Throwdowns, Hoedowns and Unnecessary Cross Promotion- Bachelor Recap Week 3

A two word summary of The Bachelor last night- Shameless Promotion.  

First things first, Jimmy Kimmel is brual.  The only thing slightly entertaining about Kimmel or his show is when he does sketches where he is not the focus of attention.  For instance- Bachelor Baby (click here) is hilarious. Kimmel being a dick for the sake of being a dick is annoying.      

All of that being said...

Kaitlyn gets the first 1-on-1 date and Jimmy sends them to Costco.  I would be pumped for a Costco date.  Those memberships aren't cheap.  It's literally the most exclusive club I've ever almost been to.  I would buy huge containers of gummi worms and trail mix to share with all the girls at cocktail parties so they would have something to soak up some of that booze.  Or I'd call my friend Julie (not Juelie) to get her vodka gummies recipe.  This date location also seemed to be a huge hit with my fellow middle class folks on Twitter.  People were pretty into it.

Once Chris and Kaitlyn had their fill of getting pushed around in a giant plastic ball by three unsupervised children (classic Costco), they headed back to Chris' to BBQ.  This was actually a really great way to wind down the evening.  It reminds me of when JP went over to Ashley's house and they just hung out in their PJ's.  It's cool to get away from the glamour of things for a bit.  Kaitlyn seems to thrive in that environment and really chilled out.

Enter Kimmel (again...)  Watching him sit between them at dinner and talk about having sex with tons of girls was brutal and I don't know how Kaitlyn forced herself to laugh.  It was like she was meeting your boyfriend's insecure dirtbag divorced uncle for the first time.  Worst.  I'd be so pissed if I was Kaitlyn.

These competition-style group dates always tend to bring out the worst in the girls.  Going head to head in a farm-themed elimination challenge is tough.  I was happy to see that Carly admitted she wasn't big into competition but she wanted to give it her all to impress Chris.  She did a great job and, despite being lactose intolerant, completely downed an entire jar of goat's milk like it was a jagerbomb. Go girl!

Can we take a moment and appreciate my friend Brittany and how much of a missed opportunity this season is for her?  Much respect to her (new!) husband, Josh.  He's great.

I'm turning into a big Carly fan.  Her "I am a woman and you are a man" speech was weird but I appreciate that she is trying to let him know she's not just little and cute.

  

Mackenzie- this is the Bachelor.  I know it sucks to watch Chris kiss a million other girls but it's not cool to corner him and demand he tell you why.  I can't see her sticking around too much longer.  Her immaturity keeps coming out and she's aligning herself with super annoying girls.

I need the production team to go ahead and show Becca more!  She's gorgeous and seems like a normal, cool person.  I love how confident she is in herself and she really seems to "trust the process".  When she and Chris were having a moment on the roof, she was classy about turning away from his kiss and didn't feel the need to give him a big drawn out explanation about how she's been hurt before or how her last boyfriend was sleeping with her cousin's best friend's teacher (none of that happened... or did it!?).  Her moves, or lack thereof, worked as she got the rose.

I'm not surprised that Whitney was asked on the second on-on-one since she and Chris really seemed to hit it off last week.  I didn't notice that the date card said "I'll wear my pink shirt if you wear yours" but maybe they're just that in sync.  Conversation seemed a bit dull during their picnic but thank goodness there just happened to be a massive wedding taking place directly behind them.  Wedding crashing is pretty 2005 but no one can say they wouldn't want to give it a try.  I spent a summer just outside of Boston when I graduated university and my roommate's parents owned a wedding facility.  Literally every weekend, we would go eat dinner there in jeans and t-shirts and not one person ever questioned who we were.  

Mean girl alert:  

I hope the producers gave the newlyweds a massive gift.  Like a signed picture of Juan Paoblo or a visit from Little Ricki (Emily's daughter).  There happened to be amazing lighting for all their close-ups; especially in the willow tree which was no where near the reception space.  Where was her mic pac hidden?!

Instead of a cocktail party, Kimmel (seriously... he's still there?!) announces a pool party.  This is really just a way for Chris to see the girls in next to nothing even though Jillian needs a black bar to cover her butt and crotch even when she's wearing shorts.

Juelia pulls Chris away to tell him more about her husband's suicide and struggle with mental illness.  Her story is so intense and tragic.  Even though a pool party may not be the most appropriate time, Chris is a great listener and didn't seem freaked out.

When Jade pops up to "steal Chris away", there was a resounding...  

...from all of America and from Chris.  Seriously though- who is she?!  She is going to regret those white heels and floral robe in no time.  The other girls were being totally ridiculous sneaking over to Chris' house and trying to crash his one-on-one time with Jillian although Jillian was ridiculous to sneak over and try to crash his one-on-one time with... what's her name again...  Jade.  Ashley I. is whinier than her long lost sister, Kim Kardashian.  It was a great moment when she was running uphill to the gates and dropped her plastic wine cup though.  Kudos to the camera man for panning in to the glass rolling away just like KardAshley's chances of marrying Chris.  #foreshadow

The Rose Ceremony was pretty non-eventful.  It went like this: We said farewell to the girls who haven't been on camera yet.

A few additional comments:

- Chris has no upper lip when he smiles (thanks to my husband for pointing this out while passing through the room)

- Jillian is terrifying.  She's so intense and her competitive energy is off-putting.  She could probably be an asset during haying though

- Chris' laugh!

- does "Freelance Journalist" mean unemployed (Ashley I)

Thanks for reading and don't forget to take part in live tweeting during next week's episode.  You may find yourself on the blog!  @midtowndiaries