Why couldn't you just keep your mouth shut, Ben?! A recap of the Final Three

I could barely get out of bed today due to the emotional hangover caused by last night's episode of The Bachelor.  I was also hoping I would have a snow day from work but it was mostly due to Ben's outrageous and utterly reckless behaviour.

 

The episode after hometowns is always do or die for the final three ladies.  They've proven that their families aren't crazy (or in the case of this season, their families don't include two small children) and Ben is at least remotely interested in shacking up with each one in the Fantasy Suite.

Caila was the lucky winner of the first date with Ben.  That makes her the least at risk for getting an STI as well as the one Ben will remember least after three straight nights of drinking wine and doin' it.  

Caila is too much.  First of all- she has an impossibly gorgeous body, flawless teeth and are-you-joking-me hair.  Don't you hate that?!  She confuses me.  I can't figure out if she's really sweet and charming or if she's trying too hard.  No one can be that smiley and articulate all the time.  It worried me when she didn't feel comfortable expressing her insecurities to Ben as they floated down a river, likely filled with snakes, on a bamboo raft.  She's all oogley googley when it comes to talking about the mushy stuff but she wasn't able to make herself vulnerable at all to tell Ben she was feeling insecure.

I can understand how Caila's intensity was attractive to Ben.  She makes crazy eye contact and is such a passionate and deep person.  I'm just not convinced Caila can turn it off.  Can she throw on a pair of sweats and watch mindless television?  Can she open up and really work through stressful or tough situations?

The best thing about this season is that, when it comes to the final three women, there aren't any villains.  Ben legitimately narrowed it down to three really nice girls who are there for all the right reasons.  They all seem quite normal (despite their insane beauty) and haven't (yet) done anything to get them fired from their jobs, smeared on social media or disowned by their families.  

Lauren B. (can we call her just "Lauren" now?) has been my favorite since early on.  I can't find anything wrong with her except for occasional Caribbean hair frizz.  She's a really seemingly normal person.  She isn't "too" anything.  She's super pretty but not disgustingly pretty, nice but not nicey nicey and just an overall stable girl.  Wait...  not as in a girl who works with horses...  just a girl who has her sh!t together, you know?   

I'm going to let you in on a little secret...  I almost cried about five times when Ben and Lauren were helping the baby sea turtles get to the ocean.  That date was amazing!  It's another great example of Lauren not caring that much about the glitz and glam.  All of Lauren's dates with Ben have been about compassion and care for others.   Ok... so that time they were in a hot tub in the middle of no where won't win them any humanitarian awards but so much of their time together is about sharing these really tender experiences and giving back.  

The world stopped spinning for me when Ben told Lauren he was in love with her.  Is that an exaggeration?  No.  (yes...)  My jaw was on the floor.  If you are The Bachelor, and you tell a girl you're in love with her, the season is over.  No need for a helicopter ride or impractical gown and shoe combination.  Just call Neil Lane, tell him to get over to the resort with his suitcase full of diamonds and pop one on that finger.  Easy peasey lemon squeezey.  But no no no...  we can't possibly make things that straight forward...  Ben had to also be in love with JoJo.

I like JoJo.  I just don't like JoJo as much as I like Lauren.  JoJo is prime Bachelorette material where Lauren is a better match for Ben.  She doesn't seem as grounded and confident as Lauren.  Her past relationships sound horrendous and maybe she needs this as part of her growing process... and as grooming to be the next Bachelorette!

I love Jamaica.  It's one of my favorite places to go.  In fact, last time I was in Jamaica, I myself was proposed to.  It really is a great place to be in love.  I always see brochures for excursions to YS Falls and I've never been interested.  Now I'm totally kicking myself.  That place looks unreal!  JoJo obviously did not anticipate actually having to get in the water as her "bathing suit" was the least practical piece of "clothing" I have ever seen.  Come on now...  

Ben did not waste any time blubbering that he loves JoJo and I almost punched him right through the TV.  What are you doooooing!?

Facepalm...

Just such an incredibly poor decision on his part.  He knows there is a microphone and camera following him around right?  He knows that every other Bachelor/ette in Bachelor/ette history has been discouraged from every declaring love right?!  I wonder why that is, BEN.  You know this is aired to millions of people including the two girls you just proclaimed your love to right, BEN?!

The hardest part in all of this is that I believe him.  I do!  I really think he loves both of them and that Ben, Lauren (obviously the first wife) and JoJo (the second wife that gains a ton of weight by season three)  are going to premiere a TLC polygamy spin off this summer.  How is Ben going to get himself out of this mess?  Never mind that he has to pick one girl to propose to- he also has to deal with the aftermath of all of this over the next couple of weeks on Women Tell All and After the Final Rose.  Hopefully Juan Pablo shows up to give him some advice.

Luckily, Ben knew that he was not in love with Caila so he sent her home.  This was the only point in the season where we saw Caila without a smile on her face which gives me hope that she is not a robot and that she does feel emotions like hurt and sadness... at least that one time.  

I don't know what this dude is going to do at the finale.  The previews show Ben whipping out his cell phone (why would he even need a phone in his suit pocket during a proposal on television!?), crying, sitting on the ground...  It could be (say it with me now) the most dramatic Bachelor finale yet.  

 

  

There's no town like Hometowns!!

Hometown visits are the "do or die" of The Bachelor/ette.  We have seen the unthinkable happen inside contestants' homes.  We all know from our own dating experiences that going to meet Mom and Dad or introducing your bf/gf to your family is so so stressful.  Imagine involving a production crew with lights, cameras and microphones?  My family would not be down and I can't imagine the days of planning that go into setting up these hometown visits.

Amanda definitely had the most to gain or lose out of her hometown visit.  Unfortunately, she lost half of her top right before filming.  Least practical shirt ever.  I don't even understand the mechanics behind it.  How does it stay up?  Apparently not very well as she was pulling on it the entire time.

Ben finally got to meet Amanda's little girls and they are adorbs (although they caught their mother's impractical outfit gene because those sandals were not beach appropriate).  He didn't seem freaked out right off the bat. Ben is obviously really comfortable around kids and he really honors that they're a huge part of Amanda. He knows that he will have to be the one to change and adapt to their lives if he is to continue a relationship with her.  I'm pretty sure he was crying when Amanda ran up the beach to greet them.  It could have been sand in his eye or allergies but I'm fairly certain they were real tears.

I don't think Amanda will be at the end of this but it's an important process for her to go through. It's opening her eyes to the importance of dating and finding a loving adult to connect with.

Ben is so incredible at talking. That's potentially a ridiculous thing to say but he is so confident and open.  He never stumbles on his words or sounds like he's b-s'ing.  Amanda's parents obviously had some serious concerns about Ben coming into the lives of these two little ones but Ben was really honest and didn't just tell them what they wanted to hear.

Knowing what Ben knows already about the limelight and the aftermath of being on a show like The Bachelor, he must consider how Amanda would be able to deal and cope with that.  Sometimes I look back on Emily Maynard being a contestant and then The Bachelorette and wonder how she juggled being a single mom with being such a public figure.  Amanda is also so so so young and has so much going on that I don't think she even wants to put herself through all of this.

Ben then traveled to Portland OR to visit Lauren and her family. That place seems completely up Ben's alley. Heck- Portland is completely up my alley!  They seem the most relaxed and normal together out of all the couples. They just look at each other and their eyes sparkle and talk.  He likes her so so so much.  He's crying again just thinking about his love for her.

Even Lauren's family is pretty low on the crazy family scale. I liked how protective but open her sister and dad were. They expressed their concerns but also trusted that Lauren really is falling in love and that she wants this.
The worst thing that happened was her dad calling her "LoLo".  That's lamelame.

Lauren is the most ready for all of this.  Her family is supportive, she has it together but not in a "I have to leave my 6-figure career for you and move to a remote farm where no one has all of their teeth way.  She just likes him.  And he likes her.  And what more can you want in a relationship!?

As time goes on, I am liking Caila less and less.  She has this weird ability to be too cutesy but also really intense. Every conversation is really deep and filled with big words but also a bit innocent and immature.

Her date with Ben pretty much showcased exactly that.  I guess it's cool that your dad owns a toy factory but we never see a grown up or really serious side of Caila.  Everything seems to be butterflies and rainbows and Ben isn't looking for that.  Even though he is only 27, he has maturity and grounded qualities that are lacking in Caila.

It freaks me out when adults call their parents Mommy and Daddy.  Caila's Daddy also freaks me out.  I see where Caila gets her intense eye contact and inappropriately large vocabulary.  You know when people use big words and lengthy analogies all the time just because they can?  Or when you go to someone's house for dinner and the hosts try to engage you in really detailed conversation about Syrian politics?

Long story short, despite Ben being really attracted to Caila, he has so much more real chemistry with the other girls.  There is so much more interest and variety in the personalities of Amanda, Lauren and JoJo.  Speaking of JoJo...

I watch a lot of reality TV.  I mean a.... lot.  I've watched horrendous shows that I am not proud of.  I like to think The Bachelor is one of the "top tier" programs.  It's in its twentieth season, it has millions of viewers, etc.  That whole flowers-and-letter-from-JoJo's-ex was too much.  What was the point of all of that?!  She seemed legit pissed and couldn't believe that was happening.  I would like to think that, if I was on a show like The Bachelor, every guy I've ever batted an eyelash at would be super jealous and want me for themselves but don't put it on air!  What a lamesauce move by production.  I hated that.

JoJo's brothers were obviously taking whiskey shots before filming began.  They were so over the top when JoJo came in. If you don't know the background behind her brother Ben, check out this site immediately- http://www.bustle.com/articles/144886-videos-of-jojos-brother-ben-patton-on-ready-for-love-make-him-look-like-a-hypocrite.  What a doucher.

Overprotective older brothers make me so mad.  They put Ben in such an uncomfortable position and it's the first time that we see him shut down.  He was really flat and vague when talking to them. All of that being said, I think the brothers are right when they tell JoJo that Ben doesn't seem as invested as she is. How amazing was their mom when she was just drinking champ straight out of the bottle while the brothers were ranting in the kitchen?!

Being sent home immediately after hometowns is the ultimate diss. I would absolutely disown my family if a guy dumped me the night after meeting them.  That being said, Amanda can't possibly be too crushed about Ben sending her home.  She has an entire family waiting for her and she knew all along that Ben might not be into the whole "come be a stepdad!" life.

My prediction is that JoJo and Lauren will be final two.  Other than Caila's perfect physical appearance, she won't be able to stand out against them.  I'm so looking forward to seeing how this season will play out!!

Yeah....Leah and I are in a serious fight...

You know that cardinal rule to never go to bed angry?  Well last night, I could barely stop pacing my bedroom and I'm still furious today.  I fought for Leah.  Every week that she got a rose, I knew her time would come.  I knew Ben would give her a chance and that he saw something in her.  It turns out none of us knew her at all.  Leah is sneaky and petty and just plain old mean.  We're in a fight.

I digress...

From this point on in any season of The Bachelor/ettte, you can count on one thing- a whoooooole lotta crying.  Feelings are growing, emotions are running high and everyone is just drop dead confused and insecure about where they stand with the person they're dating who happens to be dating many other women.  #roughlife

Last week's episode ended with Ben asking to talk to Olivia right before the rose ceremony and then a big ol' "To be continued" across the screen.  We all knew Olivia would somehow talk in circles around Ben and he wouldn't want to take the rose from her and she would walk back into that rose ceremony and all of the other girls would make bitchy faces.  Am I right or am I right?

Olivia believes she's super smart and incredibly exceptional.  To prove her intellectual depth, she told Ben, "I want to talk smart things." She's so deep that tears don't even come out of her eyes when she's crying.  She just whimpers and dabs at her eyes.  It's like air crying.  Olivia is obnoxious, self-centered and incredibly annoying.  She does say some offside things but I don't believe she is a malicious person.




Can I take a moment to address the horrific half up top knot issue going on in the house?  Last week it was Becca and now Lauren B. is walking around town with a stupid clump on the top of her noggin.  If you couldn't tell, I hate hate hate this look.  I love a top knot but the half up kills me.  If you are thinking about trying this hairstyle- don't.  Just don't.  See how sad this model looks??






Caila was the first girl this season to get a second 1-on-1 date.  This obvious made some girls nervous and it made Leah downright irate.  Caila is smokin' hot. Her body is insanely perfect.  She seems sweet but Ben hasn't really seen the relaxed, laid back side of Calia.  He was digging a bit during their dinner date to learn more.  Calia told Ben she was falling in love with him but quickly switched gears and said she's afraid to hurt him.  Her speech was really confusing.  I thought she was about to walk out of there but then turned it around with a "I'm ready for this". She'll be the one dumped after hometowns.  Also- have you ever seen the commercials for the game Paradise Bay?  Calia looks a lot like the character!

The group dates are getting tense!  Numbers are dwindling and the girls are getting a look at Ben's relationships with everyone else.  If I was Leah, I would be at my wits' end too.  He has spent zero time with her and it's hard to understand why he's kept her around for so long. We also found out that lives 10 mins from Ben.  That's pure torture.  They're bound to see each other again and it is going to be awk-ward.

I've been to the Bahamas a bunch of times and I'm so pissed that I didn't know about those swimming pigs.  Who thought of this date?  In a way, it's incredible.  In another way, it's so weird.  At one point, Leah was trying to have a conversation with Ben and a giant pig was just oinking at their ankles.

I was so happy to see the girls' hair looking horrible.  When I'm in the Caribbean, my curly hair is a mess the whole time and I'm thrilled to know this happens to gorgeous girls traveling with a TV crew too.

Has Becca's annunciation improved since Chris' season?  She's still fairly mumbley but much easier to understand.  I hope she promotes her speech therapist on Instagram soon.

Ladies, ladies ladies...  If you are planning to go on The Bachelor, you need to know one thing. The absolute kiss of death is when you spend your one-on-one time talking crap about others. If there's one thing a guy doesn't want to hear, it's a girl complaining about another girl; especially if that other person is someone he really likes. Even if the guy asks, just be vague and air on the kind side.  You have a whole house full of girls you can bitch to.

I cannot believe that Leah really said those things about Lauren B.  Really?!  Lauren B.?!?!  Does she know this is being filmed?  Lauren B. seems really close with pretty much all of the girls.  When Becca asked Leah if she said anything, she didn't even try to make something up.  She flat out did the "No!  I would never!!!"  Why did you do that, Leah.  Why?!  She deserved to get sent packing.  Maybe she was getting desperate or bitter but good on Ben for seeing through her nastiness and not making her sit around the house any longer.  I'm worried that, because of their close proximity at home, she's going to make his life a living hell after all of this.  I predict a restraining order in Leah's near future.

The 2-on-1 dates have really been evolving over the past few seasons.  I look back at Jake's season when he took best friends Ashley S. and Ashley H.  He really liked them both and they were equally great girls.  Jake just needed to figure out which one he liked more.  Oh my god... do you remember Ali's season when she left Kasey standing on a mountain while she and Justin flew away in a helicopter?!  And that was after Kasey showed her the tattoo he got to prove his devotion...  Now, the 2-on-1's are more good vs. evil and the girls are often rivals.

The weather during the 2-on-1 is a production team's dream to foreshadow the stormy seas ahead for either Emily or Olivia.  Could they have modified the location just a bit?  At least have something a bit more interactive than sitting on a beach in the freezing cold.  Ben always has a sweater or a coat while the girls are stuck in bathing suits and sheer cover-ups.  I'll cut to the chase and just start rejoicing that we no longer have to listen to Olivia talk about how much better she is than everybody else.  Emily is definitely genuine and really funny.   I like her so much more since her twin Hailey was dumped in front of her whole family in their living room.  I don't think there are romantic vibes between Emily and Ben but she's a great girl.  The twins are gimmes for Paradise Island.


How do the producers come up with these post-dump scenes?!  They are so incredible.  I don't know how they're not up for some sort of artistic Emmy.

Olivia was left on this little strip of rocks and sand in nothing short of a hurricane as Ben and Emily took a boat back to who-knows-where.  Olivia didn't really seem that torn up about getting dumped.  She was more surprised that she wasn't "winning" and that Ben wasn't falling for her act.







Ben decided he didn't need a cocktail party before the rose ceremony.  Chris Harrison told the girls it was because he had his mind made up but I think it's because the Coast Guard was trying to fish him out of the ocean after the ridiculous scene of him standing on a cliff... in his suit... in hurricane force winds and rain... #unsafe




I wasn't shocked to see Lauren H. pack her crayons and head back to her kindergarten class.  She's a really nice girl but her connection with Ben was lacking in wattage for sure.  Can we call Lauren B. just Lauren now?  Screw you, Leah.

What are your hometown visit predictions?  I'm thinking Emily is gonzo next week.  I'm calling Lauren (B. of course!), JoJo, Amanda and Caila.  Becca will get dumped right before hometowns. Share your thoughts and comments below!!

Telling someone their life is like Teen Mom is kind of an insult...

The past two weeks of The Bachelor have me completely on edge.  I couldn't even write a summary last week because I've been utterly rattled.

Last week, the girls packed their bags and headed to Vegas. Don't get me wrong- Vegas is amazing.  My husband and I went to Vegas  right before our wedding to run away from our lives and not deal with anything having to do with being an adult.  It is not a place I would go to fall in love.  Yes- people get married there but no one goes thinking they're going to meet their soul mate if they haven't already.  The best thing about Vegas is the dry heat.  I have thick curly hair and it looked incredible the whole time I was there.

Weeks four and five are when things start getting real.  During the first few weeks, the one-on-one dates are to weed out the girls he doesn't know very well.  Now Ben is choosing the girls he really likes.  They haven't gotten dates earlier because he was confident he liked them.

Jojo was an totally expected and incredibly obvious choice for a one-on-one date.  She has been a fan favorite since the beginning and now we finally get to learn more about her.  Isn't she so gorgeous?  There has to be something wrong with her...  Does she pick her nose?  Does she look awful when her make up wears off?  Does she swear like a sailor? 

The date itself was a bit of a yawn although Jojo opened up to Ben with a super tragic story about her dating a guy for a year and a half and then he was douchey so she dumped him.  Wait- that's not tragic or dramatic.  When you don't like the person you're dating, you should dump them and then look for someone who won't cheat on you.

I couldn't believe that production was letting the twin thing go on for so long.  Could Ben even tell them apart?  They didn't have any kind of shtick like "I have a center part, she has a sweeping bang" or  "I wear pink everyday".

For the group date, Ben took the girls to spend time with a ventriloquist.  How the hell do 1200 people pay money to see a weirdo make a puppet talk every night?  Is it mean to assume there had to have been some degree of childhood trauma going on there?

Olivia is on this show for one reason and one reason only- to get a better job than she has.  She's always way too "on" during her interviews and playing to the camera even when they're trying to get something candid.  Ben couldn't even look at her while she was during her painful painful showgirl routine at the talent show.  It seems like she has a really scripted way of doing things and when things go off script, everything falls apart.

The most refreshing thing about Ben as the Bachelor (especially in contrast to Chris) is that he listens and asks questions.  When girls tell him about being nervous or insecure, he asks them why instead of just telling them they shouldn't.  He's perfect.

I was so happy to see Becca get the second one-on-one.  I'm a big fan of hers and think she's a great gal.  I just wish she would have booked an appointment to get her roots touched up.  The date idea of marrying couples was a bit odd but they both seemed sincere and into it.  Ben has a really lovely speaking voice although he could work on his reading aloud. 


Sucks to be Chris Soules watching this knowing Becca pretty much hated everything that happened between them on his season.  Ben cannot be more different than Chris.  He's so sweet and thoughtful and incredibly present in all of the dates and conversations.


Can we talk about the twin thing again??  Don't lie...  you wanted production to pull off the two-on-one date when you found out Vegas was their hometown...  Come onnnnn...  But seriously- as if Ben asked Haley and Other Twin's mom for advice and then dumped Haley in front of sister and mom...  Every guy thinks it would be amazing to date twins but it would be a nightmare.

I loved seeing the Rose Ceremony on a huge glass surface over a pool which was apparently impossible to walk on in heels.  I'm sure they edited out at least five face-plants.  I wasn't surprised to see Rachel and Amber scoot on out of there.

This week, without all that much squealing and jumping around, the sideshow headed across the border to Mexico.  Ben decided to wear incredibly tight pants and wake the girls up at 3am.  I'm generally not a fan of Lauren H. but she is pretty entertaining.  All the girls were so mortified for Ben to see them sans make up and avec bedhead.  She rocked her retainer and had no shame in her middle-of-the-night-wake-up game.

Amanda was picked for the first one-on-one date which she must have been getting ready for in her sleep because she popped up out of bed with perfectly curled hair, flawless make up and no hint of morning voice whatsoever.  I hate her!  I actually like Amanda a lot but Ben is so young and I'm not sure that he's ready to take on two kids and the lifestyle change that would bring.  It's not that he's scared to take on those responsibilities but it may not be what he's looking for at this point in his life.  I feel for Amanda because she's done a lot of living at such a young age.  She told her story of getting married young and admitted it wasn't a great marriage but she has some really mature insight and, at no point made herself out to be a victim.

Other than the awkward love language lesson at the beginning, I loved the cooking group date.  It would be so fun to run around a Mexican market and find ingredients to put together an authentic meal.  I'm not sure why Ben wasn't a judge.  You would think, in a competition setting, he should be at least tasting the food to see what these ladies are made of.  Now don't go thinking that I believe a wife should be stuck in the kitchen every night cooking for her man but having high quality dining experiences at home is a really big part of my marriage no matter who is doing the cooking.  Food brings people together!

Poor Jubilee.  She is simply not cut out for this process.  She has such a hard time being comfortable in her own skin around the other girls.  I hated to see Ben get heated about her inability to warm up to him but she needed to hear how that makes him feel.  If I was a contestant on The Bachelor, I would be a less fit, slightly less sulky Jubilee.  I could not deal with watching other girls being all over the guy I was trying to date.  I'd be the girl sleeping on the couch during the cocktail party and Ben would friendzone me by week two (if not sooner).

Why why why why why why why why why did Ben give Olivia the group date rose?  Why?  Tell me...  please someone explain this to me.  Ben and Lauren B. spent some really quality time together just strolling and making out and then Olivia gets the rose?  Stop.  Just stop.

Lauren H.'s one-on-one at Mexican Fashion Week was cool but she and Ben didn't seem to be able to spend all that much time together.  Can I please take a moment to say how incredibly smoking hot Ben looked on the catwalk!?  Dying.

Lauren really did hold her own and, despite being surrounded by gorgeous professional models, she was an incredibly good sport about the whole thing.

I have no recollection of what they chatted about at dinner or even if she received a rose but I don't remember running mascara or heaving tears so I assume all ended in Lauren's favour.

Things really hit the fan during the cocktail party when Olivia flat out told Amanda that her life was like an episode of Teen Mom.  Now, I love Teen Mom and, coincidentally, it is on right after The Bachelor.  I know the Teen Mom girls' (but mostly the dad's...) lives are or have been total train-wreaks but I can't get enough.

If someone compared my life to that of one of the Teen Moms, I'd have to take a reeeeeeeal good look at myself or at that person.  Olivia was                                                                                                         so far off base by saying that and                                                                                                               other contestants did not like it at                                                                                                             all.  Like... at all at all.

We were left hanging off the edge of our couches when, just before the start of the rose ceremony, Ben asked if he could speak to Olivia in private.  And then...

Son of a.... !!!!

  

Fraying Lace- Week 3 Bachelor recap

It's that point in the season where you watch the Bachelor and, within the first three minutes, you find yourself wondering, "Wait...  who's that?" at least three times.  The producers have been spending 80% of their time on 20% of the girls and now, since numbers are dwindling already, one starts to notice people like Jennifer, Shushana and Rachel.  Who?  Exactly.

Jennifer

Shushanna

Rachel

Lauren B. is adorbs and it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that she scored the episode's first 1-on-1 date.  Despite being a flight attendant, she seemed out of her element flying in a propeller plane. She probably felt insecure without her drink cart and an emergency escape plan.  How do you get out of one of those planes if it's going down?

Although Lauren was nervous, it was refreshing to see a date that involved flying and heights where the girl doesn't happen to be deathly afraid of both of those things. The pilot conveniently flew directly over the Bachelor mansion while all of the girls happened to be outside.  That's just cruel.

Finally the plane landed in an incredibly remote location that, conveniently enough, had a working hot tub. Where is the plug and water source for said hot tub?  Who was the poor bloke that had to lug that thing out, fill it up, then come back out to empty it and cart it away?!

Ben and Lauren were really comfortable and sweet together.  The main issue I had was trying to figure out how her hair was so gorgeous while being in the hot tub?  I would look way worse than this coming out of more than 10 mins in a hot tub:

A quiet dinner allowed Ben to get to know about Lauren's family and values.  He was so sweaty during their chat. Give this dude a t-shirt!  Chris Harrison- where were you on that one?  Lauren told Ben that she's really picky when it comes to guys because she's looking for someone as kind and caring as her dad.  If Lauren gets a home town, I bet her father will be the one cleaning his gun in the garage when they arrive.  Luckily, if things don't work out for Lauren B, she could join the band that was serenading them at the end of the night (Lucy Angel) since they all looked exactly like she will in 30 years.





The group date was a soccer competition where the girls were put on two teams and coached by players from Team USA.  Can I just go back to something for one second...  Who is Rachel??  Other than her "23, Unemployed" description, we know nothing about this girl.  She may not have played soccer before but she's sure watched enough. She faked a hamstring injury like a real pro!  Emily (the twin) was really impressive with her goal tending.  She comes across as really dainty but she was taking some serious hits!  At the end of the date, the losing team had to hobble back to the mansion while the winners rinsed off and got to enjoy an after party with Ben.

Jami was a real weiney this week.  I've been uncomfortable with her since the beginning when, during her first encounter with Ben, she revealed she knows Kaitlin and she's told her all about him.  Then, this week, she pulled Olivia aside and ratted out the girls for talking about how hideous Olivia's toes are.  By the way- why are the girls talking about how hideous Olivia's toes are?

Amber finally decided that tonight was the night to make her move and try to establish a connection with Ben.  They were having a completely boring surface conversation then they just started kissing. It was surprising because I don't sense a spark but she snatched up the group date rose so she must have left some sort of positive impression.

The second 1-on-1 date went to Jubilee.  As time goes on, I really feel for the girl.  She's really stepped out of her comfort zone.  Although Jubilee comes across as a total bad@$$, she is actually fragile, sensitive and has a tragic past.  She uses the tough girl to cover up her awkwardness and insecurities. Once she got away from the other girls, she was much more herself.

"This date shows me what just a normal day would be like". A day taking a helicopter to an exclusive spa?  Oh yeah- get used to that.  It's sad that Jubilee hasn't found someone that she can completely be herself around.  She has one of the most gut-wrenching stories I've heard on The Bachelor.  She was adopted from Haiti after her entire family died in an accident.  Ben was so genuinely kind to her.  He pushed Jubilee to open up more but, by that point, he had developed her trust.  I know that Jubilee won't be top three and I worry about her heart being even more broken.  I literally got butterflies when he kissed her hand before asking her to accept the rose.

At the end of the night, Ben entered the cocktail party and let the ladies know that two close family friends had died in a plane crash.  He told them he was down and just needed their care and support throughout the night.  Olivia immediately pulled him aside and cried about how she hates her legs...  No guy on Earth wants to hear a girl complain about her appearance on the best of days.  She's the worst.

Good on Lace for leaving the show - for real. That girl was in way over her head and knew that she and Ben weren't establishing a close connection.  I agree that she needs to work on herself but disagree with her quoting her own tattoo.  "You can't love someone else until you truly love yourself."  That must be a really long tattoo...  I bet production passed her a clipboard on her way out with her contract for Bachelor in Paradise.

Who is Rachel??

Thaaaaaaaank you, Ben, for not giving Jami a rose.  She ended the rose ceremony saying she's learned to never trust humans and that she was off to adopt a bunch of cats.

Bachelor on Ice(cube)

My apologies for being a few days behind on posting this Bachelor blog but I started watching "Making a Murderer" and... well...  need I say more?

My prediction going into this week was that Amanda (the mom) would get the one-on-one date or at least a group date rose.  I was torn between believing that Lace is actually a crazy person or perhaps she just got caught up in the excitement (and wine) of the first night.  Either way, Ben didn't seem too into her and I thought we'd see a tearful, mascara-running goodbye from Lace at the end of week two.

Let me get this straight...  Ben's staying at the Four Seasons??  Did ABC's lease run out on his mansion next door to the girls?  Maybe that was actually Chris Harrison's family home and the Bachelors were bunking with him throughout the season.  Did Chris lose it in the divorce?  Speaking of...  does anyone know if Chris Harrison is dating?

Ben was so excited to go back to high school for the group date.  He talked about how it was the best time of his life and what great memories he has there.  I can guarantee you that at least 95% of the women on that date had horrible experiences in high school.  Being a teenager is rough and I don't know many people who think back to their time as a 15-18 year old and remember it as a high point.  The mini competitions between the girls were fun and probably let Ben see who kept their cool, who got along with one another, etc.  Mandi was the overall winner of the competition but there didn't seem to be much of a prize except for a 300m ride in a convertible...

I'm starting to like Jubilee a lot more.  In her initial video, she came across very dominant but, although definitely one strong gal, she started to show a more fun and light side during the group date.

**Note:  This is not the soft, light Jubilee




Lace...  Lace, Lace, Lace...  any girl that says "I'm not crazy" over and over again and has to go out of her way to try and prove how not-crazy she is, is crazy!!  She kept talking about how her behavior on the first night wasn't really her and she doesn't want Ben to see that side of her again.  I'm sure she's not drunk and coo-coo most of the time but it's in there and once it's been unleashed, it's hard to forget and it's bound to reappear.  If Lace is feeling insecure or out of her comfort zone, she should just say that.  I'm sure Ben would be able to relate and appreciate her openness.  Ben continued to reassure her that he understands and all is well but she is really hung up on eye contact and pretty much lectures Ben when she doesn't get the attention she wants from him.  Lace is obviously really overwhelmed and is not okay in this environment. Everyone has insecurities but if the foundation isn't there, it's not going to develop competing for a man on TV.

Although I'm not a fan of bringing back past contestants, Becca is sweet as punch and seems a lot more fun and flirty with Ben than she was with Chris.  Her comfort level around the camera/lights is likely much higher than most of the girls so she's able to maximize her time with Ben and really focus on building their relationship.





"Don't kiss and tell" is a rule for a reason, ladies.  If "your" man is dating 20 other girls and he kisses you, he's probably kissing at least 10 of your housemates.  If you've run off to make out with Ben in his hotel room, none of the other girls want to hear about it.  I would find it very difficult to balance friendships within the house knowing that everyone is ultimately trying to marry the same person.  Could you really come home from a one-on-one date and dish all the deets to your newest gal pals?  Probably not.  Being a Bachelor social media stalker, I see evidence of lots of strong friendships built between the past contestants but I wonder how they put the rivalries aside.

Jojo received the group date rose.  She's quite sweet and reminds me of a not so cutesy Tenley from Jake's season.  Oh man- remember how douchey Jake and Vienna were?  So happy...  so in love.






Last week, I let you in on my disdain for twin twists and when former Bachelor contestants are brought back for "on more shot at love".  This week, I was reminded of something I hate even more than those two things- movie/TV show promos!!  If I had a one-on-one date and found out someone would be following us around making jokes the whole time, I'd leave.  None of those white girls even know who Ice Cube is. Wait...  was that Ice Cube or Ice T??  See- my point exactly.  At least he and Kevin Hart were there were nice to poor Caila. Last year, Kimmel was such a prick during Kaitlin's date with Chris.

Ben is so refreshing to watch (and listen to) after Chris' season of mumbles, stammers and not being able to communicate with women at all. Caila is a great listener and seemed to really hear Ben and bring out a vulnerable side in him during dinner.  Amos Lee showed up to serenade the couple and he is so great!  How awkward for him though.  It would be so weird standing on a stage with a full production/camera/light/sound crew just waiting for them to walk in...

The Love Lab group date was just bizarre. Ben wanted to use science to measure attraction and chemistry which involved sniffing each girl while blindfolded after they'd been on the treadmill.  Poor Sam. No one wants a guy saying they smell "sour".  Could he have just lied and said she smelled nice?  I'm surprised the whole things wasn't a promo for stress sweat deodorant.





Amanda decided the time was right to tell Ben about her daughters.  "Kids don't scare me. It's not something I've done before but they don't scare me."  So sweet!!  I thought I was going to die when, before the rose ceremony, Ben had a crafting station set up to make barrettes for the girls.  He.is.so.cute.

The whole Olivia shtick is going to wear off soon. Ben will see through it soon.  She's just...  a lot.  She's obnoxious and not really that nice or interesting.  There is obviously physical chemistry (as the Love Lab proved) but Ben's not connecting with her like he is with some of the other girls.  And that mouth...


Question- Did L.B. chose her nickname or was it automatically assigned to her when "Lauren B." was taken?  It doesn't really matter because she chose to leave this week but I am curious...

I'm worried about the girls who are on the quieter side this season.  The majority of the girls seem really sweet and kind.  If Ben's "type" is Kaitlin from the Bachelorette, the women with the louder, more outgoing personalities certainly have an advantage.  I hope he gets to spend more quality time with girls like Amanda, Lauren H,, Lauren B. and Leah.

What are your thoughts and predictions??  Comment below or tweet @midtowndiaries.

Broken vows- The Bachelor is back

The first Monday in January always brings out a special je-ne-sais-quoi in me.  If you don't know me very well, you may think things like "Wow- look at that girl and her 'New Year, New You' attitude.  Check out the pep in her step.  She's so revitalized from the holiday break!"  Those who do know me will understand that I am just counting down the hours until Chris Harrison starts hosing down the Bachelor mansion driveway and dreaming of eating handfuls of Smartfood on my couch for two hours while judging every woman I see on my TV screen.

After Chris' season, I took a solemn vow that I would never watch The Bachelor/ette again.  I absolutely hated when Kaitlyn and Britt "competed" to be The Bachelorette and, in response, I put my foot down.  I was done.  Finito.  I didn't watch The Bachelorette, I didn't talk about The Bachelorette and I certainly didn't write about The Bachelorette.  As the new year approached, I could feel a pull...  I tried to deny it.  "Don't feed the hunger!", I told myself.  "You're stronger than this!", I told myself in the mirror.

I cracked.  Monday night, at 8pm, with the remote control clasped in my shaking hands, raw instincts took over.  Before I knew it, I was being lulled by Chris Harrison's voice and I couldn't take my eyes off of the television.  You guys know I can't resist Chris Harrison...  I mean...  did you see his pic in GQ??

Considering I had boycotted Kaitlyn's season, I knew absolutely nothing about this Ben character.  First impression?  Ah-dorbs!!  He is sooooooo cuuuuuuute.  He comes across as a pretty normal dude.  His energy reminds me a bit of Sean but less virgin-y.  He has a confidence about him but in a way that will likely put the girls at ease.  My only complaint (so far) is that he was only shown with his shirt off once and it was for less than 15 seconds.  

The girls' intro videos are always pretty entertaining but only really show you a glimpse at the total nutbars and the ones with sad stories.  So far, this season has fewer tragedies than usual and seemingly more nutbars.  I'm sure the waterworks and drunken confessions will come out soon.

When it comes to any reality TV show, I loathe "twin twists".  Twins?!?  That's just cruel. First of all, no one (but mostly not Ben) will be able to tell them apart and keep them straight.  They'll have to come up with some sort of "I wear blue" or "My braid is always on the left" gimic.  One will always be crying and the other will always be telling her to get over it.  The crying one will try to be all noble and walk off the show because her sister "deserves" to win only to find out that Ben liked the crying one better and he won't give the mean one a rose.  I bet the producers sit around drinking and think of ways they can mess with everyone's emotions. I would.

You know what I dislike as much, if not more, than twin twists?!  I'll tell you.  I haaaaaate when past contestants are brought back. (who's Amber?!) I loved Becca and think she's a total sweetheart but it causes so much tension in the house.  The only good thing that can come from bringing back past contestants is me using the "who is she" pic of Elyse which I do at least 6 times a season and occasionally in my personal life.

I actually have that picture on the desktop of my computer so I can break it out at any and every opportunity.  If you didn't watch Ben Flajnik's season if The Bachelor, here is all you need to know:

Although we viewers didn't get to see all of the girls in action last night, here are some of my (judgey) first impressions:

Caila made a great first impression in her intro video. She has a fun and easygoing energy.  She seems a bit goofy but it could be nerves.  I wish she wouldn't have run out of the limo and leaped into his arms but he'll probably remember her for it.



Samantha reminds me of Becca in her gentle nature.  I worry that, sometimes, the more introverted nice girls don't get the attention they should in the beginning.  I couldn't even find a picture of Sam by googling "Samantha bachelor Ben".  Hopefully Ben will forget about her (along with the rest of the viewers) for a while but then have an amazing date and everyone will be like "Who the heck is Sam?" and you'll know...  you'll know.



Jubilee = terrifying. She is one bad ass lady!  She's a military vet and could kick my a$$ is about 10 seconds flat.  She certainly has her eye on the prize and said "There may be some casualties but all is fair in love and war" during her intro.  Assertive and tough girls don't tend to go far on The Bachelor.  I hope she is able to show him a bit of a softer side and let her guard down a bit.  I admire her strength and drive but it would be great to see her in a relaxed or playful setting so that Ben can get to know her better.


The Bachelor loves giving dentists a bad name.  Since Ashley Hebert, there are always crazy dentists or dental hygienists. Mandi is no exception. A friend once told me that you can never trust a girl with close-set eyes.  Case and point.








Amanda was my absolute front-runner for the first impression rose.  She is cute cute cute cute and her little daughters are cuter cuter cuter.  Being divorced with two kids at age 25 has got to be rough.  I find that the mom's on The Bachelor are typically a bit more mature and ready for a serious relationship than others their age.  They've put up with a ton of crap from past relationships and have so much at stake throughout the process.  Amanda's helium voice does make me twitch a tiny bit but I predict that Ben will be drawn to her quickly.


Have we learned nothing from casting Tierra/Tiara's?  If you didn't watch Sean's season of The Bachelor, you really should.  Even if it's just Episode 5 where the ladies pack their bags and head to Jasper/Banff, Alberta,  I won't ruin the whole season but Tierra turns out to be a crazy crazy person and looks like this after spending about 5 minutes in the cold:   ....  I digress.  This season's Tiara is a self-proclaimed chicken enthusiast and, although she seems quite
sweet and normal, we'll never know if there is a crazy bird lady in there just
waiting to fly the coop.



JoJo is one of the most beautiful girls in the house.  Unfortunately, she was wearing a totally weird unicorn head when she came out of the limo.  I predict JoJo will go far.  Is it too early to call a Final 3??  If I looked like that, I would never wear a unicorn head.



 

I had incredibly high hopes for Laura.  She was definitely out of her element and may have lacked the confidence to really stand out against all of the other girls.  I thought she would get a rose for sure.  T even picked her as the winner (amateur...).








Lace, Lace, Lace.  I was going to use her headshot but you probably wouldn't recognize her when she's smiling.  Her face looked like this most of the night.  I've heard horror stories of how late these tapings go and how the girls are provided with minimal food and unlimited booze.  That is a recipe for disaster for most women.  The vino may be bringing out Lace's true colors but I do look forward to seeing her manipulate Ben into liking her and have all the other girls warn him behind her back.


I was so surprised to see Jessica leave without a rose.  She immediately put Ben at ease and he seemed so into her.









Jackie is so sweet!  If she can stand out against all of the crazies and establish a close relationship with Ben quickly, I can see her as a Top 5 gal.










Olivia is stunnnnnning. She makes Ben so nervous but in a good way. He couldn't take his eyes off of her and, gave her the first impression rose.  Wouldn't she look amazing with a Cameron Diaz-esque short bob?  (yes she would).  Also- I hope she wears her hair curly in the coming weeks.


Overall, I'm excited about this season.  I love being judgey and rolling my eyes at everything ever but let's be real- I wouldn't last 30 seconds in that house.  I'd be completely drunk napping in the corner by myself.  These ladies obviously have guts and tons of confidence and I look forward to witnessing their social and romantic demise as the weeks go by.  Comments?  Predictions?  Leave me a note below or tweet me @midtowndiaries.