Why couldn't you just keep your mouth shut, Ben?! A recap of the Final Three

I could barely get out of bed today due to the emotional hangover caused by last night's episode of The Bachelor.  I was also hoping I would have a snow day from work but it was mostly due to Ben's outrageous and utterly reckless behaviour.

 

The episode after hometowns is always do or die for the final three ladies.  They've proven that their families aren't crazy (or in the case of this season, their families don't include two small children) and Ben is at least remotely interested in shacking up with each one in the Fantasy Suite.

Caila was the lucky winner of the first date with Ben.  That makes her the least at risk for getting an STI as well as the one Ben will remember least after three straight nights of drinking wine and doin' it.  

Caila is too much.  First of all- she has an impossibly gorgeous body, flawless teeth and are-you-joking-me hair.  Don't you hate that?!  She confuses me.  I can't figure out if she's really sweet and charming or if she's trying too hard.  No one can be that smiley and articulate all the time.  It worried me when she didn't feel comfortable expressing her insecurities to Ben as they floated down a river, likely filled with snakes, on a bamboo raft.  She's all oogley googley when it comes to talking about the mushy stuff but she wasn't able to make herself vulnerable at all to tell Ben she was feeling insecure.

I can understand how Caila's intensity was attractive to Ben.  She makes crazy eye contact and is such a passionate and deep person.  I'm just not convinced Caila can turn it off.  Can she throw on a pair of sweats and watch mindless television?  Can she open up and really work through stressful or tough situations?

The best thing about this season is that, when it comes to the final three women, there aren't any villains.  Ben legitimately narrowed it down to three really nice girls who are there for all the right reasons.  They all seem quite normal (despite their insane beauty) and haven't (yet) done anything to get them fired from their jobs, smeared on social media or disowned by their families.  

Lauren B. (can we call her just "Lauren" now?) has been my favorite since early on.  I can't find anything wrong with her except for occasional Caribbean hair frizz.  She's a really seemingly normal person.  She isn't "too" anything.  She's super pretty but not disgustingly pretty, nice but not nicey nicey and just an overall stable girl.  Wait...  not as in a girl who works with horses...  just a girl who has her sh!t together, you know?   

I'm going to let you in on a little secret...  I almost cried about five times when Ben and Lauren were helping the baby sea turtles get to the ocean.  That date was amazing!  It's another great example of Lauren not caring that much about the glitz and glam.  All of Lauren's dates with Ben have been about compassion and care for others.   Ok... so that time they were in a hot tub in the middle of no where won't win them any humanitarian awards but so much of their time together is about sharing these really tender experiences and giving back.  

The world stopped spinning for me when Ben told Lauren he was in love with her.  Is that an exaggeration?  No.  (yes...)  My jaw was on the floor.  If you are The Bachelor, and you tell a girl you're in love with her, the season is over.  No need for a helicopter ride or impractical gown and shoe combination.  Just call Neil Lane, tell him to get over to the resort with his suitcase full of diamonds and pop one on that finger.  Easy peasey lemon squeezey.  But no no no...  we can't possibly make things that straight forward...  Ben had to also be in love with JoJo.

I like JoJo.  I just don't like JoJo as much as I like Lauren.  JoJo is prime Bachelorette material where Lauren is a better match for Ben.  She doesn't seem as grounded and confident as Lauren.  Her past relationships sound horrendous and maybe she needs this as part of her growing process... and as grooming to be the next Bachelorette!

I love Jamaica.  It's one of my favorite places to go.  In fact, last time I was in Jamaica, I myself was proposed to.  It really is a great place to be in love.  I always see brochures for excursions to YS Falls and I've never been interested.  Now I'm totally kicking myself.  That place looks unreal!  JoJo obviously did not anticipate actually having to get in the water as her "bathing suit" was the least practical piece of "clothing" I have ever seen.  Come on now...  

Ben did not waste any time blubbering that he loves JoJo and I almost punched him right through the TV.  What are you doooooing!?

Facepalm...

Just such an incredibly poor decision on his part.  He knows there is a microphone and camera following him around right?  He knows that every other Bachelor/ette in Bachelor/ette history has been discouraged from every declaring love right?!  I wonder why that is, BEN.  You know this is aired to millions of people including the two girls you just proclaimed your love to right, BEN?!

The hardest part in all of this is that I believe him.  I do!  I really think he loves both of them and that Ben, Lauren (obviously the first wife) and JoJo (the second wife that gains a ton of weight by season three)  are going to premiere a TLC polygamy spin off this summer.  How is Ben going to get himself out of this mess?  Never mind that he has to pick one girl to propose to- he also has to deal with the aftermath of all of this over the next couple of weeks on Women Tell All and After the Final Rose.  Hopefully Juan Pablo shows up to give him some advice.

Luckily, Ben knew that he was not in love with Caila so he sent her home.  This was the only point in the season where we saw Caila without a smile on her face which gives me hope that she is not a robot and that she does feel emotions like hurt and sadness... at least that one time.  

I don't know what this dude is going to do at the finale.  The previews show Ben whipping out his cell phone (why would he even need a phone in his suit pocket during a proposal on television!?), crying, sitting on the ground...  It could be (say it with me now) the most dramatic Bachelor finale yet.