We've all felt this way. It doesn't mean we didn't learn from it or that we would like to go back in time and change things but if you knew different, wouldn't we all do different?
I've toyed with this blog post for a while since it is a bit personal and it's really perhaps an apology letter to a friend out there for all to see. But, since the recipient is also a blogger and shows such courage and honesty in her posts, I think she would want me to too the same.
Almost 12 years ago, I met my university roommate on a warm September day in room 203 of Dennis House. I realize now that I was a really shitty friend to her and, for that, I am so sorry.
B and I were seemingly meant-to-be from the start. Although we came from really different worlds, we shared a birthday (same day & year!), the same unruly curls and both loved books and music. We sent each other mix tapes over the summer months before we met and spent hours racking up long distance charges on the phone (pre-cell phone era!). She traveled 3/4 of the way across the country to come to university and knew next to no one. I traveled 1 1/2 h by car and had lots of friends there already. B and I got along great initially but, after a short time, I remember pulling away from her on purpose. I wasn't ready for a roommate like B.
B was (is!) beautiful, so smart, talented, has an infectious laugh and travels the world. She is curious about different languages, cultures, foods. My 18 year old self resented her for that and I've regretted ruining, what could have been a long-lasting relationship with her, ever since.
I remember one day in particular and I've always been disappointed in myself for the way I acted. I walked into the room and B had just received a phone call from home. Something really serious was going on with her family and she was devastated. Internally, I just didn't know what to do and, instead of being there for her, I did the worst thing I could have done. I grabbed my laptop and left the room. I didn't give her a hug or listen to her. I fled. I still think about that day often and what a selfish person I was to leave B there alone when she was in crisis so far from home.
She transferred to a different university at the year's end for many different reasons and I only saw her once or twice again after that. I follow her worldly travels on her blog and think or her often but I wish I had done better while I had the chance in person. I wish I had known to be compassionate and kind when B needed it.
Is there a time when you would have done different if you had known different? Please share your comments below or send a tweet @midtowndiaries #dodifferent
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