Crashing cars and crushing hearts

With last week's premiere behind them, the contestants finally get to go to sleep and now the real fun begins (for us... not so much for them...).

The episode started off fast and furious with Arie pulling up on a motorcycle to have the season's first one-on-one with Becca K.  I don't remember Becca at all from the first episode.  I bet, when walking into the house, Arie wasn't even sure which girl she was.

The first part of the date is Rachel Zoe acting as a personal stylist for Becca.  Rachel Zoe is super cool but looked like she wanted to die.  Speaking of... I would die if this was my first date with a guy. How uncomfortable would it be to try on clothes for someone you just started dating?!  Trying on clothes is already the worst but having a guy you like sit there and see you in each one would be horrible.  There was not a moment of quality time spent between them.  Why was she being showered with expensive clothes/shoes/jewelry?  Becca and Arie only got to spend time together after she was completely high on dopamine and blinded by Loubouton studs.  (Full disclosure:  I had to google "red sole shoes" to be sure they were Loubouton's and find out how to actually spell "Loubouton").

Despite a weird date concept, Becca and Arie had a really natural connection.  The worst part about being the first one-on-one is having to see all of the dates to come and deal with playing second fiddle for a while.  Becca seems to have a confidence and maturity that a lot of the ladies don't.  Hearing her speak about her dad's illness and death gave us a glimpse at how open her heart is and where her values lie.

Look... for my own Bachelor-viewing sanity, Bibiana needs to stick around.  I know she won't win.  It's against all The Bachelor rules.  She does, however, play an incredibly important role.  She's the girl that gives hilarious commentary in her interviews.  She's who we all want as a drinking buddy.  I want her to come to my workplace Christmas party and walk around judging everyone.  Next time my department is hiring, I am going to look her up.  My friend, Andrea, hit the nail on the head when she referred to Bibiana as the "Carly W." of this season. Bibiana is a shoe-in for all of The Bachelor/ette spin-offs like Bachelor in Paradise. 





I wasn't surprised to see Krystal get the second one-on-one date of the night.  She is one of those people who makes a really memorable first impression.  She certainly has an intensity about her that draws you in.  I don't think we've seen an authentic and vulnerable side of Krystal yet. 



Did anyone else notice that Krystal and Arie's mom look alike?!  I lied about the personal stylist date...  meeting my boyfriend's parents on a first date is actually my nightmare.  What was Arie thinking?!  Thar is not only so much pressure for Krystal but the other girls are going to die when they find out.  It's social suicide to send her back into the house after this.


My gut feeling is that Krystal puts so much time into helping others in an attempt to cover up some of her own pain and past experiences.  She has had a rough life for sure but I worry that she hasn't had help and support for herself before pouring all of that energy into others.  This process will be really difficult for Krystal and her insecurities are going to bubble up as Arie spends time with other girls.




The Bachelor has an unrivaled ability to come up with the worst group date ideas.  Let's throw fifteen catty girls into an environment more competitive than merely vying for the love of the same guy.  Take all of that and then asking them to crash into each other in motor vehicles during a demolition derby? 





...  I wasn't going to bring it up but...   *sigh*   Ok... last week, Annaliese was one of my absolute favourite ladies.  I pegged her as going all the way.  We got a small glimpse into, what I hope is a rare moment, of Annaliese's PBCSD (Post Bumper Car Stress Disorder).  To be really fair,  I don't understand how a real like demolition derby with complete amateur drivers is safe.  I would have made up a fake story and popped out some tears to avoid intentional car crashes too.  The only good that could come from this date is finding out who the completely crazy and ruthless girls are (ehem...  Brittany T...).  Those are the locos who will key your car and slash your tires at the first opportunity.

I want to like Sienne.  Being a Yale grad, she is clearly super smart.  She happens to be stunningly beautiful which doesn't hurt.  For both of those reasons and more, she and Arie are a mismatch to say the least.  I wish Sienne would open up more during her limited time with Arie instead of listing off all of her life accomplishments.  I'm surprised that Arie gave her the date rose but delighted that he didn't give it to Chelsea.






Does Bekah makes anyone else incredibly nervous?!  I struggle to put my finger on exactly what makes me so uncomfortable.  She doesn't strike me as disingenuous but she's a lot...  Like... a lot a lot.  Arie is obviously intrigued by her boldness and confidence but does she have the ability to tone it down?  What is she like at home on a Sunday afternoon?  I've been reading lots of speculation that Becca has the same appeal to Arie that Courtney Robinson had.  Courtney was one of the most controversial gals to ever grace The Bachelor (which is saying something).  Although Bekah seems like a nicer and more social contestant than Courtney was, they both have a similar level of intensity and mystique.  They also may or may not have practically the same face... 


At this point in "the game", the pre-rose ceremony cocktail hours are so charged and intense but the girls going home are typically those who have had no on-air time.  No one is emotionally invested but the girls are typically exhausted, under-fed and over-served.  This leads to the best exit interviews of all time.  This week, the Best Exit award easily went to Jenna who told Arie she wasn't crying because she was upset about leaving him.  She was upset about leaving her friends.  Yes!!

I have a feeling Arie is going to do what has to be done this season.  I can't see him keeping girls around just for the sake of it.  He has the benefit of being a past contestant but also having years of distance between being on the show and coming back. I wasn't initially excited about this season, but Arie is growing on me and I'm definitely hooked early.  Looking forward to watching along with you all!  Please leave your thoughts and predictions below and follow along @midtowndiaries on Instagram. 

Arie's back and so am I!

After an 18 month hiatus, I am officially back in Midtown.  In the past year and a half, I have experienced the most dramatic life season yet after welcoming my very own baby bachelor in April.  Several months have passed and I can finally stay up until 10pm (sometimes...).  This means I'm fully renewing my Bachelor Nation membership.

I won't lie to you.  I was less than excited to hear that Arie was this season's Bachelor.  Emily's season, in 2012, was one of my favorites but I was #teamJef all the way.  Arie and Emily would have never worked out although I'm convinced Sean and Emily would still be together if he had won.  But then there would be no Sean and Catherine and therefore no Samuel and no baby-on-the-way and fewer super annoying paid Instagram ads on my feed each day.  I have to assume that viewership is down and producers are trying to get back their uber-loyal Emily-era fans.  You win this round, ABC.

For those of you who didn't see Emily's season, this hilarious recap will tell you everything you need to know.  Wait...  I just found this photo...  was he dating Courtney?  Please say "no".

I will give Arie the benefit of the doubt and assume there will be a (shirtless) montage about how much he has grown and matured in the past five years.  My other prediction is that he's a total ego-maniac playboy and the contestants will collectively shed enough tears throughout the season to hose down a driveway.

There are 29 contestants this year and seemingly the most racial diverse group we've seen on The Bachelor.  I refused to watch Nick's season and missed Rachel's season due to a certain pesky 3 week old taking over my life and home.  From what I now know of her, I hope that Rachel paved the way for more girls who don't fit the historical Bachelor/ette mold. 

But enough with the pleasantries.  Let's get straight to judging a bunch of vulnerable women who are about to get their hearts ripped out on national television.

Here are the gals who made big impressions on me during the premiere:

Chelsea.  *sigh*  Do I have to? 

Will we all really have to deal with another girl like Chelsea?  She's already showing her Mean Girl colors and proving that she's not here to make friends.  She reminds me of Courtney from Ben F's season with a bit of Olivia from Ben H's season.  With Arie, she's playing the mysterious/sexy card but it's coming off as distant and cold.  She needs to be careful as some of the other girls will open up in a much more authentic way.  Girls who are this assertive so early are clearly acting out of fear and insecurity.  I almost punched the TV when Arie gave her that friggin' first impression rose.  She's nasty, everyone will hate her, she'll be around for weeks, she won't win and she'll never be the Bachelorette.  In the mean time, we'll all love to hate her and the casting team will all get raises.  Ew.





Caroline.  My instincts tell me she is too successful and too much of an alpha for Arie.  She also has horrible judgement.  How can you wear a white gown on the first night when you know that it will get dragged across the wet driveway when you get out of the limo?  Rookie move, Caroline.  Rookie move.










Maquel.  She initially reminds me of Lauren Bushnell (the winner of Ben H's season).  They have a bit of a similar vibe.  She made a massive first impression by entering in a race car.  She's only 23 but will go far. 










Nysha.  Although she didn't make much of an impression on me or Ben (she was sent home without a rose), the poor girl never had a chance.  She's a nurse and, everyone knows, girls in health care professions be crazy on this show. 





Tia.  Despite being from a town called Weiner and being the good friend of former contestant. Raven (Nick's season), Tia is one of my Final 3 predictions.  She has a great sense of humour and Arie seems so relaxed during their time together.  She should never wear a color other than emerald green as she was so gorgeous in her gown.


Kendall.  During her "meet the women" video, red flags were going off all over the place.  Her love of taxidermy combined with a song on ukulele about said love of taxidermy made me nervous,  I thought she was too free-spirited and confident for Arie and had serious Crazy potential.  I saw images of Ashley from Chris Soule's season.  Wasn't she convinced that aliens were going to come down and probe her?  By the end of the episode, my opinion of her really changed.  She seems much more down-to-earth than we were led to believe and she has a really authentic charm.  I hope we get to see more of Kendall in weeks to come.  Do I think she's a great fit for Arie?  No.  But I think she will make some great commentary about the crazies in one-on-one interviews. 

Bekah.  I'm confused by my own feelings for Bekah.  She's certainly buzz-worthy and stands out from all of the other girls.  The girl is playing with a wide open heart and it's inevitable that she will be completely crushed at the end of her "journey" with Arie.  Despite being a long lost Hepburn and an incredibly old soul, Bekah's age and vulnerability will be the nail in her Bachelor coffin.  She will probably also drive the other women crazy and, at some point, sneak out to find Arie and make out in the ocean.  The next day, she will see Arie making out with someone else and be found crying in the bathroom.  You heard it here first...



Marikh.  This girl is going to be trouble!  Despite being strikingly beautiful and a real go-getter, Marikh will prove to be too much for Arie (and the other girls).  I predict she will be group date material with some one-on-one time thrown in here and there but won't be in the top 10.







Krystal.  She certainly makes a strong impression.  My concern is for her heart.  This girl is as open and willing as they come.  She will fall fast and hard and leave completely heartbroken.  The other contestants will be intimidated by her confidence and she will struggle to fit in. 








Jenna.  "That" drunk girl of the season.  She will drink too much during group dates and completely botch her time with Arie.  There will be sloppy kissing followed by giggling and smeared eye makeup.  To be fair, it did look like her one-on-one time with Arie on night one was at about 4am.  She was all over the place.








Ali. I am still completely flabbergasted that Ali was sent packing without a rose on night one.  I actually had to go online and double check that she was, in fact, passed by at the rose ceremony.  I would have pegged her as a shoe-in for at least top 5.  Her time with Arie was minimal during the cocktail hour but she is a textbook "give her a rose anyway" type of girl.





Annaliese.  Not many girls could pull off the whole kissing bandit costume idea and a) not get completely ripped apart by the other contestants and b) prove to be seemingly normal and lovely after removing the mask.  Do you remember Ashley's season when Jeff didn't remove his mask for several days?  I'm already putting money on Annaliese being in the Final 3 and/or being the next Bachelorette.

At least half of the reason I watch The Bachelor/ette is to spend time with Chris Harrison.  He's the best.  I've said it before and I'll say it many many more times.  He. is. the. best.

Look guys, Arie is 36 so let's just get in there and send the early-20-somethings home to their social media management jobs.  Don't talk about Emily's season, don't make anymore wiener jokes and no more references to "closing the deal" (real estate" or "getting to the finish line" (racing).  Just stop.

I'm looking forward to seeing where this season takes us.  Please follow along and leave your comments/predictions below.  

Bach is back (alright)

For anyone who did not read the title of this post and immediately have "Backstreet's Back" in their head, shame on you.





I decided to hold off on recapping the new season of The Bachelorette until after the second episode.  Although incredibly entertaining and the ultimate test of what a judgey B you actually are (I'm ranking pretty high on the Judgey B scale), the premier really doesn't mean too much.  I tend to enjoy the first few episodes of The Bachelor much more than The Bachelorette as a room full of 20+ guys is just a bro show.  All of them are on guard and pointing out the weaknesses in each other.  We all know that those chirps are covering up their own insecurities,

It seems like, with each season, the group dates get more elaborate and competitive.  When, before the group date, there was a limo on fire in the driveway, I really thought that The Rock was going to jump out and plug his new movie where he is a single dad/firefighter and his kids get kidnapped by an arsonist and the only way to save them is to start a fire in a remote African village to kill the kidnapper's nemesis.  Luckily, it was just a plain old firefighting challenge without any cameos or movie promotions.

Poor Wells.  He really did give the competition his all but the dude is 120 lbs or less.  Despite his piddly little muscles, I'm actually starting to think that Wells is kind of hot...  Not convinced?  Feast your eyes on this:

Luckily, the fire chief noticed that Wells was looking a bit pale and about one axe swing away from black out status.  He got pulled from the competition to cool down and be made fun of by every man, woman and child in America.  It all paid off though and he pretty much got a one-on-one date as JoJo went to check on him.  He could have been a big baby about it but he brushed it off as nothing and definitely took advantage of the time he had.



Can we take a moment to acknowledge that Grant IS a firefighter!!  There was a little piece of me that wanted someone else to win but it would have been the absolute annihilation of his reputation in the firehouse.  I can't decide how I feel about Grant.  Under a certain light, he's a bit exotic and mysterious but then sometimes my creep meter starts to climb.

(not Luke...  but I can see him cracking and Caseying the whole season)

Luke is really intense.  Is he cute?  Sort of...  Does he have a certain Southern country-rock star vibe?  If you squint...  I dunno...  I worry that he is going to to get a portrait of JoJo tattooed on his wrist and perform a song that he wrote a cappella on top of a mountain.  That reminds me of someone...

Luke makes me nervous because he seems very sensitive and isn't really able to handle the emotional journey that comes with 20+ guys dating your girlfriend.  Hopefully he doesn't completely lose it...  I can see him falling through the cracks and going unnoticed compared to all of the big personalities and confident guys around him,

JoJo is taking the Chris Soules approach to being The Bachelor/ette which means making out with eeeeeeeveryone.  Does she grab a piece of gum or spray in between guys?  They must all have awful booze breath which is almost as bad as popcorn breath.

Can someone please buy me a ticket to Katy, TX so I can become best friends with James T.?  Love love love him.  I want to hang out with him every weekend.  His songwriting and general spirit is so fun.  Chad can poopoo however much he wants but when he was leading the guys in a songwriting and choreography session, I almost died.  Uggg...  such a nice guy.  My concern for James is that he is going to get friendzoned so hard which is what I suspect has prevented him from finding love in the past.

I've known a few guys who are the most lovely and deserving sweethearts ever but they can just never land the ladies.  So heartbreaking to watch but I know this show will James paaaaaa-lenty of action afterwards.  As an early favorite for being The Bachelor, James would bring a set of cool, quirky girls.  It could be the dorkiest season yet.  #JamesTforBachelor

JoJo's choice of Derrick for the one-on-one date was unexpected but....  interesting.  Don't you find he looks a bit like John Krasinski with a bigger nose?  A little bit, right?!

I'm glad that JoJo listened to the advice of the former Bachelorettes and didn't pick one of the guys she knows she likes.  It is a waste of everyone's time to only date the people you hit it off with right away (ie: Leah from last season- yuck).  JoJo needs to start ruling people out ASAP and picking people like Derrick may not make for thrilling Monday night television but it keeps the "process" moving along.

I love the idea of a choose-your-own adventure date.  I'm the most indecisive person in the world and also have a terrible reluctance to take risks so I'd break down crying after the 2nd question sign along the highway.  They seemed to have fun though.  JoJo and Derrick definitely connected but he will eventually get over shadowed by the guys with more personality.

Would you forgive me of  I completely glossed over talking about Chad?!  I can't even...  He's such a friggin' grease ball.  My nightmares have nightmares about him.  What an utter weeny.  He keeps talking about how he's being so "real" and is under the impression that, just because the other guys are having fun and like each other, that they are being fake.  He's not even being that "real" because he has a massive wall up and hasn't been able to be open to JoJo or to anyone else.  Chad is completely delusional about how great he is.  If, in fact, he's being honest and open and real, that's great because JoJo will be able to make her decision so much faster.

The second group date had a really fun group of guys (except for Chad).  I like the dates that have a competitive nature but none of the men are put at an advantage by having a particular skill set.  The guys were able to show their lighter silly sides.

I'm so glad that James won the challenge so that we could all hear the sweet things that just flow out of his mouth.  As if he actually said "A smile is the only thing you can see on the outside that comes from the inside" during a regular conversation.  James- be my friend!!!  Please!!  JoJo definitely wants to get to know him better and, obviously!, he was awarded with the date rose.

The rose ceremony was super tense.  I think I even heard scary music being played at one point...  When Chase set up a mini Colorado-theme snow date for JoJo, I thought I would melt.  He is inching his way up my serious potential list.  He's very good looking when his face is on an angle.

I feel the most sad for the "Bachelor Super Fan".  I legit don't know his name but he was brave enough to say what our boyfriends and husbands don't- that they know everything about this show even though they "don't watch it".  How IS that!?

With all the Chad drama, online ex-girlfriend controversy about whatever Aaron Rodger's brother's name is (look it up- it's juicy!), and the mystery of how/why Evan styles his hair like that, it should be a great season!  I'd love to hear your thoughts and predictions.  Comment below or find my Midtown Diaries page on Facebook.

(the morning) After the Final Rose

Do you ever wake up in the morning with a sense that all is right and just in this world?  Today, I did.  Despite sitting here in front of my computer screen for a good ten minutes, I cannot come up with one mean thing to say about last night's finale of The Bachelor.  All of the things I wished would happen did and everyone went on to live their lives happily ever after.  The end.

Now hindsight is 20/20 and, believe you me, I was faaaaa-reaking out during the entire finale episode.  I was so sure how all of this would end but watching Ben and the girls live through the decision making process was so stressful.  At one point, two of my girlfriends and I were just sending each other selfies of our scared faces.  One of us may or may not have been crying through the whole episode... I blame hormones.

Ben's opening monologue was the ultimate "What have I done?!" realization.  Now he's worried he'll make a mistake and propose to the wrong girl?!  ...  uhhhhh...  You know you told both of them you're in love and there's an entire camera crew with you and both girls will see this right!?  There's no undoing that.  It is literally archived for the rest of time.  At that point, he was in for a world of hurt regardless of who he ended up with.



How much do we love Ben's parents?!  They are so wonderful.  They have a gentle nature but aren't shy about expressing concerns while respecting that this is Ben's decision.  And check out Ben's dad's full head of hair!  That's a great sign of things to come for future generations.

Mom was not buying this "in love with two girls" thing.  That being said, both parents seemed very open to getting to know the ladies and gave Lauren and JoJo each a really fair shot.


Lauren is certainly the more polished and composed of the two women.  Her chat with Ben's Mom impressed me.  It is not easy for most to go to their future mother-in-law for relationship advice.  She earned some serious points with me when she asked Mom about how she could help Ben through hard times.  If I had a family member going as The Bachelor/ette or a contestant, I would be so concerned that the couple only gets to see the best in each other.  Their relationships have been so short and the experience is intensified by outlandish dates, a production crew and the nature of competition.  Being in a marriage or any kind of long term relationship is really hard work and learning how to get through the tough stuff is the most challenging, although rewarding, part.

When JoJo arrived at the Higgins' little vacation home, she handed Ben's mom an awkward little bouquet in a conch shell.  "Let me just put these flowers next to the massive bouquet Lauren brought for us..."  JoJo is a really nice girl and undoubtedly head over heels for Ben.  The main factor for me swaying toward Lauren is that JoJo seems to be more wrapped up in the glamour of love.  She talks about being with Ben like it's a fairy tale and this is her perfect love story.  Lauren comes across as more of a giver and JoJo is all about how Ben makes her feel and what he gives to her.

After JoJo's visit, I really felt for Ben's poor poor mom.  It took everything in her not to reach across the couch and shake him.  She was trying so hard to keep it together and let Ben be a big boy and make his own decisions but I mean... she burst out laughing when Lauren said that Ben seems perfect...  She knows Ben better than anyone and she remained so open and positive.  You could just tell in her interview after the visits that she was really hurting for Ben.

I'm never mad at Chris Harrison but it was really annoying that, right before every commercial break, he tried to make it seem like Ben was going to get married right then and there on After the Final Rose.  Ben's hometown pastor was really into that Bible...



Has anyone noticed that JoJo's parents could play Dr. Phil and his wife Robin on SNL?  Twitter was going crazy with speculation when Lauren's entire family was shown but only JoJo's parents- no brothers.  Personally, I assumed that it was really meaningful for Ben to have them as groomsmen since they hit it off so well at hometowns...  not.  Ben never wants to see those dudes again





As Ben tried to make up his mind as to who to propose to, one of his arguments for JoJo was that they had gone through really hard things together and withstood true relationship tests.  Ummm...  no- you really haven't.  The most serious hardship they had to face was knowing what to do after a table fell over when a helicopter, which was there to fly them around Vegas, landed too close to them on a rooftop.  That is not a hardship...

If I was Lauren during her last one-on-one date, I'd be panicking BIG time.  Ben was so off and giving her nothing.  He kissed her on the forehead about twenty times which is sweet if you're sitting around watching TV but not when you're a day away from getting either proposed to or dumped.  When a guy starts a sentence by saying "No matter what happens...", it's a terrible terrible sign.

At this point in the episode, I was stress eating popcorn by the handful.  I literally had more than ten pieces of it sitting in my tank top when I went to change for bed.

Didn't Ben and JoJo have that exact date already?  Waterfall, smooching, sitting on a grimy rock without a towel...  Both of them likely came down with bacterial infections after that chat.  At least JoJo picked a much more practical bathing suit this time.  Ben had such a heavy heart through both of those dates and wasn't able to relax at all.  JoJo must have had horrible thoughts running through her mind as to what Ben was thinking.  When she asked Ben to open up to her, he told her "It's exactly what you probably think".  Imagine if something is as bad and horrific as you have in your head?!

Ben was obviously putting his foot in his mouth BIG time.  Now he's keeping quiet and not saying anything?!  Last week he was confessing his love to any pretty girl that walked by and now he wants to worry about breaking hearts?!

Ben ended up completely friendzoning JoJo.  I feel bad for her because there is no way I would want any guy to see me crying on a bathroom floor unless I was going to marry them.  Some things are sacred and only for your girlfriends to see.  If a man can make you feel better when you're blubbering with your forehead on a public toilet seat and then speak to you again, marry him.  Trust me.







I hesitate to say that any massive diamond ring is ugly but Ben picked the worrrrrst one.  I'm a bit of a purist when it comes to jewelry.  I love my princess cut solitaire and wouldn't trade it for another piece of bling.  The one he chose reminded me of a big college football ring.  Both Lauren and JoJo are so girly that I wish he had something more dainty and pretty than big and in your face.  All of that being said, Neil Lane seems like a really stand up guy!





The moments leading up to the first helicopter are excruciatingly thrilling to watch.  I worry about Chris Harrison's hearing as he doesn't appear to have any protection for his ears and those helicopters come close!  I could not look away from the television and, although I was so positive Lauren would be "the one", there was a moment when I believed that JoJo could pull through.






As JoJo approached, I knew from the look in his eye that he was about to let her go.  After he gave his speech, I honestly wish, on JoJo's behalf, that a trap door opened up below her and just made her disappear.  #devastation  I can't imagine standing there across from the man you are in love with and hear the dreaded "...but...".  She really kept it together and, although clearly devastated, she made an incredibly graceful, though tearful, exit.  Look at her though- she looked stun-ning!




I LOVE BEN FOR CALLING LAUREN'S DAD!  *squealllllllll* I can't quit him.  I really don't have the capacity to think of him in a negative light.  Do I agree with every decision he's made?  No.  Do I love him and think he's the least douchey Bachelor yet?  Absolutely!    Lauren is the best match for Ben and I happen to have high hopes for their relationship.  They are more on the same page as far as career, lifestyle and family than most Bachelor/ette couples we've seen.  They both seem pretty normal other than the spotlight that will follow them around for a bit.  As long as they agree to a few Instagram sponsorships and have a cute dog, they will live happily ever after just like Sean and Catherine.




So that's it!  Season is over,  Lauren and Ben will get married and stay that way forever and JoJo is The Bachelorette!  Everyone wins.  Will you be watching JoJo find love in the Fall?  What are your thoughts on Ben's final pick?  Thanks for following along and keep your eye out for non-Bachelor posts between now and JoJo's season!

Why couldn't you just keep your mouth shut, Ben?! A recap of the Final Three

I could barely get out of bed today due to the emotional hangover caused by last night's episode of The Bachelor.  I was also hoping I would have a snow day from work but it was mostly due to Ben's outrageous and utterly reckless behaviour.

 

The episode after hometowns is always do or die for the final three ladies.  They've proven that their families aren't crazy (or in the case of this season, their families don't include two small children) and Ben is at least remotely interested in shacking up with each one in the Fantasy Suite.

Caila was the lucky winner of the first date with Ben.  That makes her the least at risk for getting an STI as well as the one Ben will remember least after three straight nights of drinking wine and doin' it.  

Caila is too much.  First of all- she has an impossibly gorgeous body, flawless teeth and are-you-joking-me hair.  Don't you hate that?!  She confuses me.  I can't figure out if she's really sweet and charming or if she's trying too hard.  No one can be that smiley and articulate all the time.  It worried me when she didn't feel comfortable expressing her insecurities to Ben as they floated down a river, likely filled with snakes, on a bamboo raft.  She's all oogley googley when it comes to talking about the mushy stuff but she wasn't able to make herself vulnerable at all to tell Ben she was feeling insecure.

I can understand how Caila's intensity was attractive to Ben.  She makes crazy eye contact and is such a passionate and deep person.  I'm just not convinced Caila can turn it off.  Can she throw on a pair of sweats and watch mindless television?  Can she open up and really work through stressful or tough situations?

The best thing about this season is that, when it comes to the final three women, there aren't any villains.  Ben legitimately narrowed it down to three really nice girls who are there for all the right reasons.  They all seem quite normal (despite their insane beauty) and haven't (yet) done anything to get them fired from their jobs, smeared on social media or disowned by their families.  

Lauren B. (can we call her just "Lauren" now?) has been my favorite since early on.  I can't find anything wrong with her except for occasional Caribbean hair frizz.  She's a really seemingly normal person.  She isn't "too" anything.  She's super pretty but not disgustingly pretty, nice but not nicey nicey and just an overall stable girl.  Wait...  not as in a girl who works with horses...  just a girl who has her sh!t together, you know?   

I'm going to let you in on a little secret...  I almost cried about five times when Ben and Lauren were helping the baby sea turtles get to the ocean.  That date was amazing!  It's another great example of Lauren not caring that much about the glitz and glam.  All of Lauren's dates with Ben have been about compassion and care for others.   Ok... so that time they were in a hot tub in the middle of no where won't win them any humanitarian awards but so much of their time together is about sharing these really tender experiences and giving back.  

The world stopped spinning for me when Ben told Lauren he was in love with her.  Is that an exaggeration?  No.  (yes...)  My jaw was on the floor.  If you are The Bachelor, and you tell a girl you're in love with her, the season is over.  No need for a helicopter ride or impractical gown and shoe combination.  Just call Neil Lane, tell him to get over to the resort with his suitcase full of diamonds and pop one on that finger.  Easy peasey lemon squeezey.  But no no no...  we can't possibly make things that straight forward...  Ben had to also be in love with JoJo.

I like JoJo.  I just don't like JoJo as much as I like Lauren.  JoJo is prime Bachelorette material where Lauren is a better match for Ben.  She doesn't seem as grounded and confident as Lauren.  Her past relationships sound horrendous and maybe she needs this as part of her growing process... and as grooming to be the next Bachelorette!

I love Jamaica.  It's one of my favorite places to go.  In fact, last time I was in Jamaica, I myself was proposed to.  It really is a great place to be in love.  I always see brochures for excursions to YS Falls and I've never been interested.  Now I'm totally kicking myself.  That place looks unreal!  JoJo obviously did not anticipate actually having to get in the water as her "bathing suit" was the least practical piece of "clothing" I have ever seen.  Come on now...  

Ben did not waste any time blubbering that he loves JoJo and I almost punched him right through the TV.  What are you doooooing!?

Facepalm...

Just such an incredibly poor decision on his part.  He knows there is a microphone and camera following him around right?  He knows that every other Bachelor/ette in Bachelor/ette history has been discouraged from every declaring love right?!  I wonder why that is, BEN.  You know this is aired to millions of people including the two girls you just proclaimed your love to right, BEN?!

The hardest part in all of this is that I believe him.  I do!  I really think he loves both of them and that Ben, Lauren (obviously the first wife) and JoJo (the second wife that gains a ton of weight by season three)  are going to premiere a TLC polygamy spin off this summer.  How is Ben going to get himself out of this mess?  Never mind that he has to pick one girl to propose to- he also has to deal with the aftermath of all of this over the next couple of weeks on Women Tell All and After the Final Rose.  Hopefully Juan Pablo shows up to give him some advice.

Luckily, Ben knew that he was not in love with Caila so he sent her home.  This was the only point in the season where we saw Caila without a smile on her face which gives me hope that she is not a robot and that she does feel emotions like hurt and sadness... at least that one time.  

I don't know what this dude is going to do at the finale.  The previews show Ben whipping out his cell phone (why would he even need a phone in his suit pocket during a proposal on television!?), crying, sitting on the ground...  It could be (say it with me now) the most dramatic Bachelor finale yet.  

 

  

There's no town like Hometowns!!

Hometown visits are the "do or die" of The Bachelor/ette.  We have seen the unthinkable happen inside contestants' homes.  We all know from our own dating experiences that going to meet Mom and Dad or introducing your bf/gf to your family is so so stressful.  Imagine involving a production crew with lights, cameras and microphones?  My family would not be down and I can't imagine the days of planning that go into setting up these hometown visits.

Amanda definitely had the most to gain or lose out of her hometown visit.  Unfortunately, she lost half of her top right before filming.  Least practical shirt ever.  I don't even understand the mechanics behind it.  How does it stay up?  Apparently not very well as she was pulling on it the entire time.

Ben finally got to meet Amanda's little girls and they are adorbs (although they caught their mother's impractical outfit gene because those sandals were not beach appropriate).  He didn't seem freaked out right off the bat. Ben is obviously really comfortable around kids and he really honors that they're a huge part of Amanda. He knows that he will have to be the one to change and adapt to their lives if he is to continue a relationship with her.  I'm pretty sure he was crying when Amanda ran up the beach to greet them.  It could have been sand in his eye or allergies but I'm fairly certain they were real tears.

I don't think Amanda will be at the end of this but it's an important process for her to go through. It's opening her eyes to the importance of dating and finding a loving adult to connect with.

Ben is so incredible at talking. That's potentially a ridiculous thing to say but he is so confident and open.  He never stumbles on his words or sounds like he's b-s'ing.  Amanda's parents obviously had some serious concerns about Ben coming into the lives of these two little ones but Ben was really honest and didn't just tell them what they wanted to hear.

Knowing what Ben knows already about the limelight and the aftermath of being on a show like The Bachelor, he must consider how Amanda would be able to deal and cope with that.  Sometimes I look back on Emily Maynard being a contestant and then The Bachelorette and wonder how she juggled being a single mom with being such a public figure.  Amanda is also so so so young and has so much going on that I don't think she even wants to put herself through all of this.

Ben then traveled to Portland OR to visit Lauren and her family. That place seems completely up Ben's alley. Heck- Portland is completely up my alley!  They seem the most relaxed and normal together out of all the couples. They just look at each other and their eyes sparkle and talk.  He likes her so so so much.  He's crying again just thinking about his love for her.

Even Lauren's family is pretty low on the crazy family scale. I liked how protective but open her sister and dad were. They expressed their concerns but also trusted that Lauren really is falling in love and that she wants this.
The worst thing that happened was her dad calling her "LoLo".  That's lamelame.

Lauren is the most ready for all of this.  Her family is supportive, she has it together but not in a "I have to leave my 6-figure career for you and move to a remote farm where no one has all of their teeth way.  She just likes him.  And he likes her.  And what more can you want in a relationship!?

As time goes on, I am liking Caila less and less.  She has this weird ability to be too cutesy but also really intense. Every conversation is really deep and filled with big words but also a bit innocent and immature.

Her date with Ben pretty much showcased exactly that.  I guess it's cool that your dad owns a toy factory but we never see a grown up or really serious side of Caila.  Everything seems to be butterflies and rainbows and Ben isn't looking for that.  Even though he is only 27, he has maturity and grounded qualities that are lacking in Caila.

It freaks me out when adults call their parents Mommy and Daddy.  Caila's Daddy also freaks me out.  I see where Caila gets her intense eye contact and inappropriately large vocabulary.  You know when people use big words and lengthy analogies all the time just because they can?  Or when you go to someone's house for dinner and the hosts try to engage you in really detailed conversation about Syrian politics?

Long story short, despite Ben being really attracted to Caila, he has so much more real chemistry with the other girls.  There is so much more interest and variety in the personalities of Amanda, Lauren and JoJo.  Speaking of JoJo...

I watch a lot of reality TV.  I mean a.... lot.  I've watched horrendous shows that I am not proud of.  I like to think The Bachelor is one of the "top tier" programs.  It's in its twentieth season, it has millions of viewers, etc.  That whole flowers-and-letter-from-JoJo's-ex was too much.  What was the point of all of that?!  She seemed legit pissed and couldn't believe that was happening.  I would like to think that, if I was on a show like The Bachelor, every guy I've ever batted an eyelash at would be super jealous and want me for themselves but don't put it on air!  What a lamesauce move by production.  I hated that.

JoJo's brothers were obviously taking whiskey shots before filming began.  They were so over the top when JoJo came in. If you don't know the background behind her brother Ben, check out this site immediately- http://www.bustle.com/articles/144886-videos-of-jojos-brother-ben-patton-on-ready-for-love-make-him-look-like-a-hypocrite.  What a doucher.

Overprotective older brothers make me so mad.  They put Ben in such an uncomfortable position and it's the first time that we see him shut down.  He was really flat and vague when talking to them. All of that being said, I think the brothers are right when they tell JoJo that Ben doesn't seem as invested as she is. How amazing was their mom when she was just drinking champ straight out of the bottle while the brothers were ranting in the kitchen?!

Being sent home immediately after hometowns is the ultimate diss. I would absolutely disown my family if a guy dumped me the night after meeting them.  That being said, Amanda can't possibly be too crushed about Ben sending her home.  She has an entire family waiting for her and she knew all along that Ben might not be into the whole "come be a stepdad!" life.

My prediction is that JoJo and Lauren will be final two.  Other than Caila's perfect physical appearance, she won't be able to stand out against them.  I'm so looking forward to seeing how this season will play out!!

Yeah....Leah and I are in a serious fight...

You know that cardinal rule to never go to bed angry?  Well last night, I could barely stop pacing my bedroom and I'm still furious today.  I fought for Leah.  Every week that she got a rose, I knew her time would come.  I knew Ben would give her a chance and that he saw something in her.  It turns out none of us knew her at all.  Leah is sneaky and petty and just plain old mean.  We're in a fight.

I digress...

From this point on in any season of The Bachelor/ettte, you can count on one thing- a whoooooole lotta crying.  Feelings are growing, emotions are running high and everyone is just drop dead confused and insecure about where they stand with the person they're dating who happens to be dating many other women.  #roughlife

Last week's episode ended with Ben asking to talk to Olivia right before the rose ceremony and then a big ol' "To be continued" across the screen.  We all knew Olivia would somehow talk in circles around Ben and he wouldn't want to take the rose from her and she would walk back into that rose ceremony and all of the other girls would make bitchy faces.  Am I right or am I right?

Olivia believes she's super smart and incredibly exceptional.  To prove her intellectual depth, she told Ben, "I want to talk smart things." She's so deep that tears don't even come out of her eyes when she's crying.  She just whimpers and dabs at her eyes.  It's like air crying.  Olivia is obnoxious, self-centered and incredibly annoying.  She does say some offside things but I don't believe she is a malicious person.




Can I take a moment to address the horrific half up top knot issue going on in the house?  Last week it was Becca and now Lauren B. is walking around town with a stupid clump on the top of her noggin.  If you couldn't tell, I hate hate hate this look.  I love a top knot but the half up kills me.  If you are thinking about trying this hairstyle- don't.  Just don't.  See how sad this model looks??






Caila was the first girl this season to get a second 1-on-1 date.  This obvious made some girls nervous and it made Leah downright irate.  Caila is smokin' hot. Her body is insanely perfect.  She seems sweet but Ben hasn't really seen the relaxed, laid back side of Calia.  He was digging a bit during their dinner date to learn more.  Calia told Ben she was falling in love with him but quickly switched gears and said she's afraid to hurt him.  Her speech was really confusing.  I thought she was about to walk out of there but then turned it around with a "I'm ready for this". She'll be the one dumped after hometowns.  Also- have you ever seen the commercials for the game Paradise Bay?  Calia looks a lot like the character!

The group dates are getting tense!  Numbers are dwindling and the girls are getting a look at Ben's relationships with everyone else.  If I was Leah, I would be at my wits' end too.  He has spent zero time with her and it's hard to understand why he's kept her around for so long. We also found out that lives 10 mins from Ben.  That's pure torture.  They're bound to see each other again and it is going to be awk-ward.

I've been to the Bahamas a bunch of times and I'm so pissed that I didn't know about those swimming pigs.  Who thought of this date?  In a way, it's incredible.  In another way, it's so weird.  At one point, Leah was trying to have a conversation with Ben and a giant pig was just oinking at their ankles.

I was so happy to see the girls' hair looking horrible.  When I'm in the Caribbean, my curly hair is a mess the whole time and I'm thrilled to know this happens to gorgeous girls traveling with a TV crew too.

Has Becca's annunciation improved since Chris' season?  She's still fairly mumbley but much easier to understand.  I hope she promotes her speech therapist on Instagram soon.

Ladies, ladies ladies...  If you are planning to go on The Bachelor, you need to know one thing. The absolute kiss of death is when you spend your one-on-one time talking crap about others. If there's one thing a guy doesn't want to hear, it's a girl complaining about another girl; especially if that other person is someone he really likes. Even if the guy asks, just be vague and air on the kind side.  You have a whole house full of girls you can bitch to.

I cannot believe that Leah really said those things about Lauren B.  Really?!  Lauren B.?!?!  Does she know this is being filmed?  Lauren B. seems really close with pretty much all of the girls.  When Becca asked Leah if she said anything, she didn't even try to make something up.  She flat out did the "No!  I would never!!!"  Why did you do that, Leah.  Why?!  She deserved to get sent packing.  Maybe she was getting desperate or bitter but good on Ben for seeing through her nastiness and not making her sit around the house any longer.  I'm worried that, because of their close proximity at home, she's going to make his life a living hell after all of this.  I predict a restraining order in Leah's near future.

The 2-on-1 dates have really been evolving over the past few seasons.  I look back at Jake's season when he took best friends Ashley S. and Ashley H.  He really liked them both and they were equally great girls.  Jake just needed to figure out which one he liked more.  Oh my god... do you remember Ali's season when she left Kasey standing on a mountain while she and Justin flew away in a helicopter?!  And that was after Kasey showed her the tattoo he got to prove his devotion...  Now, the 2-on-1's are more good vs. evil and the girls are often rivals.

The weather during the 2-on-1 is a production team's dream to foreshadow the stormy seas ahead for either Emily or Olivia.  Could they have modified the location just a bit?  At least have something a bit more interactive than sitting on a beach in the freezing cold.  Ben always has a sweater or a coat while the girls are stuck in bathing suits and sheer cover-ups.  I'll cut to the chase and just start rejoicing that we no longer have to listen to Olivia talk about how much better she is than everybody else.  Emily is definitely genuine and really funny.   I like her so much more since her twin Hailey was dumped in front of her whole family in their living room.  I don't think there are romantic vibes between Emily and Ben but she's a great girl.  The twins are gimmes for Paradise Island.


How do the producers come up with these post-dump scenes?!  They are so incredible.  I don't know how they're not up for some sort of artistic Emmy.

Olivia was left on this little strip of rocks and sand in nothing short of a hurricane as Ben and Emily took a boat back to who-knows-where.  Olivia didn't really seem that torn up about getting dumped.  She was more surprised that she wasn't "winning" and that Ben wasn't falling for her act.







Ben decided he didn't need a cocktail party before the rose ceremony.  Chris Harrison told the girls it was because he had his mind made up but I think it's because the Coast Guard was trying to fish him out of the ocean after the ridiculous scene of him standing on a cliff... in his suit... in hurricane force winds and rain... #unsafe




I wasn't shocked to see Lauren H. pack her crayons and head back to her kindergarten class.  She's a really nice girl but her connection with Ben was lacking in wattage for sure.  Can we call Lauren B. just Lauren now?  Screw you, Leah.

What are your hometown visit predictions?  I'm thinking Emily is gonzo next week.  I'm calling Lauren (B. of course!), JoJo, Amanda and Caila.  Becca will get dumped right before hometowns. Share your thoughts and comments below!!