Wedding Woes and Making it to I Do

It's been a few weeks since T and I had our wedding and life is starting to get back to normal.  After a year and a half of "wedding" being in every second sentence out of our mouths, it is incredibly gratifying to know that it's over and we survived it!

I would often hear that planning a wedding can be stressful but the truth is, the stressful parts have little to nothing to do with you as a couple of the logistics of the wedding itself.  Weird things start to happen when you try to bring everyone you care about together for the most special day of your life together as a couple.  To be honest, I really struggled through the majority of our wedding planning.  T was a huge help and took on a lot of the work and organization but my heart often wasn't completely in it.  I wanted to get married; I just had my doubts about how we were going about doing it.

Part of the problem for me was the feeling of disconnect from my own wedding.  T has a massive family with tons of aunts, uncles and cousins who, along with all of his good friends, live within 30 mins of our venue.  The majority of my small family lives on the other side of the country and my long-time good friends are spread out all over the place.  T's family and friends were wonderful and were a great help and support but, throughout the planning process, I was always missing that piece of my family and traditions from the East Coast.  I found myself dragging my heels on most big decisions because I just didn't "see" it.  I couldn't imagine the end result and had anxiety about the day being special for everyone; not just us.

For anyone planning a wedding, there will be hard days and disappointments along the way.  Below are the top 5 things I was told during wedding planning and then the truth of how it really was:

1.  It's your day.  You can plan it however you want.
     - HA.  Everyone close to you will have a preconceived notion of what your wedding looks like.  I can't count the times we heard "But you have  to invite _______." or "You're not having a cake?!" or "I'll call my friend.  It will be way cheaper there.".  Although, at the end of the day it's YOU getting married, often times it feels like it's everyone's day but your own.

2.  I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world.  I can't wait.
     - I understand that everyone has their own lives.  People are busy, have prior commitments, have to work, are away, don't have child care, etc.  But please- if you have no intention of attending a wedding or think you might not be able to make it, don't tell the bride or groom you will be there at any point in the planning process.  We experienced a lot of disappointments from expecting close friends and even family members to be at our wedding and they couldn't come.  Most people let us know far in advance and 98% of the reasons were totally legit.  But we really struggled with the emotional toll that our "No" RSVPs took on us.

3.  You haaave to take a honeymoon.
     - According to my most recent Facebook research, it is completely out of the question for most couples I know to take off for a full out glamorous honeymoon.  I just started a new job and I don't get a vacation until next summer so it was really impossible for us to get away.  That being said, we did escape to Vegas a few weeks before the wedding which I would recommend to anyone!  We are planning to have a weekend out of town soon to process the past month and have a bit of time away but it seems like the mini-moon is the new honeymoon.

4.  I know a friend who can do that.
     - Brides and grooms beware of the elusive "friend" who can do hair/arrange flowers/play music/officiate weddings/etc.  Although it's tempting to save a few bucks or support local "talent", this can quickly backfire if proper contracts aren't put in place.  Your friend or family member always has the best intentions by suggesting someone they know but you really don't want to risk walking down the aisle with a fist full of dandelions or asking your accordion playing uncle to play the first dance when your musician bails.

5.  Your friends are going to bend over backwards to help you.
     - Our friends bent over backwards, did somersaults, swam across oceans and did anything and everything we asked of them.  They did everything we needed that we didn't ask for!  They were amazing.  Our eyes were completed opened to how much love and support we have around us and what wonderful people we surround ourselves with everyday.  When our spirits were at their worst, our friends were there to throw parties, plan outings, make appointments and hand us a cold beer.

I don't mean to sound doomy and gloomy when I speak of our wedding.  There were some really happy and lovely moments along the way.  It just didn't become real for me until after the rehearsal when both of our families and wedding parties were sitting around the same table sharing stories and some laughs.  That was one of the first points that I relaxed and felt like we were doing the right thing.  The next few days were actually quite fun and we were able to enjoy time with our families and friends.

People have asked me for advice since our wedding and it's difficult to give.  Everyone's wedding planning experience is so personal and different.  No matter how you do it, there will be people and situations to deal with that have nothing to do with your future together.  You have to take time to separate what is important and what is not.  Allot small chunks of time to planning and don't go over.  Have wedding-free evenings where you cannot, must not and will not speak of your wedding.

Just remember that, when it's over, it's really really over.  Everyone's attention will go on to the next couple (ehem...  M&M...) and life will go back to a new normal.

Have any advice or ways your coped with the stress of wedding planning?  Join the conversation @midtowndiaires #weddingtips

Farewell to the open road

Just when you think you're at full capacity and can't possibly fit more into your world, life says "Have some more!".

I'm starting to believe that you can never really have it all together.  There will always be curveballs, bumps, detours and dead ends.  You can't predict or foresee.  You can only grab on to the reigns of life and hold on tight.

Over the past 3 weeks, it seems as though my entire life has changed.  Not only will I be married by the end of the summer and have a new name but I have a new car and will be starting a new career next month.  I've been in search of "the" job for several years now and, with a bit (a lot) of patience and even a few (many) tears, I was hired in my dream position.  I've been in my current field of work since I was 22 and, although I'm beyond excited and ready to start my new job, I'm realizing how much of my life and relationships were defined by my old one.

My old job saw me through growing up.  Eighty percent of my 20's were spent traveling all over Canada and the Caribbean, networking and forming friendships, racking up loyalty program points, attending conferences and dinners...  Pretty lucky right?  I'll refrain from describing the not-so-amazing parts of the job.  The glamour certainly wears off but I can't help but feel so grateful for the experiences I've had and the people I've met along the way.

I've come leaps and bounds from the young university grad starting this job.  I've learned to work hard and to always smile (save the swearing for the car) and the underestimated art of being genuine.  I now know the meaning of "island time" and that "dolphin" in Barbados is actually just mahimahi.  I understand the importance of listening more than talking.  But more than all those things, I know that you can spend a few days or a few years with someone and be connected to them for life.  I will miss my road warrior family probably more than I even know.  May you all drive safe, eat well and perform only sing-along songs at karaoke.  Thank you for your love, support, late-night ice cream and questionable group pics.

Know Different, Do Different. An apology to my university roommate

Although "no regrets!" is a nice motto to live by, the definition of "regret" isn't as dirty as I used to believe.

We've all felt this way.  It doesn't mean we didn't learn from it or that we would like to go back in time and change things but if you knew different, wouldn't we all do different?

I've toyed with this blog post for a while since it is a bit personal and it's really perhaps an apology letter to a friend out there for all to see.   But, since the recipient is also a blogger and shows such courage and honesty in her posts, I think she would want me to too the same. 

Almost 12 years ago, I met my university roommate on a warm September day in room 203 of Dennis House.  I realize now that I was a really shitty friend to her and, for that, I am so sorry.  

B and I were seemingly meant-to-be from the start.  Although we came from really different worlds, we shared a birthday (same day & year!), the same unruly curls and both loved books and music.  We sent each other mix tapes over the summer months before we met and spent hours racking up long distance charges on the phone (pre-cell phone era!).  She traveled 3/4 of the way across the country to come to university and knew next to no one.  I traveled 1 1/2 h by car and had lots of friends there already.  B and I got along great initially but, after a short time, I remember pulling away from her on purpose.  I wasn't ready for a roommate like B.

B was (is!) beautiful, so smart, talented, has an infectious laugh and travels the world.  She is curious about different languages, cultures, foods.  My 18 year old self resented her for that and I've regretted ruining, what could have been a long-lasting relationship with her, ever since.  

I remember one day in particular and I've always been disappointed in myself for the way I acted.  I walked into the room and B had just received a phone call from home.  Something really serious was going on with her family and she was devastated.  Internally, I just didn't know what to do and, instead of being there for her, I did the worst thing I could have done.  I grabbed my laptop and left the room.  I didn't give her a hug or listen to her.  I fled.  I still think about that day often and what a selfish person I was to leave B there alone when she was in crisis so far from home.  

She transferred to a different university at the year's end for many different reasons and I only saw her once or twice again after that.  I follow her worldly travels on her blog and think or her often but I wish I had done better while I had the chance in person.  I wish I had known to be compassionate and kind when B needed it.

Is there a time when you would have done different if you had known different?  Please share your comments below or send a tweet @midtowndiaries #dodifferent 

Learning from Scott Stratten's "UnMarketing"

I am in the final weeks of my Social Media Marketing course and I am feeling inspired, savvy and way more passionate about social media than I thought possible.  As part of my course work, I had to pick a book about social media marketing and complete a "digital book report" on two different platforms.  Lucky for me (and now you!), I chose blogging as one.


The book I read is UnMarketing by Scott Stratten.  Scott is a Canadian marketing expert who speaks and consults on all matters concerning customer engagement.  If you work with the public at all, this is a really great read.  Even if you yourself don't have a role having to do with social media, he hits home on a lot of important things to keep in mind through case studies and personal experience.  

Here are four things I really took away from UnMarketing:

1) Expertise
If you have a job, you were likely hired because you have some level of expertise in your field.  Stratten insists that you must be an expert to run your own business.  But be careful- there is a difference between claiming to be "an expert" and claiming to be "the expert".

Stratten explains, "People who claim to be the top expert in a certain field often do it in a way that excludes everyone else.  In declaring the top spot, these people claim they know the most and everything there is to know about a certain thing.  Really, nobody can claim that."

2) Shared responsibility
Too often, we consider our marketing departments "over there".  It's easy to chalk up poor sales to a bad website or an unsuccessful marketing campaign.  In his chapter "Pull & Stay", Stratten encourages us to think of marketing as a bigger picture.  He says that "Marketing is not one department.  It is every point of engagement."

Be responsible for your personal piece of the marketing pie.  Go the extra mile to put yourself out there and stand out amongst the businesses around you.  Pull & Stay refers to the ability to draw or pull someone in, collect their information and stay present and connected after your interaction.

3) Do one thing well... and then get bigger
Finding the right social media platform for your business or brand can be confusing.  There are so many out there and many businesses feel the need to be present on them all.  Stratten suggests choosing one platform where you want people to find you and do your absolute best in that space.  Once you have built a good following, you can think about where it would make sense to be next.

In order to successfully build your platform, Stratten gives the following 3 steps:

1. traction
2. momentum
3. expansion

4)  Customer Service

Social media platforms are just that- social!  They allow for conversation, interaction annnnnd public displays of customer (dis)satisfaction.  On such a public forum, it is important for businesses to keep their cool online and really listen to their happy or not-so-happy customers.  When things go wrong, it's ok (and recommended) to acknowledge the customer and own the mistake.  

I would love to hear all of your social media advice or questions.  Please comment below or join the conversation @midtowndiaries #midtownmarketing

These are a few (more!) of my favorite thiiings...

We did it!  We survived winter.  A cold, dark, snowy, stormy winter.  I don't believe that we've seen the absolute end of it but April is upon us and my sunroof is begging to be opened.

Enough with the naysaying though.  Let me share a few (of my favorite) thiiings that made those yucky March days just a little less yucky.




1.  Books
     Sisters Brothers by Patrick DeWitt
Although I'm typically not super into historical fiction, and certainly not Westerns, this book had me at hello.  I love the narration and all of the obstacles these brothers face on their way to California to finish a job for the Commodore.  A really good Canadian read that may even leave your heartstrings pulled a bit tighter.  You can find Sisters Brothers at your local bookstore or online at Indigo.



2. Health & Beauty
    Olay Complete with SPF 15
I'm not the type to be picky about the products or brands I use for skin care.  To be honest, when it comes to face creams, I usually just grab whatever is over $10 but under $20 and usually on sale.  Sticking to the 60-75mL size is great because they're easier to travel with and the jars fit nicely in my medicine cabinet.

What immediately drew me to the Olay all day moisture cream was the smell.  Since I can remember, I have loved the smell of sunscreen.  I can't get enough of it.  Not the coconuty ones either.  I want the straight up Coppertone Sport goodness.  It will take you right back to your childhood frolicking at the beach or wading in the public pool. It ran me around $15 at my neighbourhood Rexall.  Oh-                                                       it's also good at moisturizing.  Bonus!

3. Online/Social Media
    LinkedIn
I know what most of you are thinking and I thought it too.  I didn't get it!  I didn't understand what the benefits of being on LinkedIn could be.  It seemed like a whole lot of work and why would I want all that information about myself floating around in cyber world for just anyone to see?  Well, it turns out that LinkedIn has some great functions other than being a way to see if your ex is still a deadbeat or if your high school sweetheart is a wealthy CEO now.  Mine is not.

LinkedIn has groups and company pages you can join to enter into conversations about anything.  You can be linked to fellow alumni, those with common interests or skills as well as any type of field or community you would like to be a part of as a listener or contributor.

If it has been two years since you set up your account and have never typed "l-i-n..." into your Google search bar since, do yourself a favour.  Give LinkedIn onnnne more chance.  Perhaps this 2 min video will help.  

4. Food & Drink

    Cajun Blackened Salmon
No Favorite Thiiings list would be complete without a good recipe.  I love fish but I don't have much experience or confidence when it comes to cooking it.  I don't really know what flavours go with what fish or how to enhance a dish with anything other than salt & pepper.  Thank goodness for this recipe from Food.com!  It's a great way to spice up a salmon fillet but you can also use this seasoning on pretty much anything else.  I substituted some spices for some others and used all black pepper since I didn't have white in my cupboard.  I made a spinach salad on the side but you could also make rice or grilled veggies.  Try it tonight!  http://www.food.com/recipe/cajun-blackened-salmon-278329

What are some of your Favorite Thiiings?  Please leave a comment below or join the conversation @midtowndiaries #favoritethiiings.

I'm a fake and a fraud and I spent way too much money on these pants...

I have a confession to make.  I've been faking it...

I know... take a moment..

Just take a deep breath...

Now that you've calmed down, just let me explain.  I've always thought myself to be a bit too high-strung.  I react quickly and emotionally, I have a hard time letting things go and I'm tend to back away from tough situations instead of taking them head on.  So what do we do when we want to change our behaviours?  We look at people we would want to be more like and see what they are doing different.  One thing that kept coming up again and again as a common factor was...  yoga.

Perfect!  Balance, flow, patience, dedication, gratitude, inner healing...  Confession time... (Lindsey Jarrett- cover your eyes)...  I can't do it.  I've tried a few different instructors, at home practice, with music, without music, wearing a sweater, wearing a t-shirt, inside, outside...  I just can't do it.

I feel like a phoney when I walk into the studio in my lululemon pants (why do they cost so much?!) and long sleeve shirt with the thumb holes.  The lady next to me is breathing too loud and ... oh god... I think my instructor just started speaking in tongues...  Does it feel good afterwards?  Yes.  Is it good for me?  No doubt.  But do I need to spend an hour doing something I don't want to do just incase I, one day, become enlightened and more connected to myself and the world?

I just don't think I'm "there".  I'm not at an open, spiritual place in my life and (I think) that's ok.  But I struggle to know if that's a sign I should keep working through or go back to my Wednesday morning spin classes where my instructor makes us sing the chorus to Fat Bottom Girls at the top of our lungs while climbing a 20 min hill.  Now that is my idea of a good work out.

Look- I am in no way dissing yoga.  I know it does incredible things for people and I have the deepest respect and admiration for all of my yogi friends.  But is it normal to start out feeling so strongly against it?  Should I keep persevering through or move on to something that is just more "me"?

Please leave your comments (and suggestions!) or join the conversation @darbyvt #yogablues

Guest Blog: Always, I mean always, have a backup Rev in your purse

Although, I think she's a total *B* for revealing she weighed 110lbs after age 16, I'd like to welcome my next guest blogger, Kari (@kari_short).  It's been so wonderful to have these brave contributors chime in on the conversation and share their stories and advice.  Kari is the epitome of of my awkward social situation soulmate.  We've been bonding over "tell me that didn't just happen" and "that rugby player just threw a coaster at my eye" for over 6 years.  Thanks for this, Kari!!

What I learned in my 20's...

You will always think that you have 5-10 pounds to lose. I have been thinking that since I was 19. I think back to 110 pound, 21 year old me and laugh. And then I donate her ridiculous size 2 dresses to Value Village.

The girly pink drinks at the bar look great, and in most cases they taste great too. But they go down like sour skittles, cost twice as much as a beer and are much more likely to make you puke. Drink basic. (However most epic nights start with a room temperature Rev you carried with you in your purse.)

I was 21 in this picture.  That dress is a size 2 

and I threw up that drink about an hour later.  

It's nice to see that I knew 'duck-lips' pose 

was going to be a hit.

The biggest thing I have learned so far, as I approach ‘late’ 20s, is when to let go and when to hang on. I still have to remind myself of this a few times a year. You have control of who you keep in your life and who you let go. Keep in touch with the friends that matter to you, and don’t be afraid to let go of the ones that drain you. It doesn’t matter how many contacts you have on your phone as long as you have one solid number you know you can call on a Wednesday afternoon to talk about nothing with.

Thank you for this, Kari!  Please give her some love and comments below or join the conversation @darbyvt or @kari_short #purserevs