(the morning) After the Final Rose

Do you ever wake up in the morning with a sense that all is right and just in this world?  Today, I did.  Despite sitting here in front of my computer screen for a good ten minutes, I cannot come up with one mean thing to say about last night's finale of The Bachelor.  All of the things I wished would happen did and everyone went on to live their lives happily ever after.  The end.

Now hindsight is 20/20 and, believe you me, I was faaaaa-reaking out during the entire finale episode.  I was so sure how all of this would end but watching Ben and the girls live through the decision making process was so stressful.  At one point, two of my girlfriends and I were just sending each other selfies of our scared faces.  One of us may or may not have been crying through the whole episode... I blame hormones.

Ben's opening monologue was the ultimate "What have I done?!" realization.  Now he's worried he'll make a mistake and propose to the wrong girl?!  ...  uhhhhh...  You know you told both of them you're in love and there's an entire camera crew with you and both girls will see this right!?  There's no undoing that.  It is literally archived for the rest of time.  At that point, he was in for a world of hurt regardless of who he ended up with.



How much do we love Ben's parents?!  They are so wonderful.  They have a gentle nature but aren't shy about expressing concerns while respecting that this is Ben's decision.  And check out Ben's dad's full head of hair!  That's a great sign of things to come for future generations.

Mom was not buying this "in love with two girls" thing.  That being said, both parents seemed very open to getting to know the ladies and gave Lauren and JoJo each a really fair shot.


Lauren is certainly the more polished and composed of the two women.  Her chat with Ben's Mom impressed me.  It is not easy for most to go to their future mother-in-law for relationship advice.  She earned some serious points with me when she asked Mom about how she could help Ben through hard times.  If I had a family member going as The Bachelor/ette or a contestant, I would be so concerned that the couple only gets to see the best in each other.  Their relationships have been so short and the experience is intensified by outlandish dates, a production crew and the nature of competition.  Being in a marriage or any kind of long term relationship is really hard work and learning how to get through the tough stuff is the most challenging, although rewarding, part.

When JoJo arrived at the Higgins' little vacation home, she handed Ben's mom an awkward little bouquet in a conch shell.  "Let me just put these flowers next to the massive bouquet Lauren brought for us..."  JoJo is a really nice girl and undoubtedly head over heels for Ben.  The main factor for me swaying toward Lauren is that JoJo seems to be more wrapped up in the glamour of love.  She talks about being with Ben like it's a fairy tale and this is her perfect love story.  Lauren comes across as more of a giver and JoJo is all about how Ben makes her feel and what he gives to her.

After JoJo's visit, I really felt for Ben's poor poor mom.  It took everything in her not to reach across the couch and shake him.  She was trying so hard to keep it together and let Ben be a big boy and make his own decisions but I mean... she burst out laughing when Lauren said that Ben seems perfect...  She knows Ben better than anyone and she remained so open and positive.  You could just tell in her interview after the visits that she was really hurting for Ben.

I'm never mad at Chris Harrison but it was really annoying that, right before every commercial break, he tried to make it seem like Ben was going to get married right then and there on After the Final Rose.  Ben's hometown pastor was really into that Bible...



Has anyone noticed that JoJo's parents could play Dr. Phil and his wife Robin on SNL?  Twitter was going crazy with speculation when Lauren's entire family was shown but only JoJo's parents- no brothers.  Personally, I assumed that it was really meaningful for Ben to have them as groomsmen since they hit it off so well at hometowns...  not.  Ben never wants to see those dudes again





As Ben tried to make up his mind as to who to propose to, one of his arguments for JoJo was that they had gone through really hard things together and withstood true relationship tests.  Ummm...  no- you really haven't.  The most serious hardship they had to face was knowing what to do after a table fell over when a helicopter, which was there to fly them around Vegas, landed too close to them on a rooftop.  That is not a hardship...

If I was Lauren during her last one-on-one date, I'd be panicking BIG time.  Ben was so off and giving her nothing.  He kissed her on the forehead about twenty times which is sweet if you're sitting around watching TV but not when you're a day away from getting either proposed to or dumped.  When a guy starts a sentence by saying "No matter what happens...", it's a terrible terrible sign.

At this point in the episode, I was stress eating popcorn by the handful.  I literally had more than ten pieces of it sitting in my tank top when I went to change for bed.

Didn't Ben and JoJo have that exact date already?  Waterfall, smooching, sitting on a grimy rock without a towel...  Both of them likely came down with bacterial infections after that chat.  At least JoJo picked a much more practical bathing suit this time.  Ben had such a heavy heart through both of those dates and wasn't able to relax at all.  JoJo must have had horrible thoughts running through her mind as to what Ben was thinking.  When she asked Ben to open up to her, he told her "It's exactly what you probably think".  Imagine if something is as bad and horrific as you have in your head?!

Ben was obviously putting his foot in his mouth BIG time.  Now he's keeping quiet and not saying anything?!  Last week he was confessing his love to any pretty girl that walked by and now he wants to worry about breaking hearts?!

Ben ended up completely friendzoning JoJo.  I feel bad for her because there is no way I would want any guy to see me crying on a bathroom floor unless I was going to marry them.  Some things are sacred and only for your girlfriends to see.  If a man can make you feel better when you're blubbering with your forehead on a public toilet seat and then speak to you again, marry him.  Trust me.







I hesitate to say that any massive diamond ring is ugly but Ben picked the worrrrrst one.  I'm a bit of a purist when it comes to jewelry.  I love my princess cut solitaire and wouldn't trade it for another piece of bling.  The one he chose reminded me of a big college football ring.  Both Lauren and JoJo are so girly that I wish he had something more dainty and pretty than big and in your face.  All of that being said, Neil Lane seems like a really stand up guy!





The moments leading up to the first helicopter are excruciatingly thrilling to watch.  I worry about Chris Harrison's hearing as he doesn't appear to have any protection for his ears and those helicopters come close!  I could not look away from the television and, although I was so positive Lauren would be "the one", there was a moment when I believed that JoJo could pull through.






As JoJo approached, I knew from the look in his eye that he was about to let her go.  After he gave his speech, I honestly wish, on JoJo's behalf, that a trap door opened up below her and just made her disappear.  #devastation  I can't imagine standing there across from the man you are in love with and hear the dreaded "...but...".  She really kept it together and, although clearly devastated, she made an incredibly graceful, though tearful, exit.  Look at her though- she looked stun-ning!




I LOVE BEN FOR CALLING LAUREN'S DAD!  *squealllllllll* I can't quit him.  I really don't have the capacity to think of him in a negative light.  Do I agree with every decision he's made?  No.  Do I love him and think he's the least douchey Bachelor yet?  Absolutely!    Lauren is the best match for Ben and I happen to have high hopes for their relationship.  They are more on the same page as far as career, lifestyle and family than most Bachelor/ette couples we've seen.  They both seem pretty normal other than the spotlight that will follow them around for a bit.  As long as they agree to a few Instagram sponsorships and have a cute dog, they will live happily ever after just like Sean and Catherine.




So that's it!  Season is over,  Lauren and Ben will get married and stay that way forever and JoJo is The Bachelorette!  Everyone wins.  Will you be watching JoJo find love in the Fall?  What are your thoughts on Ben's final pick?  Thanks for following along and keep your eye out for non-Bachelor posts between now and JoJo's season!

Why couldn't you just keep your mouth shut, Ben?! A recap of the Final Three

I could barely get out of bed today due to the emotional hangover caused by last night's episode of The Bachelor.  I was also hoping I would have a snow day from work but it was mostly due to Ben's outrageous and utterly reckless behaviour.

 

The episode after hometowns is always do or die for the final three ladies.  They've proven that their families aren't crazy (or in the case of this season, their families don't include two small children) and Ben is at least remotely interested in shacking up with each one in the Fantasy Suite.

Caila was the lucky winner of the first date with Ben.  That makes her the least at risk for getting an STI as well as the one Ben will remember least after three straight nights of drinking wine and doin' it.  

Caila is too much.  First of all- she has an impossibly gorgeous body, flawless teeth and are-you-joking-me hair.  Don't you hate that?!  She confuses me.  I can't figure out if she's really sweet and charming or if she's trying too hard.  No one can be that smiley and articulate all the time.  It worried me when she didn't feel comfortable expressing her insecurities to Ben as they floated down a river, likely filled with snakes, on a bamboo raft.  She's all oogley googley when it comes to talking about the mushy stuff but she wasn't able to make herself vulnerable at all to tell Ben she was feeling insecure.

I can understand how Caila's intensity was attractive to Ben.  She makes crazy eye contact and is such a passionate and deep person.  I'm just not convinced Caila can turn it off.  Can she throw on a pair of sweats and watch mindless television?  Can she open up and really work through stressful or tough situations?

The best thing about this season is that, when it comes to the final three women, there aren't any villains.  Ben legitimately narrowed it down to three really nice girls who are there for all the right reasons.  They all seem quite normal (despite their insane beauty) and haven't (yet) done anything to get them fired from their jobs, smeared on social media or disowned by their families.  

Lauren B. (can we call her just "Lauren" now?) has been my favorite since early on.  I can't find anything wrong with her except for occasional Caribbean hair frizz.  She's a really seemingly normal person.  She isn't "too" anything.  She's super pretty but not disgustingly pretty, nice but not nicey nicey and just an overall stable girl.  Wait...  not as in a girl who works with horses...  just a girl who has her sh!t together, you know?   

I'm going to let you in on a little secret...  I almost cried about five times when Ben and Lauren were helping the baby sea turtles get to the ocean.  That date was amazing!  It's another great example of Lauren not caring that much about the glitz and glam.  All of Lauren's dates with Ben have been about compassion and care for others.   Ok... so that time they were in a hot tub in the middle of no where won't win them any humanitarian awards but so much of their time together is about sharing these really tender experiences and giving back.  

The world stopped spinning for me when Ben told Lauren he was in love with her.  Is that an exaggeration?  No.  (yes...)  My jaw was on the floor.  If you are The Bachelor, and you tell a girl you're in love with her, the season is over.  No need for a helicopter ride or impractical gown and shoe combination.  Just call Neil Lane, tell him to get over to the resort with his suitcase full of diamonds and pop one on that finger.  Easy peasey lemon squeezey.  But no no no...  we can't possibly make things that straight forward...  Ben had to also be in love with JoJo.

I like JoJo.  I just don't like JoJo as much as I like Lauren.  JoJo is prime Bachelorette material where Lauren is a better match for Ben.  She doesn't seem as grounded and confident as Lauren.  Her past relationships sound horrendous and maybe she needs this as part of her growing process... and as grooming to be the next Bachelorette!

I love Jamaica.  It's one of my favorite places to go.  In fact, last time I was in Jamaica, I myself was proposed to.  It really is a great place to be in love.  I always see brochures for excursions to YS Falls and I've never been interested.  Now I'm totally kicking myself.  That place looks unreal!  JoJo obviously did not anticipate actually having to get in the water as her "bathing suit" was the least practical piece of "clothing" I have ever seen.  Come on now...  

Ben did not waste any time blubbering that he loves JoJo and I almost punched him right through the TV.  What are you doooooing!?

Facepalm...

Just such an incredibly poor decision on his part.  He knows there is a microphone and camera following him around right?  He knows that every other Bachelor/ette in Bachelor/ette history has been discouraged from every declaring love right?!  I wonder why that is, BEN.  You know this is aired to millions of people including the two girls you just proclaimed your love to right, BEN?!

The hardest part in all of this is that I believe him.  I do!  I really think he loves both of them and that Ben, Lauren (obviously the first wife) and JoJo (the second wife that gains a ton of weight by season three)  are going to premiere a TLC polygamy spin off this summer.  How is Ben going to get himself out of this mess?  Never mind that he has to pick one girl to propose to- he also has to deal with the aftermath of all of this over the next couple of weeks on Women Tell All and After the Final Rose.  Hopefully Juan Pablo shows up to give him some advice.

Luckily, Ben knew that he was not in love with Caila so he sent her home.  This was the only point in the season where we saw Caila without a smile on her face which gives me hope that she is not a robot and that she does feel emotions like hurt and sadness... at least that one time.  

I don't know what this dude is going to do at the finale.  The previews show Ben whipping out his cell phone (why would he even need a phone in his suit pocket during a proposal on television!?), crying, sitting on the ground...  It could be (say it with me now) the most dramatic Bachelor finale yet.  

 

  

There's no town like Hometowns!!

Hometown visits are the "do or die" of The Bachelor/ette.  We have seen the unthinkable happen inside contestants' homes.  We all know from our own dating experiences that going to meet Mom and Dad or introducing your bf/gf to your family is so so stressful.  Imagine involving a production crew with lights, cameras and microphones?  My family would not be down and I can't imagine the days of planning that go into setting up these hometown visits.

Amanda definitely had the most to gain or lose out of her hometown visit.  Unfortunately, she lost half of her top right before filming.  Least practical shirt ever.  I don't even understand the mechanics behind it.  How does it stay up?  Apparently not very well as she was pulling on it the entire time.

Ben finally got to meet Amanda's little girls and they are adorbs (although they caught their mother's impractical outfit gene because those sandals were not beach appropriate).  He didn't seem freaked out right off the bat. Ben is obviously really comfortable around kids and he really honors that they're a huge part of Amanda. He knows that he will have to be the one to change and adapt to their lives if he is to continue a relationship with her.  I'm pretty sure he was crying when Amanda ran up the beach to greet them.  It could have been sand in his eye or allergies but I'm fairly certain they were real tears.

I don't think Amanda will be at the end of this but it's an important process for her to go through. It's opening her eyes to the importance of dating and finding a loving adult to connect with.

Ben is so incredible at talking. That's potentially a ridiculous thing to say but he is so confident and open.  He never stumbles on his words or sounds like he's b-s'ing.  Amanda's parents obviously had some serious concerns about Ben coming into the lives of these two little ones but Ben was really honest and didn't just tell them what they wanted to hear.

Knowing what Ben knows already about the limelight and the aftermath of being on a show like The Bachelor, he must consider how Amanda would be able to deal and cope with that.  Sometimes I look back on Emily Maynard being a contestant and then The Bachelorette and wonder how she juggled being a single mom with being such a public figure.  Amanda is also so so so young and has so much going on that I don't think she even wants to put herself through all of this.

Ben then traveled to Portland OR to visit Lauren and her family. That place seems completely up Ben's alley. Heck- Portland is completely up my alley!  They seem the most relaxed and normal together out of all the couples. They just look at each other and their eyes sparkle and talk.  He likes her so so so much.  He's crying again just thinking about his love for her.

Even Lauren's family is pretty low on the crazy family scale. I liked how protective but open her sister and dad were. They expressed their concerns but also trusted that Lauren really is falling in love and that she wants this.
The worst thing that happened was her dad calling her "LoLo".  That's lamelame.

Lauren is the most ready for all of this.  Her family is supportive, she has it together but not in a "I have to leave my 6-figure career for you and move to a remote farm where no one has all of their teeth way.  She just likes him.  And he likes her.  And what more can you want in a relationship!?

As time goes on, I am liking Caila less and less.  She has this weird ability to be too cutesy but also really intense. Every conversation is really deep and filled with big words but also a bit innocent and immature.

Her date with Ben pretty much showcased exactly that.  I guess it's cool that your dad owns a toy factory but we never see a grown up or really serious side of Caila.  Everything seems to be butterflies and rainbows and Ben isn't looking for that.  Even though he is only 27, he has maturity and grounded qualities that are lacking in Caila.

It freaks me out when adults call their parents Mommy and Daddy.  Caila's Daddy also freaks me out.  I see where Caila gets her intense eye contact and inappropriately large vocabulary.  You know when people use big words and lengthy analogies all the time just because they can?  Or when you go to someone's house for dinner and the hosts try to engage you in really detailed conversation about Syrian politics?

Long story short, despite Ben being really attracted to Caila, he has so much more real chemistry with the other girls.  There is so much more interest and variety in the personalities of Amanda, Lauren and JoJo.  Speaking of JoJo...

I watch a lot of reality TV.  I mean a.... lot.  I've watched horrendous shows that I am not proud of.  I like to think The Bachelor is one of the "top tier" programs.  It's in its twentieth season, it has millions of viewers, etc.  That whole flowers-and-letter-from-JoJo's-ex was too much.  What was the point of all of that?!  She seemed legit pissed and couldn't believe that was happening.  I would like to think that, if I was on a show like The Bachelor, every guy I've ever batted an eyelash at would be super jealous and want me for themselves but don't put it on air!  What a lamesauce move by production.  I hated that.

JoJo's brothers were obviously taking whiskey shots before filming began.  They were so over the top when JoJo came in. If you don't know the background behind her brother Ben, check out this site immediately- http://www.bustle.com/articles/144886-videos-of-jojos-brother-ben-patton-on-ready-for-love-make-him-look-like-a-hypocrite.  What a doucher.

Overprotective older brothers make me so mad.  They put Ben in such an uncomfortable position and it's the first time that we see him shut down.  He was really flat and vague when talking to them. All of that being said, I think the brothers are right when they tell JoJo that Ben doesn't seem as invested as she is. How amazing was their mom when she was just drinking champ straight out of the bottle while the brothers were ranting in the kitchen?!

Being sent home immediately after hometowns is the ultimate diss. I would absolutely disown my family if a guy dumped me the night after meeting them.  That being said, Amanda can't possibly be too crushed about Ben sending her home.  She has an entire family waiting for her and she knew all along that Ben might not be into the whole "come be a stepdad!" life.

My prediction is that JoJo and Lauren will be final two.  Other than Caila's perfect physical appearance, she won't be able to stand out against them.  I'm so looking forward to seeing how this season will play out!!