I'm a fake and a fraud and I spent way too much money on these pants...

I have a confession to make.  I've been faking it...

I know... take a moment..

Just take a deep breath...

Now that you've calmed down, just let me explain.  I've always thought myself to be a bit too high-strung.  I react quickly and emotionally, I have a hard time letting things go and I'm tend to back away from tough situations instead of taking them head on.  So what do we do when we want to change our behaviours?  We look at people we would want to be more like and see what they are doing different.  One thing that kept coming up again and again as a common factor was...  yoga.

Perfect!  Balance, flow, patience, dedication, gratitude, inner healing...  Confession time... (Lindsey Jarrett- cover your eyes)...  I can't do it.  I've tried a few different instructors, at home practice, with music, without music, wearing a sweater, wearing a t-shirt, inside, outside...  I just can't do it.

I feel like a phoney when I walk into the studio in my lululemon pants (why do they cost so much?!) and long sleeve shirt with the thumb holes.  The lady next to me is breathing too loud and ... oh god... I think my instructor just started speaking in tongues...  Does it feel good afterwards?  Yes.  Is it good for me?  No doubt.  But do I need to spend an hour doing something I don't want to do just incase I, one day, become enlightened and more connected to myself and the world?

I just don't think I'm "there".  I'm not at an open, spiritual place in my life and (I think) that's ok.  But I struggle to know if that's a sign I should keep working through or go back to my Wednesday morning spin classes where my instructor makes us sing the chorus to Fat Bottom Girls at the top of our lungs while climbing a 20 min hill.  Now that is my idea of a good work out.

Look- I am in no way dissing yoga.  I know it does incredible things for people and I have the deepest respect and admiration for all of my yogi friends.  But is it normal to start out feeling so strongly against it?  Should I keep persevering through or move on to something that is just more "me"?

Please leave your comments (and suggestions!) or join the conversation @darbyvt #yogablues

Guest Blog: Always, I mean always, have a backup Rev in your purse

Although, I think she's a total *B* for revealing she weighed 110lbs after age 16, I'd like to welcome my next guest blogger, Kari (@kari_short).  It's been so wonderful to have these brave contributors chime in on the conversation and share their stories and advice.  Kari is the epitome of of my awkward social situation soulmate.  We've been bonding over "tell me that didn't just happen" and "that rugby player just threw a coaster at my eye" for over 6 years.  Thanks for this, Kari!!

What I learned in my 20's...

You will always think that you have 5-10 pounds to lose. I have been thinking that since I was 19. I think back to 110 pound, 21 year old me and laugh. And then I donate her ridiculous size 2 dresses to Value Village.

The girly pink drinks at the bar look great, and in most cases they taste great too. But they go down like sour skittles, cost twice as much as a beer and are much more likely to make you puke. Drink basic. (However most epic nights start with a room temperature Rev you carried with you in your purse.)

I was 21 in this picture.  That dress is a size 2 

and I threw up that drink about an hour later.  

It's nice to see that I knew 'duck-lips' pose 

was going to be a hit.

The biggest thing I have learned so far, as I approach ‘late’ 20s, is when to let go and when to hang on. I still have to remind myself of this a few times a year. You have control of who you keep in your life and who you let go. Keep in touch with the friends that matter to you, and don’t be afraid to let go of the ones that drain you. It doesn’t matter how many contacts you have on your phone as long as you have one solid number you know you can call on a Wednesday afternoon to talk about nothing with.

Thank you for this, Kari!  Please give her some love and comments below or join the conversation @darbyvt or @kari_short #purserevs

Guest Blog: Going with all your heart

After receiving an overwhelming response from brave and brilliant friends, here is the first of (hopefully) many guest blogs about lessons learned in our 20's.  

As I approach the end of my twenties I have actually put a lot of thought into where I came from and where I want to go. I have grown and matured more than my 19 year old self would have ever thought possible. There are a few lessons, that although were hard at the time, I will always hold in my heart.

Always be prepared. This doesn’t mean don’t be spontaneous. If you want to book a trip on a whim, go for it. It means, know your goals and work for them. Your dream life isn’t going to fall into your lap. You may not get everything you want but figure out what is important to you and work for it.  

Go with all your heart. Whether it’s a new job, a new relationship or travel, put your whole heart into it. You never know where an opportunity will come from or where life will lead you. Even if you fail or it doesn’t turn out the way you expected, you won’t regret putting yourself out there.

Whenever possible, make from scratch. Homemade is just better. Whether it’s food, knitting or home renovations, there is something special (and healthy) about homemade.  

Celebrate. I enjoy celebrating the little things. It makes me happy. From a promotion to the anniversary of a first kiss, just celebrate, because why not?

A huge thank you to this lovely and thoughtful contributor and friend.  Can you believe this is her first go at blogging?  Please leave her your comments, love and support or join the conversation @darbyvt #allyourheart.

A love letter to my Gal Pals

Don't we all just want to have a friendship like Selena Gomez does with Demi Lovato?!  Just look at them... (You can fulfill your burning desires to see more shocking female celebrity friendships here)

All throughout my life, and especially over the past decade, I've really never understood the importance of surrounding myself with other women.  I had a few close girlfriends in high school and again through university but I've always considered myself to be a bit of a guys' girl.  Hanging out with guys was more relaxed, more fun and a whole lot less work.  For the last half of my time at university, I lived off campus in a 10 bedroom house as the sole female tenant.   To me, spending a lot of time around other girls meant wearing next to nothing at the bar, consuming fruity drinks, wearing make up to go to the library and watching reality dating shows every night (*cough*).

But now that I'm in my almost-30's and facing some pretty major life events, I am really starting to get the importance of strong relationships with girlfriends.  We really do need one another for support, encouragement, non-judgemental crying sessions and general happiness.  You need girlfriends to tell you your scarf is "cute" or how great your new highlights are.  You need them to tell you what pregnancy is actually like and to watch endless videos of Justin Timberlake on Jimmy Fallon.  We shouldn't sit around hating one another because we all have our stories, our struggles, our hormones...  No one loves a good mean-tweet during the Bachelor more than me but (who IS she?!) but I'm learning that no one will be able to relate to me more than my gal pals.  Besides, who is going to chat pop culture topics with me when I'm 100?!

So here's a big cheers and a Happy Valentine's weekend to all of the gorgeous, strong and inspiring women in my life.  Tell me about the wonderful ladies that inspire you @darbyvt #galpals

New Year's Goal- Get through winter without having to wear a light therapy visor...

December is really such a tease.  I spent all month admiring beautiful lights and decorations, enjoying good food and drinks with family and friends, feeling merry and briiiiiiiight...

And then January hit me like a ton of bricks.  The first few days were great (despite the 16 bottles of Gatorade I had to chug just to get out of bed).  I felt ambitious, motivated and excited.  THIS is the year.  The year I'll really get it together.  I'll discover the perfect work/home/social balance.  I'll make the most fabulous food while running at least 20km a week.  I'll watch less TV and read more books.  I'll do yoga.  I'll get married (oh God- that actually IS going to happen!!!)...  but then, by the first full week of January I'm already feeling overwhelmed, defeated and I've somehow managed to injure my elbow?!

This winter blues stuff is nothing new for me and I don't think I'm alone.  The cold weather and short days make me feel like a prisoner.  There is nothing appealing about leaving the comfort of my warm living room to go out in the snowpacolypse or -33 degree temperatures.  Then Thursday rolls around and I realize I haven't left the house in three days (thank the stars above that the new season of The Bachelor just started back up!).  The winter makes me feel like I'm at my worst.

As you can imagine, I'm a real joy to live with during this time of year.  T will be accepting applications for temporary fiance swaps soon.  We had a chat last night about what I can be doing to make the winter go by a bit quicker that would also help build my resume without having to wear one of these:

Although the last two "winter projects" (working part time at a Froyo shop and taking an Into to Tea class) helped make the months pass by, they aren't exactly things I feel especially proud of.  I really enjoy working with people but I also find a lot of joy in reading, writing and exploring the online social world.

It took about 2 minutes of googling before I found some really interesting courses in Social Media and Community Management at one of the Toronto colleges downtown.  Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going back to school!!  Again!!  In the Faculty of Business & Legal Studies!!  Wait... what?!  I'm excited to start my first course in Social Media Marketing next week.  

Stay warm out there and please leave me any comments or suggestions you may have on beating those winter doldrums.  You can find me on Twitter @darbyvt.

A timely inspiration and GRC Week 10: Salsa-Stuffed Muffin Meatloaf

When was the last time you were truly inspired by someone?  Have you sat across from someone lately who goes about their life and career with such passion and care that it just oozes out of them?

I've been off the wagon a bit over the past few weeks.  It's been difficult to be focused and to figure out what I need to be working toward in the not-to-distant future.  It may sound strange but I really look up to people who have their shit together.  Luckily, I don't know too many people my age who really have it all figured out but that's what your 20's are for right?!  That whole decade (or at least a good chunk) is a time to make mistakes, stay out too late, get day drunk, cry in public washrooms and just figure out where you fit.

Today I met for coffee with a woman who is the epitome of shit-togetherness.  A work colleague introduced us to chat about some potential professional development opportunities and I walked away feeling like a new person.  She has been in her profession for more years than I but she was so insightful and lovely to hang out with.  As cliche as it sounds, she really opened my eyes to the fact that I'm putting myself in a much smaller box than I should be.  I've started to believe that what I do now is simply what I should continue doing but that's not at all true.

So what's next?  I have no idea.  I was too captivated by my coffee date's loveliness and I forgot to beg her to tell me what to do now.  I'll start with picking up Life of Pi and see where that takes me.

As I head to the kitchen to make some dinner, I will leave you with this flavour (and protein!) filled Salsa-Stuffed Muffin Meatloaves from CBC's Best Recipes Ever.  I love this recipe because you could easily substitute the beef for any other ground meat or meat substitute.  Using salsa as a sauce instead of something with a lot of sugar is a great way to make a meal a bit healthier.  Pair it with some cooked carrots or green beans and you're set!

Please send along your comments, suggestions, recipes or life-changing moments in the comment section below or on Twitter @darbyvt