Rivals, Country Songs and Crocodile Tears- Bachelor Recap Week 6

Ei yai yai!  Things are certainly heating up with the ladies as Week 6 sheds the light on who is making it, who is faking it and how big of a mouth Chris has.

Last week was a cliff-hanger although every preview showed Kelsey rolling around on the floor saying "I can't breathe".  Girl- if you are talkin', you're breathin'.  I don't necessarily think she was faking.  She clearly has some issues with expressing herself in appropriate ways but, that being said, I don't believe she was in a crisis situation that constituted flailing on the floor needing oxygen.  Asking for Chris when she was in that predicament is ridiculous.  The last thing I would want my new boyfriend to see is me in the middle of a panic attack getting attended to by medics.

As expected, KardAshley was super mean about the whole thing.  I would be rolling my eyes and hoping Kelsey didn't get a rose too but Ashley just needs to shush those massive over-done lips.





On to the cocktail hour or, as Chris says- "cacktail".  Chris is really not the most expressive fellow.  His mini rants make so sense and the girls stand there with looks on their faces as though they have NO idea what he's talking about.

I can't believe Samantha got sent home.  Mostly because I keep forgetting she's there and then the camera shows her 1/2 a time per episode and I'm like- "Oh yeah- Sam's a person".  So mostly, I can't believe there's a girl named Sam on the show.  It's also a shame about MacKenzie- her hair was just starting to get settled.

L.A. MacKenzie

Santa Fe MakKenzie

As the girls continue to get stamps on their passports... oh wait- they haven't left the midwest yet... Chris admits "I'm not into drama.  I'm just looking to have a bit of fun.  That's why we're coming to Deadwood".  How romantic.

Becca needs a chance to push her way up to the top and she finally gets her one-on-one.  She seems like a cool girl and actually way prettier when she's dressed down.  I think it will be a great change of pace for Chris after all of the craziness going on as of late.

When Becca tells Chris that she's insecure about communication in relationships, Chris assures her that he's a really good communicator.  Let's take a look at how effective his communication has been with Britt:

  

This season is making virgins out to be people who can't touch a member of the opposite sex or show affection to someone they like.  At least Becca isn't making a big deal about it to Chris but her interviews make her seem a bit confused on where her "line" is.  Chris was a gentleman for giving her a peck when he gave her the rose but I'm glad she went back in for more and got the full on make-out.

The group date really was the "most shocking date ever" but the element of surprise had nothing to do with the girls.  The real shocker was finding out Big & Rich are potentially still relevant in the country music world.  I watched John Rich on Celebrity Apprentice and he killed it raising a bazillion dollars for his charity and being an all-around great contestant.  He must have really connected with Gary Busey off camera that same season because "Big" of Big & Rich is Busey in a crazy hat.  

Big & Rich (or is it Gary Busey and John Rich?! Right??)

The girls are tasked to write and perform a love song.  This date definitely brought out some insecurities in some of the girls but showed a light-hearted and fun side to others.  Jade has clearly never listened to country music before as she said "It's hard to write a love song when he's clearly into someone else"  Ummm...  hello- every achy breaky song in country music history has that exact scenario.  You can't script broken heart and torn emotion better than that.

Carly sings for a living but her performance was only slightly less awkward than when her brother, Zak, sang to Des at The Men Tell All but way less awkward than when Kasey sang a capella to Ali . Let's relive.  My favorite part is at 0:36 followed closely by 1:00-1:01.  Wasn't this the date where he didn't get the rose and she left him alone on a mountain?

Quick update- Kasey is now a bar brawler.  http://radaronline.com/exclusives/2013/05/vienna-girardis-ex-kasey-kahl-will-serve-180-days-community-service-for-12-bar-brawl/

Jade is the first girl to talk to Chris about how shes can see herself in Iowa and living the Farmer's Wife life.  I think she is really into Chris and but her feelings may be blinding her a little bit.  She moved from a small town to L.A. to pursue modelling and start a cosmetics line and she shouldn't abandon that for the possibility of love. 

  

Britt and Chris are so ridiculously attracted to each other.  They can't keep their hands (or their lips) to themselves.  That being said, the attraction seems really shallow and surface.  They haven't really gotten to know one another because they spend all their time sucking face and having outlandish dates.  She will definitely be the girl who the winner of this season is jealous of for all eternity and will never allow Chris to interact with her again.

The folks at ABC must have called the producers from Millionaire Matchmaker because these girls are looking awfully sober lately.  Patti has a strict 2 drink minimum which is great advice in the real world but horrible advice when you're supposed to be entertaining millions of people for two hours every Monday night.  Less articulating your feels in a clear way; more drunken blubbering!

Chris runs off to a Big & Rich concert with Britt while the other girls wait around for over an hour.  When they return, the ladies are piisssssed and with reason.  Chris gets to just pop by, make things really awkward then ditch Britt to deal with everyone.  At least give Britt the rose then send the other girls home to continue the night with a one-on-one.  Don't leave the other girls sitting there waiting.  

Classic two-on-one date scenario- rivals!  The Bachelor has a tendency, more so than The Bachelorette, to put rivals together on group dates or, even more heartbreaking, best friends!  Who could forget Ashley S. and Ashley H. during Brad's season.  Luckily, neither one of them ended up with Brad since he's a greasy doucheball.

I wonder what Kelsey will think when she watches herself back.  In my experience, those who spend all their time talking about how smart they are, aren't that smart.  Kelsey comes across incredibly condescending and has obviously rubbed everyone the wrong way.  My first impression of her was positive.  In her attempt to come across strong, poised, articulate and intelligent, she actually makes herself look judgmental, self-important and uppity.  Her laugh is the true tell-tale sign of being coo-coo pants.  Imagine sitting near Kelsey and Chris at a funny movie...

Again with the "drop me off and kill me locations".  Laying on a weird bed in the middle of the Badlands on a windy day is a scratched retina waiting to happen.

Ashley was really dumb for dishing all that dirt on Kelsey to Chris.  Never actually tell The Bachelor what's going on in the house!!  Spend the time talking about your own feelings and your own relationship with him; not about anyone else.

Kelsey doesn't have discussions- she lectures.  She's a know-it-all and I don't think she listens to anyone.  Did she say Ashley is someone she can trust and is friends with?  She was mortified that Ashley was talking smack about her to Chris which is to be expected.

It is really shitty of Chris to keep telling the girls what the other ones said.  "I couldn't lie about it"- yeah but you could tell her that you don't want to throw someone else under the bus.  

I don't think Chris has really liked Kelsey or Ashley I. that much.  They're both obviously a ton of drama and way too much work for him.  It's a huge red flag for any guy when a girl can't get along with others.  Lots of the girls in the house have problems with Kelsey but they aren't mean about it.

Surprise surprise- they both get dumped and Kelsey is left sitting on the bed by herself as the helicopter picks up Brad and flies away.  "Where's Ashley?", you ask.  Oh- she's been sitting on a hill crying the entire time.   As the chopper takes off, Kelsey gets up and runs into the desert.  Clearly the same producers as in Ali's season.  (see video of Kasey above).  I'd be like "Ummm... Chris- do you mind if I take this one?  Wait- do Ashley and Kelsey have to share a ride back?!  Has Ashley been seen since?

Meanwhile, back at the house, the girls popped a bottle of champagne and jumped around with joy when they saw Kelsey's suitcase being taken away.  It may be all nicey nicey for now but I'm sure next week will prove to bring out more claws yet fewer fake eyelashes.

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Jordan goes to rehab, Britt takes a nap and Kelsey falls down. The Bachelor recap- Week 5

So much to talk about!  First of all, here is my obligatory Superbowl comment- I'm just really glad that Jordan found a job after being eliminated from The Bachelor.

She made a really incredible "Left Shark".

Also- wtf Allstate?!?  

This week's episode of The Bachelor had the girls packing their bags and heading to Santa Fe.  Megan was especially excited since she exclaimed "I've never been out of the country!".  Which is really interesting for us viewer...  but you're going to New Mexico.  Which is a state... in your home country...  And if you're marrying Chris, you'll never leave the country because you'll be too busy harvesting potatoes in Iowa.   

Carly finally got her on-one-one date and her outfit must have come from the gift shop at the airport.

Have you noticed, that every time the girls show up for a date, it's in a location that you would probably picture yourself being killed one day!?  A big empty house in the middle of a desert...  #redflag.  But wait!  Ashley S. put on a wig and revealed her true identity as a Love Guru.  Who screens these people!?  Carly and Chris were made to do so much touching and breathing into each other's faces that I thought it was a Dentyne cross-promotion!

Although the couple was clearly so uncomfortable during their "love" session with Dr. Creeps Magee, they supported each other and made the most of a really really really really really awkward situation.  I like how Chris spoke up for Carly and asked Ashley-S-in-a-wig to slow things down.  It was a good opportunity to get connected and get a feel (get it?! a feeeel) for the chemistry between them.

I'm a fan of the low-key downtime at the end of a lot of these dates.  Carly seems to thrive in those laid back settings.  It seems like she has a few issues from past relationships and perhaps some baggage to get rid of but Carly's in it for the right reasons.  Every girl deserves to feel loved and wanted by their partner and I think that's enough for her.  She's not in it for the glitz and glam of being whisked away in a helicopter.  She puts her best food forward whether it's a group date or one-on-one and comes across as a really genuine gal.  

The river rafting group date was a bit of a snooze fest and the only exciting thing that happened was Jade falling out of the boat.  Turns out, she has a rare disorder where she loses circulation when she is in cold water.  Is anyone else getting deja vu!?

Needless to say, Jade handled things remarkably better than Tierrable and,after a quick foot rub from Chris, she was back in the game.  

Ohhhhh man- look who was just passing through on her way home to Colorado after performing at the Superbowl- JORDAN!  I hope you didn't think that we could get through a season of The Bachelor with just one girl insisting she gets a second chance.  That being said, I've heard there are really nice rehabs in Santa Fe.  Where the heck was Chris Harrison when Jordan was trying to weasel her way back into Chris' hear?  A girl used to have to sit down for a conference with him before getting through the doors.  

KardAshley continues to be the most miserable person on ABC by trying to convince the girls to, not only stop being nice to Jordan but, be flat out mean to her.  She's awful and needs go home.

Wait...  where did Samantha come from?!

Britt hasn't been able to spend much quality time with Chris since she got the first impression rose. I did a bit of searching online and found this really natural picture from the day she was born:  

My problem with Britt is that just doesn't really seem it turn "it" off.  She has the same big eyes and "woooowwwww" reaction to everything and I worry that Chris isn't getting to know her as well or as quickly has girls like Carly, Kaitlyn or even Whitney.  He's obviously incredibly attracted to her and they have great physical chemistry and the same nap time.

After finding out that Chris was starting to spend more quality time with a smaller number of girls, Kelsey put on her best teacher outfit and marched herself right down to his hotel room.  She told him about her husband who died of... what was it called again... she can't remember.  "Isn't my story amazing?  It's tragic but it's amazing.  I love my story.", she told us afterwards.  While Chris consoled her, she went in for the make-out.  I thought that only happened on Soap Operas.  Nothing makes me want to suck face more than pouring my heart out about a deceased loved one.  Her in laws must think she is just charming.

Seriously- who is Samantha?

The cocktail party was cut short by an emotional Chris who alluded to the conversation he and Kelsey had which made him really think carefully about his decision this week.  Kelsey made a weird speech to the girls about it being the last time that she sees one of them again (is she going to kill them?!).  She comes across extremely condescending and a tad creepy.  

We were left with a cliff hanger and a strange moaning/whimpering panic attack by Kelsey right before the start of the rose ceremony.  Chris Harrison may finally be right- this is the most dramatic episode yet!

Ok...  I've been trying to keep it in but I can't anymore.  Wtf, Bruce Jenner?!  What is going onnnn??

Thanks for reading and, as always, join in the conversation live during The Bachelor next Monday on Twitter @midtowndiaries.  Give Midtown Diaries a little likesy on the Facebook and find out what I'm eating right now on Instagram.  

Fake Lashes Like Camping Too! Bachelor Recap- Week 4

Week 4 of The Bachelor is usually when the outright crazies have revealed themselves and the front-runners tend to start cracking.  Some relationships are heating up while others have fizzled a bit.  First impressions are really only meaningful for the first couple of weeks and then nerves start to settle a bit.  It's really a pivotal time for Chris to start making some hard decisions on who will stay and who will go.  

I'm actually in support of Chris' family coming to meet the girls when there are still lots of them to choose from.  We all know what happens when sisters get involved in the final two.  There have been some crazy sister scenarios in past seasons.  Ashley H's sister was so hard on the guys and later appeared on TLC's Extreme Couponing.  Ben's sister Julia was also a bit tough although I think she'd be an incredible Bachelorette and should drink beer with Ali everyday, Can the next Bachelor please have a nice brother or a fun cousin who is just looking for a drinking buddy during family parties?

Leading up to the "Let's Get Natural" group date, there was a major melt down in the house when Ashley I thought she would have to leave her fake lashes at home.  After pulling up to a mud pit near some brown hills, Chris told us, "I want to see what the girls are like in a bit more normal setting".... Because being asked to hop in a reservoir with 10 other girls and a camera crew with producers is completely natural and something he would probably plan if he wasn't on a reality show...

Truth be told, Kelsey was a real downer on the date but that whole situation would be a total nightmare.  Being an East Coast kid and growing up on the ocean, I can appreciate that ones idea of "beach" can be subjective.  But wait... aren't they in LA?  They could have done better than a swampy resevoir.  If Chris then dropped the bomb that they would be camping out there- I'd be a goner.  If my third date with my husband was camping, he would have never seen me again.  It took a good three years before I agreed to sleep outside in a tent.  Even if you are a fan of camping, there would be nothing fun about spending the night with your boyfriend and his six other girlfriends.

Ashley S. continues to beg the question "Which psychiatric ward is missing its patient?".  That girl is cray!  I watch a lot of crime shows on Slice (I'm currently on a massive "Fatal Vows" kick- great show for a newlywed) and guys get murdered by way more stable girlfriends.

Ashley I. tried to pull the classic sneak-out-in-the-middle-of-the-night-to-visit-the-Bachelor but production has really stepped up their game.  The camera man was clearly made to sit at that picnic table all night to catch every scandalous move the girls try to make.  I imagine he's an intern and just plays Candy Crush all night until the union guys get to work the next morning.  I think KardAshley is making way too big of a deal about being a virgin.  She keeps saying how insecure she is about it but, if that's the case, save it for the Fantasy Suite where you can have a private conversation.  As if she'll even make it that far...  Also- how horrible would their breath be after drinking and sitting around in mudpit tainted clothes all night!?

I was surprised that Chris' sisters picked Jade for the one-on-one date.  She's been completely off the radar thus far and they didn't seem all that interested in her during their chat.  The one with the Kate Gosselin hair style seemed especially disinterested when Jade was talking about her career in modeling/organic make up.

Chris' sister...  I mean...  Kate Gosselin.

The Twitterverse was giving Carly a hard time for saying she wanted to find a guy like her Grandfather.  Personally, I know what that's like.  My Gramps loved WWF wrestling, debated the rulings in Judge Judy cases at the dinner table and was a loyal viewer of Ricki Lake.  And you wonder where I get my bad TV genes?!

Cinderella date?!  Ohhhhhhh- just kidding- it's a cross-promotion for a new movie.  When asked, Chris gives us the shocking news that "I've never been to a royal ball before" Duh.  My concern was that he wouldn't know who Jade was when she came down the stairs; not because she's transformed into a princess but because he's never talked to her before...

KardAshley was super disappointed that she wasn't on this date and had even packed a sparkly gown in case there was a princess-themed evening.  "Whenever someone asks me to describe myself, it's Disney Princess."  More like the wicked step sister.  At least we got to catch a glimpse of her emotional eating issues... with corn...

Jade seems really sweet but I worry that she's not ready to go back to Iowa and live a quiet farm life.  She left Nebraska to model and start a cosmetics line in L.A. which leads me to believe she's looking for something more than her small town roots.  I think we'll see her around for a while but might might fade back into the wings when it comes down to some of the other girls.

The girls on the second group date were total troopers.  They were made to do a mud run in wedding dresses but they were all (well... almost all...) incredibly great sports about the whole thing.  The girls in the short dresses have a clear advantage although no one really stood a chance against Jillian anyway.  Her competitive nature is a turn-off  even to the girls.  She's just super aggressive and her energy is so masculine.  I'm starting to like Carly more and more as she comes up with some really awesome digs against the other girls.  She's cute, witty and, although she takes some shots, she's not too mean.  

Jillian's one-on-one time with Chris was luke-warm from the start.  She seems to think she's incredibly fascinating although she's really not.  I think she wants to "win" more than actually go through the process of finding love. Either way, Chris followed his gut and kept that rose to himself.

I'm really into the mini-dates that some of the girls are planning for Chris during the cocktail parties.  It's a great way to spend some crucial time together and create an experience he is sure to remember. The girls are taking some good initiative to get creative and have some really quality interactions.  

KardAshley went back in to make sure that Chris know she's a virgin.  Things got so bad that even Mackenzie was rolling her eyes at Ashley's ridiculous over-reaction. 

Britt-don't meddle with what's going on with other girls.  And don't speak for other girls claiming they were wanting to go home after he gave the rose to Kaitlin.  She has to make the most out of her time with him and he shouldn't have to justify his relationships with anyone else.

Britt- if your real life boyfriend was messing around with a bunch of other girls, you would have every reason to question him and be upset.  Buuuutttt...  this is The Bachelor.  You know if you start to meddle with what's going on with the other girls, Chris is going to get mad and walk out!  You have to make the most of your time with him and pretend he's not making out with your friends.  That's just life.  

The rose ceremony wasn't anything earth-shattering.  There were too many E's in that house and JuElia had to go.  The single mom's always make it into a whole "I know he wouldn't keep me around longer than necessary because I have a child" but really it's just because her name was too weird and he couldn't figure out where that darn E should go.  

Lez'be'honest... This season is getting a bit American-Idol-after-auditions. Hopefully things will get a bit more exciting next week when we find out the Kelsey is the craziest one of all!!

Ummm...  breaking news...

CARLY IS ZAK's sister!!  Zak from Des' season!  Zak- the singer/songwriter!  Skip to 1:10 for the good stuff.  Carly clearly scored the cute genes.

As always, a huge thanks for all the tweets and commentary.  If you'd like to join the conversation next week, just send your thoughts and reactions my way @midtowndiaries.