.

I was so happy to see Becca get the second one-on-one.  I'm a big fan of hers and think she's a great gal.  I just wish she would have booked an appointment to get her roots touched up.  The date idea of marrying couples was a bit odd but they both seemed sincere and into it.  Ben has a really lovely speaking voice although he could work on his reading aloud. 


Sucks to be Chris Soules watching this knowing Becca pretty much hated everything that happened between them on his season.  Ben cannot be more different than Chris.  He's so sweet and thoughtful and incredibly present in all of the dates and conversations.


Can we talk about the twin thing again??  Don't lie...  you wanted production to pull off the two-on-one date when you found out Vegas was their hometown...  Come onnnnn...  But seriously- as if Ben asked Haley and Other Twin's mom for advice and then dumped Haley in front of sister and mom...  Every guy thinks it would be amazing to date twins but it would be a nightmare.

I loved seeing the Rose Ceremony on a huge glass surface over a pool which was apparently impossible to walk on in heels.  I'm sure they edited out at least five face-plants.  I wasn't surprised to see Rachel and Amber scoot on out of there.

This week, without all that much squealing and jumping around, the sideshow headed across the border to Mexico.  Ben decided to wear incredibly tight pants and wake the girls up at 3am.  I'm generally not a fan of Lauren H. but she is pretty entertaining.  All the girls were so mortified for Ben to see them sans make up and avec bedhead.  She rocked her retainer and had no shame in her middle-of-the-night-wake-up game.

Amanda was picked for the first one-on-one date which she must have been getting ready for in her sleep because she popped up out of bed with perfectly curled hair, flawless make up and no hint of morning voice whatsoever.  I hate her!  I actually like Amanda a lot but Ben is so young and I'm not sure that he's ready to take on two kids and the lifestyle change that would bring.  It's not that he's scared to take on those responsibilities but it may not be what he's looking for at this point in his life.  I feel for Amanda because she's done a lot of living at such a young age.  She told her story of getting married young and admitted it wasn't a great marriage but she has some really mature insight and, at no point made herself out to be a victim.

Other than the awkward love language lesson at the beginning, I loved the cooking group date.  It would be so fun to run around a Mexican market and find ingredients to put together an authentic meal.  I'm not sure why Ben wasn't a judge.  You would think, in a competition setting, he should be at least tasting the food to see what these ladies are made of.  Now don't go thinking that I believe a wife should be stuck in the kitchen every night cooking for her man but having high quality dining experiences at home is a really big part of my marriage no matter who is doing the cooking.  Food brings people together!

Poor Jubilee.  She is simply not cut out for this process.  She has such a hard time being comfortable in her own skin around the other girls.  I hated to see Ben get heated about her inability to warm up to him but she needed to hear how that makes him feel.  If I was a contestant on The Bachelor, I would be a less fit, slightly less sulky Jubilee.  I could not deal with watching other girls being all over the guy I was trying to date.  I'd be the girl sleeping on the couch during the cocktail party and Ben would friendzone me by week two (if not sooner).

Why why why why why why why why why did Ben give Olivia the group date rose?  Why?  Tell me...  please someone explain this to me.  Ben and Lauren B. spent some really quality time together just strolling and making out and then Olivia gets the rose?  Stop.  Just stop.

Lauren H.'s one-on-one at Mexican Fashion Week was cool but she and Ben didn't seem to be able to spend all that much time together.  Can I please take a moment to say how incredibly smoking hot Ben looked on the catwalk!?  Dying.

Lauren really did hold her own and, despite being surrounded by gorgeous professional models, she was an incredibly good sport about the whole thing.

I have no recollection of what they chatted about at dinner or even if she received a rose but I don't remember running mascara or heaving tears so I assume all ended in Lauren's favour.

Things really hit the fan during the cocktail party when Olivia flat out told Amanda that her life was like an episode of Teen Mom.  Now, I love Teen Mom and, coincidentally, it is on right after The Bachelor.  I know the Teen Mom girls' (but mostly the dad's...) lives are or have been total train-wreaks but I can't get enough.

If someone compared my life to that of one of the Teen Moms, I'd have to take a reeeeeeeal good look at myself or at that person.  Olivia was                                                                                                         so far off base by saying that and                                                                                                               other contestants did not like it at                                                                                                             all.  Like... at all at all.

We were left hanging off the edge of our couches when, just before the start of the rose ceremony, Ben asked if he could speak to Olivia in private.  And then...

Son of a.... !!!!